


Maybe Someday

by clexa_choni



Series: Someday [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Canon Lesbian Relationship, F/F, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Self-Harm, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2017-04-29
Packaged: 2018-09-07 13:53:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 46,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8803366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clexa_choni/pseuds/clexa_choni
Summary: Sequel to Death is Not the End5 years after the world they knew were destroyed, 5 years after Clarke and Lexa are reunited, 5 years after Lexa's death and revival. Clexa and co. are now in our world, in a world where Grounders and Skaikru no longer exist. In a world where they can love. In a world where love is not weakness. Everything can change in 5 years.





	1. The Darkest Memory

_The sound of the gunshot rang through the air, shattering my soul. Black blood spread through her stomach rapidly. Her name on my lips as she crashed to the ground. On the bed, laying there, shaking, she whispers to me. My hands press against the inflamed wound, my hands covered in her blood. The white sheets turned black from her Nightblood. Too much blood. Her tear-filled eyes meet mine, her breathing becomes shallow. My lips press into hers, and she breathes out once. Her heart goes still, her breath leaves. Greens eyes lose their light. Black stained fingertips close t7hose beautiful eyes. My heart breaks and breaks and breaks._

I shot up in bed, sweat beading on my forehead. I let out a shuddering breath, my hand reaching over. I feel her, gently shoving. Gently but persistently. She moans, rolling out of reach. _Five years_. Five years since she died. Five years since I arrived in the real world. Five years and I still have the memories haunting my sleep. Memories of her death. _She’s alive_. No matter how many times I say that, no matter how many times I look into the green eyes, I still have nightmares of her dying.

 _“Lexa.”_ I hissed. Stretching to shove her again.

“Clarke.” She rolled back towards me, sleepy eyes looking at me. “What time is it?”

I sighed, glancing at the too-bright alarm clock on my bedside table. “Three.”

She groaned. “Why are you awake at this hour, ai hodnes?”

I brushed a stray curl from her face, tucking it behind her ear. “I couldn’t sleep, Lex.”

“Did you have another one?” Even though it was too dark to see, I knew her brow was creasing with worry. I stroked her cheek, biting my lip. I nodded slowly to myself, and to her “I can’t help them.”

“Oh, Clarke. Of course you can’t.” she tugged at my wrist, begging me to lie down. I curled up beside her and let her rub my back. She began humming a tune that I instantly recognized as the grounder anthem. The same tune that was sung when Skaikru entered the coalition. That felt like so long ago.

“I’m sorry, Lexa,” I whispered, interrupting her song.

“ _Klark_. Don’t be sorry for waking me. How many nightmares of mine have you soothed through the years? How many times have you held me as I broke down?”

“Too many to count,” I replied sheepishly.

She chuckled. “There you go.” Her voice turned serious. “But Klark, don’t _ever_ feel bad for waking you. I’m here to help you. I’m here for you. I love you. I always will.”

“Forever?” I whispered.

“Forever. And maybe someday, we’ll find out how long forever really is.”

“ _Maybe someday_. That’s our phrase?”

“Hmm?”

I smiled. _“Maybe someday you and I will owe nothing more to our people.”_ I quoted my own words from years ago. The same words I said just hours before a bullet tore through her abdomen. I shuddered.

“Don’t think about that day, Klark.”

“How? Why?”

“That day haunts my dreams, too, _ai hodnes_. Even though that day holds some beautiful memories, it’s best to forget it. We’ve made so many beautiful memories through the past several years, and there’s our whole lives to make more.”

“Easier said than done, Lexa.” My eyelids were growing heavy and I rested my head on her shoulder.

“Maybe someday you’ll be able to.”

“Yeah,” I whispered. “Maybe someday.”


	2. Coffee Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Octavia's friendship and Lexa's plan for her future with Clarke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We get to know a little about Lexa and Octavia's lives and how they've been during the 5 years they've been transitioned.  
> We also get a look at the infamous friendship between the two girls

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

 I groaned, sitting up in bed, trying not to wake the sleeping blonde.

“How the hell did you get into our apartment, O?” I moaned.

“Fuck Lexa. You guys gave me a spare key, remember?”

I winced. “If I remember correctly, we gave you that key in case of an _emergency_ , not to barge in early in the morning.”

She rolled her eyes. “You’re a half hour late, Lexa. We were supposed to meet up at eight, and when you were a no-show, I though you died. So in my defense, it was an emergency. But now, _Sexy Lexi_ , I see that you just slept in due to apparent late night sex with Griffin.”

“One, don’t wake her up. And two, _never call me that again_.”

“Fine.” She stuck her tongue out at me.

“Real mature, Octavia.” I carefully climbed out of bed, rummaging through my bureau for some legit clothes.

“Nice underwear, Sexy Lexi.”

“Octavia!” I growled. “Have you forgotten that I could kill you with my bare hands?”

She giggled, disappearing down the hall. I huffed, pulling on some dark wash skinny jeans and a thick maroon sweater. Mid-October in New England was not kind. I walked to the kitchen in my socks, pulling on my dark brown tall boots, leather gloves, and a black cap Kane—Clarke’s step-father’s mother Vera knitted for me. I met her a little over four years ago, and she’s been very fond of me since. The feelings mutual, as I like to think of her as my own grandmother.

“How cold is it, O?”

“Brutal,” she responded, a cookie in her mouth.

“Seriously? I don’t go into you and Lincoln’s apartment and eat your cookies!”

“No, you and Clarke just have sex on my counter.”

I blushed furiously. “It was one time!”

“I can never un-see that, Lex. And Lincoln is scarred for life.”

“It was forever ago!”

“It was last week!”

I growled at her, having no words to defend myself. She was right. So I walked out of my apartment and she chased after me, yelling to me to wait. I just smirked, quickening my speed. My long legs easily kept me ahead of her. “Alexandria Woods!”

 _Woods_. It was still weird hearing that. When Clarke and I got serious, Anya ended up adopting me from the Griffins to avoid any legal issues. Because relatives having sex was frowned upon-potentially illegal. So Anya made us legally no longer related. It was hard, leaving Jake who I considered a father and moving in with Anya, but it made Clarke and my relationship easier. And we’ve been going strong since. We made it through testing, made it through college. Clarke, well, was still in med-school and had a part-time job working as an art teacher at a home for foster kids. I got a degree in psychology and had an office in town where I worked mostly as a therapist for troubled teens. Octavia was manager of a little coffee shop. She got a business degree-which surprised us all-and was on her way to owning the shop entirely. I worked at her shop part-time, mainly to help her out because the once small and slow shop was now booming with customers and she was struggling. Lincoln, who ended up being a part-time Literature professor at NYU, also works part-time to save his fiancé from losing her mind. Even Clarke, who almost always had her calendar full, helped out here and there. The four of us supported each other fully in whatever we could, from helping out Octavia’s soon-to-be coffee shop to making Clarke dinner when he holed herself up studying for her next exam. That’s what friends are for.

“Lexa!” Octavia caught up to me, grabbing my arm. I gave her a smile and she leaned into me. We could never stay mad, or even fake-mad, at each other. Much to Clarke’s horror, we became the best of friends. Which was sometimes a very dangerous thing. The cold, brittle grass crunched under our feet as we walked to her shop. Yes, on this cold morning it’d probably be better to drive to the shop, but since neither of us trusted the New York traffic and since we were already late, we chose to walk the six blocks. We arrived within fifteen minutes-we really stepped up our pace when we started shivering uncontrollably.

 _“Heat!”_ I breathed out happily when we stepped into the warmth of the shop. We shed our ridiculous amount of layers and tied of little black aprons around our waists. Since Octavia was the manager and unofficial owner, my hours were very flexible thankfully. So nobody blinked an eye when we arrived late. We went straight to work. With a smile plastered on her face, Octavia relieved Echo from the cash register and began taking orders. I took the orders and made the coffees and hot cocoas and sandwiches and the pumpkin pies and the blueberry muffins.

                                                ****

“Oooh, lunch break, finally!” Octavia sighed loudly, throwing herself down in her little employee lounge couch. I stifled a laugh, carrying in our lunches, desserts, and drinks. “For you, a toasted turkey sandwich on wheat, a fresh-out-of-the-oven apple pie slice and yes it’s a big slice, and a large cappuccino that’s as sweet as can be.”

She chuckled, taking them from me graciously. “Thank you, Lexa. You know me so well.” I smiled, sitting across from her with my own lunch-toasted turkey sandwich, pumpkin pie, and a pumpkin latte. “And,” she continued, “I know you very well. So…what’s up?”

I frowned. “Nothing’s wrong.”

“Lexa…” she gave me a pointed look. “Something’s been bugging you for month’s honey. What is it? Yesterday I kicked your ass when we sparred-which never happens, _Heda_.”

I huffed, giving in. I reached for my bag and pulled out a pouch, silently handing it to Octavia. With curiosity written all over her face, she opened the pouch and gasped. Slowly, she opened the velvet box and turned it to me. Diamond sparkled under the lights and I immediately felt sick to my stomach.

“Lex…you’re planning on _proposing?_ ”

I shivered despite the warm temperature, nodding.

“Why are you so upset about _this?_ ”

“What if she says no?” I blurted out. “What if she doesn’t want to spend forever with me?”

“Oh my God, are you hearing yourself?! You’re Clarke and Lexa for Heaven’s sake! That women is madly in love with you. The way she looks at you, the way she acts around you. It’s like you’re the center of her universe. You two can’t live without each other. Hell, even death couldn’t keep the two of you apart! She’ll say yes. She’ll say yes a thousand times, she’ll kiss you and won’t stop until someone interrupts, and then you’ll have the best sex ever and then you’ll throw yourselves into major wedding planning where you friends and family will help with which will annoy the fuck out of you, but you won’t care because you’ll know that you two will be together forever as a married couple.”

“Woah.”

“Yeah.”

“You’re that sure?”

She gave me her million-dollar smile. “Hell yes!” she leapt over to my couch. “So…tell me when you’re going to propose…”


	3. Up to Something

_One week later._

Raven and I walked towards town together, bundled in layers of clothing. “Why is it so cold?” Raven groaned loudly. I shrugged, which was a struggle in the amount of clothing.

“Hey, Rae?”

“Yeah?”

“Has Lexa been acting different?”

She looked at me. “Different how, Clarke?”

I sighed, my breath visible in the cold air. “I don’t know…she’s just…she’s seemed kind of secretive. She goes off with Octavia and they give glances my way here and there.”

Raven rolled her eyes. “Clarke, if you think that Lexa is cheating on you with Octavia, then-”

“ _No!_ Stop! I don’t think _that!_ I think the two of them are up to something though.”

Raven smirked, realization on her face. But...realization of _what?_ “What just happened? Raven?” she just smiled, picking up speed. “Raven!”

“I have an idea, but I’m not saying a word. I’ll tell you this: if it’s what I think, then it’s a good secret.”

I huffed but let it go. Raven was just as stubborn as Lexa and Octavia. _Oh God._ I was surrounded by stubborn and rebellious women. No wonder I never get my way anymore! And of course, my best friends and my girlfriend all became besties and gang up on me. They’re all the same!

“You’re trouble, Reyes.”

“I know, Griffin.”

We both laughed. We walked a few more minutes until we split off. Raven turned and headed towards the shop where she was head mechanic. I continued down the street to the building where I held my art classes for the local foster children. They were all between eight to twelve years, which was a good age for my teaching skills. The art room was a renovated basement to a local church. I reached my destination and headed to the basement, setting my heavy bad on my splotched desk. I smiled, looking around. On one way was a huge mural that my older students were working on: a giant and detailed horse head, and the other 3 walls had paintings taped to every spot available, some newer ones overlapping older ones. A table had every paint color and paintbrush style available, paper of every size, and markers and pencils in colorful boxes. Today I had brought a bunch of shirts that the kids would draw on. I rolled plastic onto the floor, put the shirts in a pile, and pulled a box of fabric markers from the bag and putting on the middle of the floor.

Soon, excited voices came from the back stairwell, and the ten kids filed in. the younger ones raced to the plastic while the older ones lagging behind talking. I set them up with the shirts and very soon they were all chatting while coloring and painting on their new shirts.

                                                ****

          “Babe, I’m home!” I called, opening the door to the roomy apartment. I was greeting the delicious scent of chicken.

          “In the kitchen, Clarke,” came her voice. I headed for the kitchen, pulling off the heavy winter layers as I went. I arrived in the kitchen in just a t-shirt.

          “That smells _so_ good, Lexa.” I moved behind her, arms snaking around her waist, chin resting on her shoulder. She chuckled, continuing to stir the vegetables. “How was work?”

          She hummed. “It was fine. Octavia talked my ear off.”

          “Like usual,” I laughed.

          “How about you, how was the kids?”

          “They’re all great. And they _loved_ your t-shirt idea, Lex. They were all so happy.”

          “I’m glad. They’re great kids.”

          I nodded into her shoulder. I brushed her long curls over the opposite shoulder, pressing my lips tenderly to her neck. She shuddered. “ _Klark_. I’m cooking.” I ignored her, moving to her jaw. _“Beja, Klark.”_ I chuckled.

          “Fine.”

          I pouted, causing her to laugh, as she finished dinner. She served the meals, and, being more starved than I thought, I scarfed the food down. I smiled sweetly at my love, who was finishing her own plate. Once she finished, I took her plate and rinsed them off, stuffing them in the dishwasher.

          “Bedtime?” I asked innocently.

          “You’re tired? Or you have other plans, Clarke?”

          I grinned at her. “Oh, I have plans.” I leaned into her, kissing her until I could no longer breathe. I started pulling her to the bedroom, removing clothes on the way.

          “You’re nothing but trouble, Clarke Griffin.”


	4. Winter Ball Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roan and Indra return this chapter!

“The winter ball is going to be the best damn thing this town has ever seen!” Octavia gushed as we walked down the sidewalk past the small park in our neighborhood.

          “Anything with the word _winter_ in it I hate,” I groaned, pulling my coat tighter around me. “Why can’t we all just move somewhere nice and warm like California?”

          “Because…all our lives are here in New York?” she said, shooting me a look as if it was obvious.

          “But it’s _cold!_ ”

          She let out an exasperated sigh. “Somedays, I just feel like strangling you, Alexandria.”

          I glared at her. I hate being called that. Alexandria. It was too big a name, too…annoying. Lexa was so simple, so nice.

          “So…about the winter ball…”

          “No, don’t say winter. The weather is bad enough in October, I don’t want to know how bad it’ll be in December.”

          She gave me a cheeky smile. “It’s supposed to snow tomorrow.”

          “Please, please, _please_ tell me you’re just being an ass!”

          “Sorry, honey. Watch the weather when you get home.”

          “Stuff like that is _why_ I don’t watch the weather!”

          She rolled her eyes, putting up her hands up in defeat. “ _You are so ridiculous!_ ”

          “Am not!”

          “Are to!”

          We bickered back and forth, shooting daggers with our eyes. _I am not ridiculous!_ We raised our voices as we argued. I felt a smile tugging on the sides of my mouth. We were both starting to become ridiculous. I could see Octavia fighting a smile as well. But neither of us were backing down.

          “ _Oh my God,_ will you two quit it already!” a familiar voice said behind us, a hand resting on our shoulders. We spun to face the owner of the voice. My face lit up in a smile.

          _“Roan!”_ I threw my arms around his giant frame. “Why didn’t you tell us you were coming to New York?”

          He gave me a lopsided grin. “It was a last minute decision, _Heda._ ” He reached out, shoving Octavia gently. “Hey, _Sky Girl_.”

          She laughed. “Hello, _King of Azgeda_.”

          I chuckled. Octavia brushed past me, linking arms with me. “Roan, care to join us for coffees?”

          “Hot chocolate,” I corrected.

          “Wimp.”

          He laughed. “Sure!”

          We continued to our destination. “How’s life treating you, Roan?”

          He shrugged. “Business is booming. The ranch is a huge success. All the whimpering tourists who come running from the snow to enjoy sunny California and go riding on my bomb proof ranch horses.”

          “ _No_. Don’t say that! Lexa just ranted about how she wants me, Lincoln, and Clarke to pack up our lives and move to California.”

          “Seriously?” his eyes widened which was comical. “I _miss_ New York. I miss snow and the crisp autumn days.”

          “Seriously, Roan?” I scoffed. “It’s icy here, I feel like I’m going to be frostbitten half the time, snow is such an inconvenience, and with the amount of clothing I need just to stay warm constricts me, not to mention the electricity bill doubles in winter which Clarke spends so much time ranting about but she honestly would complain if I let the apartment become chilly.”

          “She’s moody as hell,” Octavia commented quietly with a smirk which made me giggle.

          We finally made it to the coffee shop and hustled in. I began peeling off my ridiculous amount of layers which left both Octavia and and Roan laughing their stupid faces off. I gave them my best-or should I say worse-scowl. “I hate you both.”

          Octavia stuck her tongue out at me childishly. “Wow, Octavia. _Real_ mature.”

          “If she ever?” a voice asked. Octavia’s eyes widened comically and it was my turn to choke laughing. With a glint in her eyes, Indra walked over, resting a hand on her former mentee’s shoulder. “What did this one do this time?”

          “She’s laughing at me because I bundle up so I don’t freeze. And then I shot her a look and she stuck her tongue out like one of Clarke’s students.”

          Indra let out a low chuckle. “Oh, Octavia.” Octavia leaved into Indra as she gave her a big hug. I scooted forward and Indra let Octavia go and held me in a warm embrace.”

          “What are you all doing here?”

          Octavia grinned at me. “Talking about the _winter_ ball Harper’s hosting and… _something else_.”

          Indra raised an eye brow, intrigued. I groaned, sitting in one of the comfy leather couches.

          “I’m planning on…” I sighed, trailing off. “Can you guys keep a secret?”

          “Of course,” Indra assured me.

          “Yeah,” Roan agreed.

          I gulped. Literally. “At the winter ball, I’m going to propose to Klark.”

          Silence. And then congratulations came my way. Roan hit me on my arm and I winced and giggled. Indra hugged me as hard as she could and I had to wiggle out of her grip so I could breathe. She kissed me on the cheek before she let me loose.

          “You two are meant to be, Heda.”

          “Thank you, Indra.” I squeezed her hand, tears welling in my eyes. “You have no idea how much that means to me.”

          She just smiled and kissed my forehead, with the gentleness and the love of a mother.


	5. Clarke's Hibernating Habits

_This was it_. My final written exam. I have been working my ass off for _years_ for this. The midterm was coming up. _Just one week_. After this test, I would go full as an intern at the Lenox Hill Hospital, where my mother was head surgeon. I was in my final year of med school, and I was so close. And I was studying hardcore. I was wrapped in my fleece throw blanket in the study, swirling slightly in Lexa’s very comfy leather chair, with notebooks, textbooks, and dozens of pens and pencils scattered all over the big oak desk. The overhead light off, lamp on. I spent every waking moment that I wasn’t at the hospital studying when it came to studying for tests. Lexa called it “hibernating.” She said the term even fit because I was a bear when it came to getting me to do anything. According to Octavia I was _moody as hell_ , which I’m not. I might be a bit grumpy, but not moody. And Lexa would hesitate when I asked her if I was. I love that my girlfriend and friend have become besties, don’t get me wrong, but I hate it as well especially when they gang up on me. At least I always have Raven on my side.

                                                ****

          “Clarke, I’m home!” Lexa’s voice startled me. I glanced at the clock, not realizing that I’ve been studying for several hours. I smiled, when Lexa poked her head into the study. She frowned slightly, seeing me in the same position I was in when she left around noon. “Have you eaten at all today?” her frown deepened when I shook my head sheepishly. She sighed. “Klark, you need to take care of yourself.”

          She walked away, presumably to make dinner. I tossed the blanket off of me and followed her briskly. “Lex!” I felt bad, I know she worries when I hole up and forget about my bodily needs.

          She shook her head, yanking a pan from the cabinet with such force that they all tumbled out. She sighed in frustration, running a hand through her hair. I studied her face, she was upset that much was clear. But I doubted it was because I forgot to eaten. “Lex.” I rubbed my hands up and down her arms. “Go sit, I’ll make dinner?”

          “What about your hibernation habits?”

          I fought a grin. “I’ve studied enough for one day, ai hodnes. Go, you’ve been working all day honey.”

          She nodded numbly, socked feet dragging on the floor as she left the room. I shuddered, filling the pot with water as I wondered what got her so upset. Once the water was boiling, I broke some spaghetti up and tossed it in the water. Absentmindedly, I finished preparing the dinner. I made up our plates and headed to the living room, where Lexa was curled up on the couch. I gently sat next to her, rubbing her back, and she took her food with just a ghost a smile.

          My hibernating habits were forgotten.


	6. Oh, what a dark world we live in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING   
> (mention of suicide--no, not a main character)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry I completely disappeared. I'm back and will be continuing to update!

I could barely eat. I rested my head on Clarke’s lap and her finger comb through my hair. I tried to mask all the stupid emotions, but eventually the tears began to roll down my cheeks. I sniffled quietly and Clarke tried her best to comfort me.

          “Do you want to talk?” she asked me gently.

          I shuddered, sitting up. She held me close to her and I rested my head on her shoulder. “Remember how I told you about Riley?”

          “He’s the one you got when you first started and the one you’ve had the longest, right?”

          “Yeah,” I said quietly.

          “What about him?”

          _Five Years ago_

_“I am not fucking going in there!” I jumped at the sudden shout outside my office door. I had just graduated school and I had only had this job as a psychiatrist for the troubled New York teens for a whopping two weeks._

_“Rylie, get your ass in there!”_

_Rylie Aarons. I looked at the file on my desk. Twelve years old. He was caught dumpster diving for food in a convenient store dumpster because he was staved. According to his file, he had been on the streets for an estimate of five months. He had run away and social services deemed his parents as irresponsible and abusive both physically and emotionally. Within the past two months he had been in three different homes. They said he was too much trouble. My supervisor had warned me and asked a dozen times if I was up to Rylie and I had assured him I could handle it. If anyone could get through to this boy, I could._

_And then he came through the door. This scrawny, rough looking boy. He threw himself on the chair, giving me the worse look he could apparently muster, but I saw right through it. He was terrified. He had been through so much in his life. This was such a cold, dark world we live in._

_“Rylie.” He glanced up at me, blue-green eyes untrusting. “I’m Lexa.”_

_He just stared at me. “Do you have any allergies, Rylie?”_

_His brow furrowed but he shook his head. “Do you like candy bars?” This peaked his interest and he nodded. I grabbed my bag and pulled out a Hershey’s bar and he eagerly took it. He hesitated before opening it. “What’s the catch?”_

_I gave him a small smile. “There’s no catch, Rylie.” I opened my own chocolate bar. “See? We can just enjoy our chocolate.”_

_He opened his candy, eating tiny nibbles. “Enjoy it, Rylie. I’ll give you another for the go when the hour is over.” He nodded, taking a big bite out of the king size bar._

_“I know that you don’t want to be here, nobody really does. People come to therapy to pour their heats out to strangers. But know that I don’t expect that from you.” He looked up at me with curiosity. “All I ask is some communication. We talk about what’s easy for you. Get to know each other, play some games maybe. Just take one day at a time. How does that sound, Rylie?”_

_“I’d like that very much, miss.”_

_“Lexa.”_

_“I’d like that very much, Lexa.”_

_And we did. We took it one day at a time. Within a few months he began to open up more. He really enjoyed literature which he said that nobody knows. While he loves chocolate bars, his favorite candy is skittles which is what I brought from then on.  He loved lasagna and lemon cake. His favorite movie were the Terminator ones, he wasn’t a fan of TV shows-he said they went on forever. His favorite color was navy blue. His favorite animal was a wild Mustang. He loved it when I told him about Arya, my Arabian._

_Eventually he told me of his home life, about his emotions and how he feels so depressed and like he was worthless. Years went by and he seemed to get better. He began to become more positive, he began to smile when he entered my office, he talked nom stop and he was so proud when he brought his report card to show me how he got straight A’s._

_He was seventeen, and he was almost ready to end his therapy. He was getting good grades, doing successful in his group home. He just started senior year and he was already the head of his class. He seemed so much better._

“Today,” I whispered, “I was waiting in my office for him. He didn’t show up at his session at four. He’s always early. I waited and waited. I had the clerk at the desk call his home. Nobody answered and at that moment, a police officer had come into the lobby. He walked right over to me and asked to speak to me in my office. He said—” a wave of fresh tears came over me.

“Lexa?” Clarke’s voice rose in concern.

_“Are you Alexandria Woods?” the officer asked me. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. “Yes, sir.”_

_“Is there somewhere we can talk?”_

_I nodded, leading the way to my office, shutting the door once inside._

_“I’m here to talk to you about one of your patients. Rylie Aarons.”_

_I really felt sick. “What happened?”_

_He took his hat off. “It may be best for you to sit down.”_

_I shook my head rapidly. “No,” I whispered, my eyes tearing up. “No!”_

_He put a hand on my arm. “I’m so sorry, but I need to ask you a few questions.”_

_“How?” I asked, squeezing my eyes shut._

_“Suicide.”_

_I didn’t ask how. I didn’t want to know. “He was doing so much better,” I whispered. “He was more happy, more relaxed. He was doing so well in school. His home life improved. He was doing so much better. He was almost ready to end his therapy sessions.”_

_I was crying too hard to respond to the officer. So I handed Rylie’s file over to him. They let me take an extended leave right there and then._

Clarke held me. She held me as I sobbed, she held me as I shook, she held me as I broke. Five years. She pulled me up and helped me to our room. She helped me dress into pajamas and laid me down in bed. I curled into her, head on her chest, her hands brushing my hair from my face. She held me together and I broke. Oh, what a dark world we live in.


	7. The First Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand...Lexa's back!   
> And she hates snow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A two-part Halloween chapter is coming the day AFTER Christmas.  
> So, Merry Christmas to you all!

I spent a week in bed. I went out for Rylie’s funeral, where I was surrounded by unfamiliar faces. Half of the high school was there. He had made an impression on each and every one of them. He thought he was invisible, but he was anything but that.

Clarke had aced her test, which shocked her because she spent more time making sure I wouldn’t slip away than she did studying. I was grateful, but I also felt guilty.

“Lexa! Clarke!” Octavia danced into the bedroom with Clarke trailing behind her. I sat up in bed. “Jesus, Lexa. You look like crap! But anyhow, do you know what day it is?!”

Jeez, she was _way_ too excited!

“October first?” Clarke asked.

“No! Well, yes. But what I mean is that it’s exactly two months from the winter ball!”

I groaned, flopping face first back in bed.

“No, nope, no way in hell.” She grasped my hand, trying to literally pull me off the bed. I whined, grasping at anything to keep me on the bed.

 _“O!”_ Clarke snapped. “She’s going through some pretty bad shit. Just leave her be.”

“She’s been in bed for a _week_ , Clarke!”

“She eats, she drinks, she bathes, she talks. She needs to rest and recover. She’s emotionally drained.” I felt a hand rub my back rhythmically.

“She needs to get out and live her life. She’s had a week, Clarke. But she needs to try to move on, which sounds like a really crappy thing to say, but it’s the truth. Plus, I’m really missing our walks to the coffee shop. Today I had to trek to the shop in the first snowfall of the year and then walk here in the snow. It’s ridiculous!”

_Snow?!_

“No fucking way!” I rolled out of bed, knocking Octavia down.

“Fuck you, Lexa,” she hissed, rubbing her elbow.

I yanked the curtains open and gasped. The sky, already starting to turn dark, had white flakes falling rapidly from it. I could barely see the street, the snow was so thick. The ground was white and I couldn’t actually tell where the street was and where the sidewalks were. The plow trucks hadn’t been out yet.

“No! Why?! _No!_ ”

Clarke and Octavia burst out laughing, but I was too busy gaping at the stupid white fluff and having a mini-temper tantrum. “Why? Why? _Ugh!_ ”

“Oh, Lexa,” Octavia giggled. “You’re not too happy with the snow, are you?”

“Snow is freaking pointless!”

“It’s pretty,” Clarke defended.

“It’s _cold!_ ”

Clarke shrugged and Octavia looked like an excited puppy. “It’s _snow!_ It’s pretty, it’s fun! Snow ball fights, building snow forts, snow angels, sledding, skiing…”

**_“If you even throw a snow ball at me, Octavia Blake, it will be the last thing you ever throw.”_ **

Clarke doubled over laughing and Octavia scowled.

“Party pooper.”

“Asshole.”

“Over-dramatic fool!”

“Fake ringleader!”

“Drama Queen!”

“You already called me that!”

“No I didn’t! I called you an _over-dramatic fool!”_

“Same thing!”

“Is not!”

“OH MY GOD, SHUT UP!” Clarke yelled, fighting a smile. “You two are so freaking _ridiculous!”_

“We’re not ridiculous!” Octavia and I shouted back at the exact same time. Eyes widening, we looked at each other. “ _Woah_.”

“You two should not be allowed near each other, you know. You’re terrible!”

“We’re not that bad,” I frowned.

“You are,” Clarke giggled.

I rolled my eyes. “Clarke, you’re the party pooper.”

Octavia shook her head. “You are, too, Lex.”

“Am not!”

“Are to!”

“What the hell, guys?” Clarke crossed her arms over her chest, scowling murderously. “Like, seriously. Stop bickering!”

“Fuck you, Clarke.”

“Hey!” I snapped. “You can’t say fuck you to my girlfriend!”

“She was my best friend before she even knew you!”

My eyes narrowed. “You want to play that game, huh? How much longer did you know Clarke than I did?”

She shrugged. “Like, two or three months maybe?” she looked to Clarke and she shrugged helplessly.

“That means that Clarke should be closer to you then?”

“Lexa?” Clarke’s voice rose nervously.

Octavia nodded.

“Well, then. I’ve known Lincoln since I was around two or three. He was a few years older than me so we didn’t actually start spending time together until I was seven and he was eleven. But, you know. I’ve known him for around fourteen years longer than you have. We used to have mud baths and swing through the trees together. He was actually my first kiss on the lips, you know.”

Clarke gasped and Octavia gagged.

“Don’t worry—it was a dare. Costia and Nyko dared me to kiss him. And then Lincoln dared me to kiss Costia…”

“Huh,” Clarke murmured.

I hugged her from behind, kissing her neck. “Don’t worry, _Klark_. You’re the only one I have feelings like that for.”

She sighed, leaning back into me. Octavia gagged, shooting us a smirk. “I’m going to crash on your couch so I don’t have to trek through the snow in the dark. But please, _please_ , put a freaking sock or something on the doorknob if you’re going to fuck. I really don’t want to walk in on something that will scar me for the rest of my life.” With that, she practically skipped out of the room.

Clarke and I laughed, like really laughed. She went and opened the top drawer of the dresser.

“Since when do you put pajamas in that drawer?” I asked in confusion.

“I’m not looking for PJs.”

I frowned. “What the hell are you looking for, then?”

She gave me her up-to-no-good smile. _“I’m looking for a sock.”_


	8. Can You Hear Me Scream? Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry I completely disappeared! Here are TWO chapters!

**_Octavia_ **

October thirtieth, which is pretty much the day before the best day of the year! The day where horrors and nightmares occur. Boy was I looking forward to Halloween. My group of friends and I could care less that we were “too old” for Halloween. We dressed up and went out, scaring people mostly. Well, everyone besides Clarke. Clarke loved kids and gave Lexa hell for even considering going out with us. She’d even pull the _“you’re a psychiatrist card”_ on poor Lex. But Lexa came with us anyways. She loves to have a good time, of course!

                                      ****

We were walking through the mall, the group of us. Clarke, Lexa, Monty, Harper, Miller, Bryan, Lincoln, and I. My stupid brother was working and couldn’t meet up with us.

“So,” I asked excitedly. “What are we all going as?”

Miller gave us his devilish smirk. “Let’s all make it a surprise this year.”

I huffed. “What’s the fun in that?”

Lexa chuckled, falling in step beside me. “It’s fun because we’ll have no idea who is who. It’s _mysterious._ ” Her green eyes sparkled with mischief. Clarke came up behind her, sliding an arm around her waist and kissing her quickly.

“Get a room!” Miller said with a smile, Bryan chuckling.

“Yeah!” Monty chimed in, pulling Harper to catch up with us.

Lincoln just looked at me, eyebrow raised. “Look away, people!” I pulled him in for a deep kiss which left everyone groaning besides Clarke and Lexa who were laughing.

“You know, there’s such thing as privacy,” Miller pointed out. I shrugged. Lincoln and I, along with Clarke and Lexa, were very well known for public forms of affection in the group. Our friends teased us with the combined names of _Linctavia_ and _Clexa_. _Linctavia_ sounded weird, but _Clexa_ on the other hand, sounded _hot_. But, of course, anything to do with Lexa has to be hot. I mean, look at the girl!

“But seriously,” I continued. “What is everyone going as?”

**_Clarke_ **

“Octavia is so _pissed_ ,” Lexa laughed as we entered our apartment. Lexa and Octavia may be the best of friends, but at the same time they were mortal enemies. “She _hates_ not knowing stuff, it’s going to slowly drive her into insanity!”

I eyed her. “Why does that make you so happy, Lex?” It concerned me quite a bit sometimes.

“She does the exact same thing to me, Clarke.”

“I know, but…” I sighed. My girlfriend was stubborn as hell.

She chuckled. “Aw! You’re all pouty now!”

I folded my arms. “Tell me, Lexa Woods, what are _you_ going as for Halloween?”

She smirked. “Nope. I’m telling you anything, Miss Griffin.”

“But!”

“Sorry, ai hodnes. I’m sticking with Miller’s rule—no telling anyone, not even my very pouty girlfriend.”

I glared at her. She leaned forward, catching her lips on mine. Instantly, any bad feelings towards the beautiful woman in front of me vanished. How could I ever stay angry at her? I cupped the back of her head, holding her in place even though I knew there was no chance of her going anywhere. She rubbed her hands up and down my forearms. With an internal sigh, I pulled away.

“Stop distracting me, Lex.” It was her turn to pout. “And you aren’t getting out of this so easily.”

“You know what costume I want to see you in?”

I raised an eyebrow. “I’ve already got mine, but go on ahead. This should be good. And it better not be anything stupid—you know how you tried to talk me into do the whole freaking “ _Frozen”_ theme last year?” Lexa shook her head, holding back laughter. “Sorry, continue. What costume do you want me to wear?”

She smirked, hands snaking around my waist and pulling me into her. “I want to see you in your birthday suit. _Right now_.”

My breath hitched and she pressed those soft lips into mine again. I pulled her towards our bedroom, removing clothes along the way.

                                                ****

I rubbed my hands in circles on Lexa’s back lazily. She was lying on her stomach, wild brown curls over on shoulder and spread on the pillow, her face peaceful as she slept. Her eyelids fluttered here and there but that was the most besides her soft breathing. I was wide awake. After all that sex I couldn’t possibly sleep. I have a habit of tiring her out apparently, because half the time she falls into a deep slumber after sex. Huh.

“Goodnight, ai hodnes.” I leaned over and kissed her forehead. “I love you, Lexa.”

**_Octavia_ **

“What the hell?”

I giggled as my mother stumbled into the room. “Octavia Blake, do you mind explaining yourself?”

“Explaining what?” I asked cheekily.

She gestured to the boxes on her kitchen floor and the ingredients covering every surface of the counter. I grinned sheepishly. When I asked my mother if I could put together a perfect costume and do some baking at her house, I had apparently forgotten to tell her that I’d be destroying her house in the process.

“Halloween’s tomorrow” was my explanation.

She sighed in frustration. Lincoln entered the room, ready to collect more of the hundreds of cookies and cupcakes I’ve already made. My mom turned to him. “Lincoln?”

He shrugged helplessly. “I had no say.”

I laughed. He shot me a mock angry look and I could see him fighting not to laugh along with me. Not because it was funny that he didn’t have much a say when it came to my crazy decisions but because how true it was.

“Why do you need this many pastries?!”

“Tomorrow is Halloween. Miller bet us to all spend a night in a haunted house. We need food to get us through,”

“Excuse me—a haunted house?” her eyes opened wide. “What haunted house?”

“The old Nottingham one on First Street.”

“Octavia!”

“Bell’s gonna be there, too, Mom!”

She stared at me for a minute. “Bellamy’s going to be there?”

“Uh huh.”

“Hmm.” With that, she walked away.

“She’s going to call him,” I laughed. Lincoln joined in. “Good thing he actually is going, because if I got caught in a lie, she’d be _pissed!_ ”

**_Lexa_ **

Clarke and I walked down the sidewalk towards First Street. Both of us wearing robes over our costumes and hoods on our heads. I still refused to let Clarke know what I was wearing. She _hated_ it.

 _“Lexa!”_ she whined. “Just tell me what you’re dressed as!”

I smirked. “Sorry, Clarke. No can do.”

She huffed and stomped ahead of me, only to stop and wait for me to catch up. “You need to go into the haunted house first, Lex.”

I sighed. “Why?”

“Because. I’m _scared_ , Lexa. If you remember, I didn’t want to do this. _At all_. But you guess talked me into it. So you have to go _first!_ ”

I rolled me eyes and slowly walked up the steps to the house. It was an abandoned house, has been for a hundred years they say. Apparently it’s haunted by a family was brutally murdered, but it was never solved. Mysterious things happened here. People who supposedly spent the night on Halloween never returned. Whether it’s true or just rumors, we didn’t know. But Miller and Octavia thought it to be worth the risk. Was I scared? Hell yes! Was I going to let anyone, especially Clarke, know? Hell no. I could do it. It’s just one night…

I opened the door, clicking on my flashlight. Clarke was pressed into my back and I swear she was shaking like a leaf. We wandered through the rooms and it appeared that we were the first to arrive. I cautiously entered a large room which appeared to be an old living room. The old wooden floor creaked under our footsteps. The walls were a dull grey color and peeling, the ceiling was white with cracks and stains. On one wall was an old stained couch that had a long tear on one cushion and a dusty coffee table at one end that had a lamp that had no bulb and a torn shade. A recliner was on the opposite wall and in the corner was a few tin garbage cans. In the center of the room, on a circular rug, was a glass coffee table that appeared unharmed. The windows were smeared and one was boarded over, the curtains still in place but untouched since who knew how long.

“This place gives me the creeps,” Clarke whispered.

I nodded. The door opening and closing caused us both to jump. But Bellamy, Octavia, and Lincoln walked through the door and we relaxed. They were all cloaked with hoods on. Octavia’s eyes shone brightly, Bellamy looked calm, but Lincoln looked just as uneasy as I did. A few minutes later Monty and Harper joined us. Monty’s face was unreadable but Harper was just as terrified as Clarke from the looks of it.

“Where the fuck is Miller?” Octavia asked. “This was his idea.”

“You wanted to do this just as much as he did, O,” her brother reminded. She just shrugged. Her phone dinged and she opened it hastily.

“Son of a bitch!” she yelled, causing all of us to jump. “He’s not coming.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Clarke growling, reaching for the phone. I looked over her shoulder at the screen.

_Sorry. Something came up. I’ll see you all tomorrow—if you make it out alive! *devil face emoji*_

“Well. Since we’re all here besides asshole Miller…how about we finally do the damn costume reveal?!”

We all nodded eagerly.

“I’ll go first!”

She removed her hood, revealing her hair which looked normal, it was just parted down the middle and hung loose. And she slipped off the robe, revealing a long black dress. The dress was tight and long sleeve, v-neckline plunging, the end of the dress splaying on the floor in a table cloth manner.

“ _Morticia Addams_ , people!” she said.

We all laughed. “Of course you found the sexiest Morticia dress you could,” Bellamy said in disapproval.

“Lincoln, you’re up!”

 He grimaced. “Octavia made me wear this, so don’t laugh.”

“Hey!” Clarke snapped. “We weren’t supposed to know what each other dressed as!”

Octavia shrugged. “Lincoln and I are engaged and live together, we don’t count in that rule.”

Clarke turned to me, glaring. “You could’ve told me what you’re going as!”

I smirked, shrugging.

Lincoln tossed his hood off and then his robe. We all burst out laughing. His costume was so accurate it was hilarious! He had on a black shirt with a leather jacket, one hand was gloved and the other one was a machine gun. Black leather pants and combat boots.

“I give you, the _Terminator!_ ” Octavia announced loudly.

“That actually looks so badass,” I told him sincerely. “It’s perfect for you, Link!”

He shrugged, ducking his head.

Bellamy took the opportunity to pull off his hood, his dark curls wilder than usual. He threw his robe off proudly. “ _Oh. My. God_.” He had on a brown… _I don’t even know_. It went over one shoulder and covered from his waist to upper thighs.

“I am _Tarzan!_ ”

“Oh my God, Bellamy!”

There was a lot of uncontrollable laughter.

Clarke shook her head. “Of course, _you_ would find a way to go pretty much shirtless, Bellamy.”

I wasn’t Bellamy’s biggest fan, but he kicked ass in being the best costume so far. But I bet that mine beats his.

“Who’s next?” Octavia asked. “Monty?”

Monty sighed. “This was Harper’s idea.”

Clarke gave me a nasty look once more but her glare turned to one of fear when we heard a clanking sound. “What the hell was that?”

We all shrugged.

Monty pulled off his hood and robe. He had a striped collared shirt with a beige jacket over it. Octavia chuckled, recognizing the costume before the rest of us. He had on plain jeans and sneakers.

“ _Mike_ from _Stranger Things!”_ Octavia squealed. She looked at Harper. “Please, please tell me you’re ‘ _Eleven!’_ ”

She giggled, robe and hood removed. “I didn’t feel like wearing a wig or shaving my head, so I’m glad that Eleven had a blonde wig on in one of the episodes!” she ran a hand through her blonde hair. She was wearing a pretty pink dress with a white collar—an old fashioned dress. “I am _Eleven!_ ” she giggled, curtsying.

“Yay!” Octavia squealed, being a huge _Stranger Things_ fan.

“You’re turn, Clarke.” Clarke, who was pre-occupied by some scraping noise that the rest of us were ignoring because we didn’t want our over-active imaginations running wild. She shuddered as she pulled off her hood, reveling her blonde hair curled in an older fashion. She slipped her robe off, revealing a beautiful white dress. The dress straps looped around her neck and had a plunging neckline, hugging her stomach but flaring out at the end.

“I am _Marilyn Monroe_. And now, Lexa, show me your damn costume!”

We all laughed at the urgency. “Okay, okay.”

I slowly pulled off my hood. My hair hung in its natural loose curls and I had a dark brown head piece that went across my forehead. I let my robe fall to the floor. The dress was tight and showed off plenty. The round neckline was low cut and tight, showing more cleavage than I wanted but hey, I loved it! Gold lined the neckline. It hugged my stomach and waist, and the skirt went just to my thighs with gold on the edges. A translucent silver veil hung from the back of the head piece and brown and gold leather wrapped around my wrist and lower arm. I’ve got to say, it’s a pretty hot costume.

 _“Holy fucking shit!”_ Octavia said with a loud voice. _Dammit, O!_

“Damn, Lexa!” “Now that’s a hot costume.” “ _Who needs porn when you have this?_ ”

“Who the fuck said that?” Bellamy asked. _Who needs porn when we have this?_ It wasn’t one us. Was it? I grabbed my robe and put it on. Octavia and Clarke followed suit. They didn’t have nearly as much cleavage showing as I did, but they had enough that it was uncomfortable. Who the fuck is in here with us?

“Who’s in here?” Lincoln’s strong voice called out.

The scraping and clanking noise that we’d been hearing for a while started again. “Fuck! I fucking told you guys that we weren’t alone!” Clarke yelled, clutching my arm in a death grip.

“Look!” Harper pointed to the corner where the tin cans were.

Fuck! I should’ve known that those cans were out of place in this freaking house!

“Should we run?” Clarke whispered shakily.

Before any of us responded, the cans went flying and a dark figure jump out with a horrific scream-like sound. We all scream blood-curdling screams. Everyone tried to push out of the room at once, I was surprised no one was stampeded.

We almost got out.

Then, a scratchy hand grasped my arm, pulling me backwards and I fell. Hard. Hard enough to knock the wind out of me. I looked up and saw a distorted face of a wolf-like creature.

I felt like I was suffocating even though it wasn’t touching me. It leaned over me, and then its arm stretched out towards me. I did the only thing I could do. I screamed her name as loud as I possibly could.

_“Clarke!”_


	9. Can You Hear Me Scream? Part 2

_A scratchy hand grasped my arm, pulling me backwards and I fell. Hard. Hard enough to knock the wind out of me. I looked up and saw a distorted face of a wolf-like creature._

_I felt like I was suffocating even though it wasn’t touching me. It leaned over me, and then its arm stretched out towards me. I did the only thing I could do. I screamed her name as loud as I possibly could._

_“Clarke!”_

“Let her go!” I heard Clarke scream, fear evident in her voice.

“She’s a goner, let’s go!” I heard Bellamy shout. _Thanks, Bellamy!_ I thought bitterly.

The creature grabbed my shoulders, pinning me to the floor. The Heda part of me resurfaced and I twisted my torso, jerking my knee up and kneeing him right in his groin.

_“Dammit, Lexa!”_

I froze at the familiar voice. The creature collapsed beside me, holding himself. I grabbed the wolf-head and whipped it off, gasping.

_“Miller!”_

Clarke rushed over to me, kneeling beside me. I nodded at her, letting her know that I’m okay. She reached over and shoved Miller’s shoulder. “You’re such an ass!”

“What the fuck, dude?” Octavia marched over with the rest of them. “You trying to put Lexa in legitimate cardiac arrest?”

He glared at me. “Is Lexa trying to make sure I can never produce offspring again?”

I shrugged. “What the hell did you expect me to do, huh, Miller?”

“Scream like a girl!”

“I take great offence to that.”

Octavia nodded. “Every badass girl in the world takes offence to that, _Nathan_. If you wanted someone to scream like a girl, you should’ve grabbed Clarke and not Lexa!”

“Hey!” Clarke yelled, glaring at Octavia.

I grimaced. “Sorry, ai hodnes. But I agree with Octavia.”

She just huffed, knowing all too well that it was true. I reached out to her but she scooted away. “Fine. Be like that.”

Octavia cleared her throat. “Now that the whole night of horrors thing is over, how about we eat some of this crap I spent all yesterday afternoon making? If I come home with any of it, my mother might legitimately murder me.”

Bellamy looked at his little sister in confusion. “Why would mom kill you for coming home with food?”

I looked to Lincoln for help, but he gave me a look that clearly said that I was on my own. “I, um, kinda did all the baking at mom’s house. And I may have made a mess. And I may have not cleaned it all up. And I may have been ignoring her calls all day and pretended I wasn’t home when she came to the apartment. And I may have made Lincoln lie for me.”

“Dude! Why?”

“I didn’t know, Bell. Because she’s fucking scary?”

“Well, duh. You’re a _mini version_ of her!”

“I’m not as bad as her.”

Bellamy nodded. “You’re right. You’re _worse_.”

If looks could kill, Bellamy would be dead right there and then. “Guys?” The Blake siblings stopped their little stare-off to look at me. “What are we doing now?”

                                                ****

“This is _so_ good, O,” Harper moaned, eating her fifth cupcake. We all nodded in agreement. “This is why you’re catering for the winter ball.”

“No!” I groaned, flopping over.

Harper frowned. “No to my winter ball, or no to Octavia catering?”

Octavia chuckled. “Lexa hates anything with the word _winter_ in it.”

Clarke smiled slightly but it vanished when she saw me looking at her. I sighed. She must still be angry with me from earlier. I have a lot of damage control to do later.

“How can you hate winter, Lexa?” Bellamy asked. “It’s my favorite season!” Miller, Clarke, Octavia and Harper nodded in agreement.

“I’m with you, Lex. I hate winter, too,” Monty told me. I gave him a grateful smile.

I reached for a pumpkin spice cookie. “I just do. I hate the cold.”

“You guys should see the amount of layers she wears when we walk to work together!”

Lincoln chuckled. “Don’t feel bad, Lex. She says the same things about me when I have to walk anywhere.” He hesitated, eying his fiancé. “I hate winter, too.”

_“Lincoln!”_

He dove from his spot beside Octavia, who was fuming about his confession about her favorite season, and slid besides me which left everyone beside Octavia chuckling.

“Traitor.”

He ducked his head apologetically, but he couldn’t erase the smile on his lips. “Sorry, my love.”

I patted his back sympathetically. “Don’t worry, Lincoln. She won’t be pissed forever. Just until someone else does something to piss her off more.” I swallowed as Octavia’s glare transferred to me. “Like right now. I’m pretty sure she’s now more pissed at me than you because I told you that she won’t be pissed at you once someone else pisses her off…”

“You’re rambling, Lex,” Clarke pointed out, an annoyed look on her face.

“Sorry,” I mumbled. I had a tendency to ramble when something felt like it was going wrong. Clarke _hates_ it when I ramble. She said it’s annoying and distracting. Which might sound rude, but she’s Clarke and she’s the sweetest person I know.

“For the record,” Octavia said as she crawled over to Lincoln and me, “I’m not actually pissed at anyone.”

Lincoln and I chuckled as she awkwardly tried to hug us both at the same time.

“Just don’t make me choke on my cookie,” I whispered. She burst out laughing, kissing my cheek before settling on Lincoln’s lap. I adjusted myself so I could lay my head on Lincoln’s shoulder. I could literally feel Clarke’s glare boring into my exposed back.

Miller and Monty started up a conversation about cars with Lincoln and Bellamy. I paid no attention to it because I had no interest in cars whatsoever—I won’t even willingly get into one! I glanced around the room at everyone else. Octavia looked like she was falling asleep in Lincoln’s lap, Harper was till munching away at Octavia’s pastries, and Clarke was sitting on the couch staring at nothing in particular with a bored expression. With a quiet sigh, I stood up—my legs hate me, I haven’t stood in hours—and grabbed a plate of pumpkin spice cookies, which I knew was Clarke’s favorite, and went to join her at the couch. I sat down on the other cushion, careful not to startle her. She glanced at me, blue eyes meeting green.

“Hi,” I whispered cautiously.

“Hi,” she whispered back with a ghost of a smile on her lips. She edged closer to me. “I’m sorry, Lexa.”

I frowned. “What for?”

She sighed. “For…being a jerk.”

“You’re not a jerk. You’re the most amazing person I know.”

She shook her head, scooting over so we were touching. She rested her forehead against mine and I sighed contently. “You’re just stressed, Klark. It’s understandable.”

“Stress doesn’t excuse me being a jerk.”

“You’re not a jerk.”

She sighed in defeat, knowing that I wasn’t going to admit she was a jerk. I would never admit she was anything but the most amazing woman I know.

“I love you, Lexa.”

“I love you, too, Klark kom Skaikru.”

She laughed quietly. “That is so much more badass than Clarke Griffin, Heda Lexa kom Trikru.”

“That’s who we are. Who we’ll always be,” I whispered, suddenly feeling really sleepy.

“Always.”


	10. Why I Hate Winter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO SORRY I completely disappeared! I'm posting a few chapters tonight to make up for it

_Eleven: S.O.S HELP!! Winter Ball in ONE MONTH and I don’t have it all figured out yet!!_

_Cutie Pie: One-please. She’s freaking out! And two, whoever changed my name to cutie pie, please change it back!!_

_Blonde Beauty: But it’s cute!_

_Cutie Pie: Clarke? Did you make my name cutie pie?_

_Blonde Beauty: No. but I know who did!_

_Cutie Pie: Let me guess…_

_Sword Maniac: It was me…_

_Cutie Pie: O, please change it back to my name!_

_*Warrior Princess changed Cutie Pie’s name to Monty*_

_Cutie Pie: Thank you Lexa!!_

_Sword Maniac: Fuck you, Lexa._

_Eleven: GUYS!!_

_Monty: She needs help. I’m no help._

_Blonde Beauty: I’m at my Internship, sorry guys._

_Sword Maniac: I’m at work._

_Big Teddy Bear: …why is my name Big Teddy Bear? Octavia?_

_Sword Manic: LMAO wasn’t me this time!!_

_Blonde Beauty: Sorry, Link, I had to_

_Big Teddy Bear:_ _L_ _fine_

_*Sword Maniac added Ice King to the group chat*_

_Ice King: What the fuck did you just add me to, Sky Girl?_

_Sword Maniac: LMAO it’s called a GROUP CHAT, Roan…_

_Ice King: I know what a group chat is, sky girl. But who the fuck is in this group chat? I know Monty, but who is Eleven, Blonde Beauty—I’m guessing Klark?—Princess Warrior—Lexa?—Big Teddy Bear, Wrench Monkey, Fucking Werewolf, Coffee Hog, and Bob the Builder?_

_Bob the Builder: WHO THE FUCK CHANGED MY NAME TO BOB THE BUILDER?!?!?!_

_Sword Warrior: LMFAO!!!! TO WHOEVER DID THAT: I FUCKING LOVE YOU!!!!_

_Eleven: Everyone besides Clarke, Monty and Octavia—what the hell are you doing? Who can HELP ME?!_

_Bob the Builder: I’m with…fucking werewolf and coffee hog. And btw, they don’t appreciate the name changes guys. But we’re all busy._

_Princess Warrior: I’m free, but I’m not leaving my apartment._

_Eleven: WHY?_

_Princess Warrior: There’s fucking THREE FEET OF SNOW OUTSIDE!!_

_Sword Maniac: Remember, I told you that Lexa HATES winter!!_

_Blonde Beauty: Don’t kill my girlfriend. I love her too much for her to freeze. And I really need her tonight after this really long, grueling day of internship. Having my mom as my boss royally SUCKS_

_*Sword Maniac changed Princess Warrior’s name to Sexy Lexi*_

_Sexy Lexi: FUCK. YOU._

_*Sexy Lexi changed her name to Lexa*_

_*Sword Maniac changed Lexa’s name to Alexandria*_

_*Alexandria changed her name to FUCK YOU OCTAVIA*_

_*Sword Maniac changed FUCK YOU OCTAVIA’s name to Clarke’s Babe*_

_*Blonde Beauty changed Sword Maniac’s name to Thing One and Clarke’s Babe’s name to Thing Two*_

_Blonde Beauty: Sorry babe_

_Thing Two: You’re fine, Klark. You can make it up to me tonight ;)_

_Thing One: FUCK YOU BOTH_

_*Thing Two changed her name to Princess Warrior*_

_*Thing One changed her name to Sword Maniac*_

_Eleven: LEXA GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!!!!_

_Princess Warrior: FINE_

_Ice King: What do you need help with…Eleven…?_

_Eleven: This is Harper, and I need help planning my winter ball!!!_

_Wrench Monkey: Wow. I missed a lot. I’m out of work today, so I’ll join Lex and the king to help you, H!_

_Eleven: I love you, Raven!! See you all soon!!_

_Princess Warrior: If I die of frostbite, Clarke, just know that I love you </33_

_Blonde Beauty: Don’t die, ai hodnes_

_Blonde Beauty: FUCK. My mom is coming my way and she DOESN’T LOOK HAPPY. SOS! I THINK I’M GONNA DIE TODAY!!!!!!!_

I laughed at Clarke’s last message. I still hate Abby. I probably always will. She lives with a giant stick up her ass.

With a heavy sigh, I started layering up and headed to the elevator to bring me outdoors. I groaned loudly when I looked out the lobby doors. I wasn’t joking when I said there was three feet of snow to the group!

“This is why I hate winter,” I growled to myself. I began the long trek through the snow. “Ugh, I hate New York!”

“Don’t knock this place!”

I squeaked, spinning around. I lost my footing and fell backwards into a snow bank. I screamed as the icy snow went into my boots and down my back.

Laughing, Raven towered over me. She held a hand out and hauled me to my feet. She then whipped out her phone, typing violently. My phone dinged. “Raven, you didn’t!”

She smiled at me sweetly and I groaned.

_*Wrench Monkey sent a photo*_

_Wrench Monkey: LEXA FELL INTO A SWOWDRIFT._

_Sword Maniac: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA_

_Princess Warrior: AND YOU WONDER WHY I HATE WINTER_

_Wrench Monkey: CLARKE!! Your girlfriend just PUNCHED ME._

_Blonde Beauty: You deserve it!!!_

_Wrench Monkey: SHE TRIED TO PUSH ME INTO FUCKING NYC TRAFFIC_

_Princess Warrior: HARPEEERRRRR I CAN’T!! THE SNOW IS MELTING. I REPEAT, THE SNOW IS MELTING. I’M SOAKED IN MELTING SNOW. I’M GONNA DIE OF HYPOTHERMIA OR SOMETHING!!!!!_

_Blonde Beauty: FUCK IT. I’m gonna meet you guys at the hall._

_Eleven: What about the internship?!_

_Blonde Beauty: ERM, I’D RATHER MY MOM HATE ME THAN LET LEXA DIE OF HYPOTHERMIA WHICH IS A VERY REAL THING!!_

“See? I told you it’s possible!” my teeth were already chattering.

“Yeah, okay. It’ll take a while to kill you though. So start walking—in _front_ of me so don’t have an opportunity to try to shove me into the _street!_ ”

I huffed, walking in front of her. “I’m freezing, Reyes.”

“Faster you walk, faster we get to the hall, Woods.”

I nodded. It took a good fifteen minutes to arrive at the hall and I was feeling half dead by the time we arrived.

“Ooh, you look cold,” Monty said, walking over to us. Ha handed me a wool blanket. “Clarke’s orders.” I nodded him my thanks, pulling the blanket around me.

“Raven, we missed you last week.”

“I heard from Miller about the hell of a time you had on Halloween. I so wish I could’ve been there. But you know Finn—always traveling”

“He only travels when we have a group event,” I pointed out.

She stepped away from us. “Yeeaahh.”

“Why?” Monty asked.

“Well, during the memorial thing when we all came to this new world, Clarke punched him and broke his nose.”

“I was so proud.”

She elbowed me harshly in the ribs and I glared at her, fighting the urge to hit her. She glanced at me, and her brown eyes widened when she realized what I was thinking and she quickly scuttled away.

“Wait—Clarke punched him?” Harper and Monty’s eyes were wide as saucers and I couldn’t help but laugh.

My phone buzzed with a text from Clarke. _I got you clean, warm clothes ai hodnes. On the way to the ball. Be there on 5._

I typed a quick message back. _Thank you! Drive safely, please. <3 _

_Always do! <33 _

I smiled at my phone and Raven leaned over my shoulder, her breath ticking my neck. I squirmed. _“Aw!”_ she poked my side and I huffed. “You two are too cute!”

Five minutes later, Clarke walked through the door holding a thermos and a backpack with what I assume are my clothes in it. She strode over to me, gently taking my elbow and leading towards the restroom with a “we’ll be right back” over her shoulder.

“You okay?” she asked.

I nodded. “I’m not as cold.”

“That’s not always a good sign,” she mumbled.

She began pulling clothes from the bag. I stripped my damp clothes and pulled on the dry ones. She handed me a thermos and I sniffed the liquid—hot chocolate. She knows me so well. I took a small sip of the sweet liquid and sighed happily. Clarke smiled slightly, wrapping an arm around me and hugging me tenderly. Oh how I love this girl. But I still hate winter.


	11. Making Plans

Harper’s been driving us insane for the past _three hours_. Lexa wasn’t thrilled. At all. I have _never_ met anyone who hates winter as much as this girl! She’s lucky I love her.

“So. Tables. Square? Circles?”

“Really?” Raven asked exasperated. “Circles for sure!”

I nodded my agreement. Lexa just shrugged. “C’mon, Lex. I need your opinion.”

“Circles look nicer. Plus, no corners for anyone to bump into. Hips hitting table corners are never fun.”

We all chuckled. “How many times have you hurt yourself on table corners?” I asked her.

She shrugged. “Too many times to count.”

“Oh Lexa,” I laughed. This girl, I swear!

“Lighting?” Harper asked.

“Dim. But not too dim,” Lexa was the first to speak up. “You want it light enough for all the couples to be able to stare in each other’s eyes in the Christmas spirit, but not bright enough that when it comes time for midnight that people are squinting and getting migraines. Plus, we know there’ll be slightly drunken people, so bright light doesn’t agree with them.”

“Well, then,” Raven laughed. We all joined her.

“Okay…food?”

“O’s got it. Questioning her is lethal,” Lexa pointed out.

“True.”

“Drinks?”

“Leave that to O, too. Besides the punch. Non-alcoholic punch. I’m thinking a non-traditional flavor, so no fruit punch or tropical punch. Something…soft and not tangy of that makes sense. And a big punch bowl with ladle. And those cheap plastic cups that look like the real deal kinda thing. And hot chocolate. That’s the classic winter drink. And _don’t let Octavia touch it_. She’d caffeine it up!”

We all laughed again. Lexa was on a roll today!

“Okay…tablecloths?”

“Red and green. But not the bright red—that’s too tacky,” Lexa answered.

“For someone who doesn’t like winter, you sure have a hell of a lot of ideas for this ball,” I pointed out.

Lexa had a look on her face that I couldn’t identify. “It has to be perfect. It just has to.”


	12. What If?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so short. I'll hopefully be back to updating regularly. So expect a chapter tomorrow.  
> Monday, Wednesday, Friday are updates.   
> I will try VERY hard to keep up with all my updates :)

“Lexa?” Octavia’s voice called.

I looked up from my place on the edge of the bed. “In my room,” I shouted. My fingers were wrapped tightly—too tightly—around the velvet box. The winter ball was _two weeks_ away and I was losing my courage to ask the most important question I’d ever ask.

Octavia walked into the room, sitting beside me. She stared at my hand for a moment, then she pried my fingers from around the box. She opened the lid, revealing the diamond inside.

“What’s up?”

I shrugged.

“Silence. _Wow,_ okay.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, O?”

“You’re not speaking. You always have something to say. Are you having second thoughts on the proposal?”

I hesitated before nodding. “What is she says no? What if…”

“No,” Octavia cut me off. “Don’t play that game, Alexandria.”

I groaned.

“That’s a dangerous game, Lex. You know Clarke loves you more than anything.”

“She’s always pissed at me.”

“ _Stress_ , Lexa. And she’s not always pissed at you. She’s a bit more…irritable, to everyone, but she doesn’t hate you or anything. If anything, be glad that she’s comfortable enough around you to show all sides of herself, the good and the bad.”

I nodded slowly.

“I see the little things. How rubs her thumb over your hand when you hold hands, how she looks at you like you’re a fucking _angel_ , how her breath catches every time you say _Ai hodnes to her_ , how she tends to say _Ai hod yu in_ instead of _I love you_ because it’s your preferred language, all those little things.”

“I guess.”

“No. You know.”

I nodded. “I know. I love her. And…she loves me.”

“She does. She really does, Lexa.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TOMORROW--THE WINTER BALL!!


	13. The Winter Ball

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I suck at regular updates. 
> 
> This is The 2nd longest and 2nd most important chapter of part 2! 
> 
> THE WINTER BALL, which has been talked about on and off through the first 12 chapters of part 2. So, here it is!

_Eleven: ONE HOUR GUYSSS_

_Wrench Monkey: YESS! Also, can somebody tell me H’s name is Eleven…??_

_Sword Maniac: Because that’s who she was for Halloween!_

_Wrench Monkey: That was FOREVER ago!!_

_Monty: It was only 1 month and 1day ago, Raven…_

_Wrench Monkey: Shut it genius_

_Blonde Beauty: DON’T TELL MONTY TO SHUT UP!! And you’re a genius too Raven…_

_Fucking Werewolf: LOL and PLEASE CHANGE MY NAME BACK_

_Princess Warrior: NO. I still have nightmares from that!!_

_Blonde Beauty: Yeah, and when she wakes up from fucking nightmares I get woken up too because we share the same bed so FUCK YOU MILLER_

_Sword Maniac: LMFAO I LOVE THIS GROUP CHAT!!!_

_Fucking Werewolf: Of course you do, O…_

_Ice King: Don’t kill me, but what is the F in LMFAO…I think I know but not 100%_

_Sword Maniac: Fucking. It’s Laughing My Fucking Ass Off. Which I am actually fucking doing._

_Princess Warrior: O takes all that crap seriously. Normal people write LOL when something funny is said, but O won’t write it unless she actually laughs out loud. The more it makes her laugh, the more she adds to it like LMAO or LMFAO and one day she even did ROTFL._

_Sword Maniac: That was a great day_

_Blonde Beauty: Mmm. It was a scary day._

_Sword Maniac: speaking of scary…how ya feeling, Lexa??_

_Wrench Monkey: Yeah. How ya feeling?_

_Blonde Beauty; Wait—why would she be feeling scared or whatever????_

_Princess Warrior: Fuck you guys. Clarke is checking my temperature now…_

_Wrench Monkey: HAHAHAHA_

_Sword Maniac: OMG LOL_

_Big Teddy Bear: What is going on that has had my fiancé laughing nonstop for the past ten minutes??_

_Wrench Monkey: Clarke. Then Miller. Then Lexa. And still Lexa._

_Princess Warrior: Don’t pin this on me!_

_Blonde Beauty: Sorry, guys. But Lex and I got2go. We need to get ready!!_

_Sword Maniac: Same_

_Wrench Monkey: Same_

_Eleven: Same_

_Fucking Werewolf: How the fuck does it takes girls an hour to get ready?!_

_Monty: Forty-seven minutes_

_Fucking Werewolf: Really, Monty??_

_……………………………………………………………………………………….._

**_Lexa_ **

“I have _nothing_ to wear.”

“We went shopping _yesterday,_ Lexa!”

I sighed loudly. “I know. But I don’t like anything _now_.”

“You _loved_ your options _yesterday_.”

“But not _now!_ ”

She threw her hands in the air in exasperation. I couldn’t tell her _why_ I didn’t like anything. Yesterday I was looking at dresses to wear to the winter ball. Today? Today I’m looking for something to wear during the biggest moment of my life. I was looking for a dress to propose to her in. _It had to be perfect_. And none of the dresses screamed _perfect_ right now.

“Lexa…” she warned. “Must I call Octavia and tell her that I can’t get you into a dress?”

Eyes widening, I shook my head violently. Octavia, who five years ago wouldn’t wear a dress for the life of her, was now the biggest dress-wearing supporter I know.

“Then choose a dress. You have four of them you bought yesterday.”

I huffed. She was right. And I hated that. I began pawing through the four dresses. One dress was a deep crimson. It went to my knees, the top clinging to my upper body and the skirt looser which I’d be grateful for when dancing…or getting down on one knee. It was lower cut and showed of just a little with off-the-shoulder sleeves. My next dress was a deep forest green that went to the floor and was shiny as hell, low cut and long-sleeved. The next one was a cream colored which skimmed the top of my knees, no sleeves whatsoever, and it was tight as hell which may not be the best for getting down on one knee. And I looked at the final one, and suddenly I just knew. It was the one. Black dress with ruby sparkles swirled with just enough to look gorgeous without overdoing it. I changed into the dress, smiling slightly as I saw my figure in the full length mirror. “Wow,” I heard Clarke murmur behind me. Wow indeed. The dress hugged my upper body and the skirt, with was lacy, flared out slightly. The lacy one inch sleeves was settled in the perfect spot on my shoulders. Although it wasn’t low cut or anything, it was still a hot dress.

I turned to Clarke and it was my turn to say wow. She was in a bright red dress which hugged her body in all the right places. It showed off a small bit of cleavage and her back alike. The off-the-shoulder sleeves made it even better.

“I really want to rip that dress off of you right now,” I whispered almost seductively.

She grinned at me. “Later.”

 _Later_. Tonight, if all went well…if she said _yes_ , then there would definitely be dress ripped and kissing, and a whole night of sex.

I nodded, not taking my eyes off of that dress. _Damn_.

“Just a half hour…let’s get our hair and make-up over with.”

I stopped myself from groaning. I needed this night to be special. And if it meant wearing damn make-up and doing my hair, then so be it. Though I hated that stuff!

Clarke sat me on the chair in front of her desk, which was completely covered in makeup and I shook my head. Her collection was more impressive than Octavia’s, and that’s saying something! “Close your eyes.” And I did, sitting uncomfortably as she worked her magic on my face. I hated the feeling of her putting on they eyeshadow and she knew that, so she was extra careful.

“Done,” she announced and I opened my eyes. I had to admit—I didn’t look half bad with makeup on. Doesn’t mean I like it, though. She did me a favor, leaving the makeup barely noticeable. The eyeshadow was a deep brown but not standing out at all, eyelashes darkened with mascara, concealer and a slight blush. My lips stood out the most with the deep crimson lipstick that matched the deep red sparkles on my dress. I got up from the chair and Clarke began applying her own makeup. Pale pink eyeshadow, blush, mascara, red lipstick. Once she was ready she ushered me back into the chair and I complied. She began brushing through my brown curls which I had washed earlier and smelled like vanilla. She began braiding the right side in French braids which were in a more Trikru style. She let my curls on my left side hand loose over my shoulder. Once she was satisfied, she once again motioned me to get up, for good this time, so she could sit. I moved to her head, combing through her long blonde waves. I grabbed the curling iron which I knew was all heated by now. I gently curled her hair in loose curls and I smiled in satisfaction with my work. I sprayed her hair with holding spray, just in case. I nodded. Her hair was simple, but still beautiful in every way.

“All set?”

I nodded, offering a hand and helped her feet. “Just one more thing.” I grabbed a pair of lacy black tights.

She sighed but still smiled. “Just another barrier in my way tonight.”

I felt a lump in my throat but forced a smile. _Tonight_. I was really starting to have second guesses.

Hand in hand, we headed to the hall, pulling on our shoes. I went with simple flats, but Clarke went for small heels. “Perfect.”

“We’re going in the car,” she said and I didn’t even bother trying to hold in my groan. I hate cars. “You want to walk the ten blocks to the ball in this weather?”

“It’s snowing?”

“Yup.”

“Damn it!”

_Sword Maniac: HOLY FUCKING SHIT, HARPER!! LINCOLN AND I JUST GOT HERE AND IT’S FUCKING AMAZING!!!_

_Princess Warrior: Clarke and I are on our way. Be there in 5_

_Sword Maniac: Be prepared to be blown away!!!_

_Princess Warrior: Duly Noted_

I turned to Clarke. “Octavia said that the ball is amazing and for us to be prepared to be blown away. So in other words, I’ll have to pick your jaw off the floor when we get inside.”

“Hey!” she smacked my arm with a chuckle.

We grabbed our coats and made it to the lobby and outside, and I whined when the cold air hit me full force. “This weather has no mercy,” I growled as I was assaulted by snowflakes. Clarke grabbed my hand, pulling me with her to the parking garage. I climbed into her car without as much of a complaint, leaving Clarke looking at me in surprise.

“No way in hell am I walking through _that!”_ was my explanation.

“Huh. You’re hatred of winter overrides your fear of cars.”

“I’m never going to hear the end of this, am I?”

“Never.”

…………………………………………………………………………….

The drive to the hall was quick and the turnout was insane. There was valet, so Clarke and I stepped out of the car and a young gentleman in a suit and coat smiled at us and drove it to park. We walked up the stairs which were covered in rock salt thankfully as Clarke was in heels and entered the ballroom.

“Holy shit!” Clarke’s jaw dropped. And, much to my surprise, so did mine. Wow. The room was comfortably full of people, some on the massive dance floor, some standing around the food and beverage tables that Octavia had set up earlier, and some sitting at the tables. Harper went with all of Lexa’s ideas from the other day. The lighting was dimmed but not at all dark. The large, round tables had deep red and green tablecloths with decorative bowls of chocolate as the centerpieces.

“Well, damn,” I murmured, finally finding my voice. “There better be some hot cocoa.”

“You and your hot chocolate.”

I gave her my sweetest smile. We headed to the table, Clarke already eying the pumpkin spice cookie selection, which was Clarke’s forever favorite. I headed straight to hot cocoa.

And I was _oh so happy_ to find out that Octavia didn’t get her hands of the sweet liquid!

**_Clarke_ **

“O, these are amazing!” I called to my friend who just beamed. “Like, seriously, O. These cookies _are to die for!_ ”

Octavia just laughed by her laughter suddenly cut off, staring over my shoulder in a look of shock. I frowned. “O?”

“Hey, kiddo.”

I swung around, nearly falling over—damn it, why did I wear heels?—to face my father. My father who I haven’t seen in almost four years. He had an engineering job in Alaska and although we had frequent calls and occasional skype sessions. I haven’t seen him in person in so long. My eyes filled with tears and I held back a sob as I lunged forward into his arms. He held me tightly, kissing the top of my head lovingly.

“Clarke, don’t ruin your makeup. You don’t look good in the whole raccoon look. Leave that to Commander Heart-Eyes.”

I laughed and my father did as well. “Don’t let her hear you call her that, O!”

She just chuckled.

“I love you dad, so don’t take this the wrong way, but what are you doing here?”

He smiled, placing his hands on my shoulders. “I was invited.”

I frowned slightly, in thought. “By who?”

“Jake!” Lexa’s voice call out. It wasn’t a shocked or surprised call, it was a simple call. And I knew who had invited him. I stepped aside so my father could embrace Lexa. Like what he did with me, he kissed the top of her head and she clung to him tightly.

“Hey, kid.” She finally pulled back from him and he put a hand on each of our shoulders. “My girls. Look at the two of you. You’re both so grown up.”

We both gave him watery smiles. I missed him _so much_. I couldn’t believe he was here! “I missed you, dad.” He kissed my forehead.

“I missed you too, baby girl. I missed the both of you.”

Lexa took the opportunity to start drinking her hot cocoa. She shrugged when I looked at her. “I don’t want it to get cold! You don’t realize how important good, creamy hot cocoa is!”

“Oh my God, Lexa.”

She just chuckled, continue to drink the cocoa.

 _My Only Wish This Year_ began playing and I perked up. “I love this song! Lexa, come. Dance.”

She shook her head. “Hell to the no!”

“Lexa, _please!_ ”

She huffed, lifting her mug to show me that she was too busy drinking cocoa. My father—this is why I love him!—took the mug, pushing her towards me. She gave him a fake scowl and I pulled her to dance floor. “C’mon, ai hodnes.”

I kept my hands enveloped in hers as I spun her around. Damn, I love this girl! We spun and swayed with the music.

_I want my baby_

_I want someone to love me_

_Someone to hold_

_Santa can you hear me?_

_I have been so good this year_

_And all I want is one thing:_

_Tell me my true love is here!_

_All I want, just for me_

_Underneath my Christmas tree_

_Santa, that’s my only wish this year!_

All too song the song ended. We kept dancing but eventually we both stopped for a much-needed break.

“I’m going to go get more hot cocoa,” she told me, walking away. I just rolled my eyes, unsuccessful in hiding my smirk. She loved her hot cocoa too much. Classic Lexa.

**_Lexa_ **

My hand was shaking as I poured myself some hot cocoa. Like, really shaking.

“You doing okay, kid?” I jumped at Jake’s voice. He took the mug from my hand. “What’s wrong, honey?”

I hesitated. “I’m having second guesses…about tonight.”

He sighed, rubbing my back in a calming rhythm. “Clarke loves you, Lexa. Did you not see her when you two were dancing? I almost thought she was going to pop the question herself!” I shook my head.

This was what he got time off for. He might’ve missed years of holidays due to his work, but he said there was no way in hell he was going to miss his daughter getting engaged. I had called him a month earlier, to ask him for permission, even though I was pretty sure what hi answer would be I wanted—no, I needed—confirmation.

_One month earlier_

_I was pacing, the velvet box gripped tightly in my left hand. I loved the girl, I did. But I needed his consent. He wasn’t around to ask in person like I wished to, but I could call him. So I bit. The phone rang, and rang, and rang and my resolve was wavering. I felt the familiar metallic taste in my mouth when I bit my lip too hard._

_“Lexa,” he immediately said when he answered his phone._

_“Hi, Jake.”_

_“I wasn’t expecting a call from you today. Is everything okay?”_

_I nodded. Then I remembered he couldn’t see him. “Y-yes.”_

_“You don’t sound too sure,” his voice sounded concerned._

_“I’m just…it’s just nerves.”_

_“Nerves about what?”_

_“What I’m about to ask you.”_

_He waited patiently. Here goes nothing. Well, everything. “I want…I know this may seem cheesy, b-but I needed to, um, ask you this…” I trailed off. He stayed silent, patient. “I want your permission to ask Clarke to marry me.”_

_Silence. And then, “I am more than happy to give you permission, Lexa. You know how much I love you and support the two of you.”_

_I smiled, a single tear rolling down my cheek. “Thank you, Jake.”_

_“And Lexa?”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“When are you proposing?”_

_“The winter ball on December first. If you want to be there…” I trailed off, remembering how his job kept him away for nearly four years._

_“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”_

“She loves you, Lexa.” I was averting my gaze. “Lexa.” He sighed when I didn’t look at him. He gently cupped my chin with his hand, raising my head to look at him. “Lexa. She loves you. So much.”

I hesitated, and then nodded. My stomach had butterflies and I was feeling dizzy. My palms were sweaty and I could hear my heart pounding in my ears. I could do this. I could.

……………………………………………………………………….

_It’s the most wonderful time of the year_

_With the kids jingle-belling_

_And everyone telling you to be of good cheer_

_It’s the most wonderful time of the year…_

_It’s the happiest season of all_

_With those holiday greetings_

_And gay, happy meeting when friends come to call_

_It’s the happiest season of all!_

Blue eyes met green. Clarke walked over to me, and I headed towards her after Jake nudged me. I glanced at the clock. _Two minutes until midnight_. I can do this. I can. We met in the middle of the dance floor.

“Dance with me,” she pleaded.

I glanced at the clock. _One minute until midnight_. “In a minute, Klark.”

Her brow furrowed but she didn’t say anything.

“Clarke. The past six years with you have been… _amazing_. The most amazing years of my life. And…and I love you. I love you more than anything. And I never want to live a day without you.”

Her blue eyes were wide and her breathing quickened when she realized what was happening. “What are you saying, Lex?” she knew. I could see it on her face—she knew.

_The clock turned midnight._

I reached into the black clutch I had strapped over my shoulder and pulled out the velvet box I spent months worrying over. She gasped. Many people around us—many of who we knew—stopped and watched the exchange.

And I did the thing I never thought I’d ever do— _I got down on one knee_ in front of the girl I loved more than anything in the entire world.

“Clarke Griffin, will you marry me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will TRY to get the next chapter up tomorrow since this chapter is basically part 1 and next chapter part 2 of a two-part chapter


	14. Will You Marry Me?

“Clarke. The past six years with you have been…amazing. The most amazing years of my life. And…and I love you. I love you more than anything. And I never want to live a day without you.”

My heart began thumping. Was she…was she about to _propose?_

“What are you saying, Lex?” I asked nervously. I hoped, man did I hope, that she was saying what I thought she was saying.

She reached into her clutch and pulled out a box. And not just any box. A jewelry box. _A ring box_. I gasped.

And she knelt down on one knee. And I couldn’t help the few tears that escaped. I couldn’t believe what was happening.

“Clarke Griffin, will you marry me?”

I put my hands over my mouth, needing half a second to process. But I only made her wait half a second. “Yes,” I whispered. She stood up and I crashed my lips into hers, just for a moment, and then my arms were around her shoulders, hugging her with everything I had.

Clapping erupted around us and, with an internal sigh, I released Lexa and looked at all the familiar faces around us. Surprise and complete joy filled the many faces and I had never felt happier than I did in this moment, never felt more at home.

“This was _so_ worth coming home for,” my father said, approaching us. I smiled brightly at him.

“You’re practically glowing, Clarke,” he said with a smile.

“This one has that effect on me.” I kissed Lexa’s cheek, loving her cheeks blushed red. My father chuckled, wrapping one arm around Lexa and hugging her and reaching for me with the other one.

“Oh, my girls.”

Suddenly, everything made sense. “Lexa invited you…because she planned on proposing tonight? Which means she’s known for a while? Like a long while?”

Lexa hid her face, telling me my answer. My dad nodded. “She called me the beginning of last month.”

I poked Lexa’s shoulder. “Okay, how long have you been tormenting yourself over this?”

“Tormenting herself?”

I nodded. “She does that. She thinks too much, plans too much, and drives herself into insanity. And surprisingly, I didn’t have even the tiny inkling until her speech two seconds before she got down on one knee.” I poked her shoulder again. “Lexa?”

She groaned. “Four months.”

My eyes opened wide in shock. “Four months?!”

“You can thank Octavia for keeping sane.”

“Wait—O knew?”

She nodded.

“Who else knew?”

“Just Jake, Anya, Indra, and Roan.”

“ _Roan_ knew?!”

She nodded again. “O and I ran into him on a walk when he first got here and Octavia hinted at the proposal and Indra became really curious so I told them.”

“Of course Octavia did that,” I laughed.

“She keeps us on our toes.”

“That she does.” I turned to my father. “How long are you here for?”

He gave us a smile. “Until after New Year’s.”

Lexa shared an excited look with me. It had been such a long time since we had seen my—our—father, and now we had him for a month.

“Then I have an offer,” Raven appeared behind us, and from her grin, she was nearby for a while. “Jake, I have a spare room. It may be awkward, but it’s just temporary. Because I really doubt you want to be in the room next door tonight because _man_ is Clarke is going to worship Lexa in bed tonight.”

He put a hand up. “I really appreciate that offer and I’ll gladly take it, but please don’t say _ever_ anything about their… _sex life_ again.”

The three of us all laughed at the uncomfortable look on my poor father’s face. But there was one thing that Raven was right about: I was going to be _the best damn thing_ Lexa has ever had tonight. She was no longer my girlfriend, she is officially my fiancé. And making love as an engaged couple has got to be damn well better than making love as just a couple, though we were never “just a couple.”

From the look on Lexa’s face, we were reaching the end of this party. She grinned, a sparkle in her eye. _Okay, this party is ending. Right. Now._

“You know, I’m starting to get bored of this party,” I said.

“Me, too,” Lexa responded, her eyes not leaving mine.

“Well, then,” Raven spoke up. “I guess Clarke is really ready to worship her fiancé _now._ ”

 _“Raven!”_ Both Lexa and I whisper-shouted.

My father covered his ears.

Before anyone could stop to speak to us or before Raven went on to continue embarrassing us, I took Lexa’s hand in my own and pulled her away from them and we made it out of the ball without any issue. The valet brought us my car back and Lexa was in the car before I was. She was really looking forward to getting home! It took us less than ten minutes to arrive at the apartment. We made it into the apartment in record time and we headed straight to our rooms.

The second we reached our room, Lexa’s lips connected to mine in a searing kiss. And we didn’t stop until we needed oxygen. And we took a breath, then went right to kissing.

“I want your dress off. _Now,”_ she mumbled into my lips.

“Go right ahead.”

Her fingers slid around my back, carefully pulling the zipper down so she didn’t snag skin and pulled it down. She fumbled with my bra strap, succeeding after seconds to remove it. She pulled her lips away from mine so she could remove my underwear and I didn’t complain. The second she was upright, I was pulling off her sexy ass dress and her bra went with it. I groaned. “You had to wear those wretched tights, didn’t you?

She laughed and I pushed her back onto the bed. Once she was lying down, I pulled off her tights and underwear. _Finally_.

“I swear, you purposely make it as difficult as possible for me when you _know_ we’re going to have sex,” I mumbled and she just chuckled. And then I climbed off the bed.

“Clarke?”

“Hold on.” Glancing at my ring, that beautiful diamond, reminded me of something. So I dug through my sock drawer. The only drawer of mine that I knew Lexa would never go into. Because white ankle socks were one of her pet peeves or something. She only wore tights or thin, dark colored knee highs. And I pulled out my own velvet box. She shot up in bed, eyeing me.

_“Klark…”_

“I was going to propose to you at New Years. But you kinda beat me to it.” Her green eyes were wide. I pulled out the sparkling diamond and I took her hand, which was shaking slightly, and slid it on her finger. “Marry me,” I whispered.

“Of course,” she responded. “As soon as possible.” She smile brightly at me. “We’ll have a huge wedding—not because that’s exactly what we want but it’s because we’d get our asses kicked by everyone if we didn’t.”

She laughed. “Especially by Octavia.”

I laughed with her. “Octavia would have a heart attack if we eloped. Actually, I think she’d have a heart attack if we did _anything_ besides a massive wedding.”

She nodded. I looked down at my ring once again. I stared at it for a long minute, brow furrowing. “What’s wrong, Clarke?” I ignored her, taking her hand and holding it next to mine. She gasped. “They’re exactly the same!”

“Octavia helped me pick it out…” I looked at her. “Did she ever see the ring you got me?”

She nodded, laughing. “Many times.”

“Wow. Just _wow_.”

“I think we’re going to definitely need a huge wedding. She made sure we had the exact same engagement ring, so yeah, she’s gonna go overboard.”

“She’s going to plan the whole thing.”

“I don’t know whether I’m gonna love or hate that.”

I smiled. “It might drive us crazy, but…” I climbed back onto the bed and pushed Lexa gently back so she was lying down with me hovering over her. “It’ll give us more time to do _this_ …”

“You’re nothing but trouble, _Klark kom Skaikru_.”

I chuckled, loving how she still called me that.

“I know I am… _Heda_.”

I interlaced our fingers and I leaned down, capturing her lips in mine once again.

Every time I think that my life is perfect, this amazing woman does something to make it even more perfect. And I am thankful, and will forever be thankful, for how much she made me feel alive.


	15. Storm Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First and only chapter of Jake's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I write POVs of young women like Lexa, Clarke, and Octavia. I have never written a POV of a 40 something year old man, so don't judge too harshly. I'll be uploading another chapter tonight, right after this since I haven't updated in literally forever. So sorry!

Chapter 15: Storm Days  
Jake  
“And this is the best coffee place in town,” Raven said, leading me into the quaint little shop. Huh. Definitely better than any shops in Alaska. And warmer. And fuller. The place was packed.  
“Raven!”   
Octavia leaned over the counter desperately. “Help! We’ve been packed like this since opening! Like fuck, I just had to give Harper the day off! And Lexa the whole week off! Please, please, please help me!”  
The girl beside me shook her head. “I’m a mechanic, not a barista, Blake.”   
She groaned. “Reyes!”   
She held up her hands. “I’ll call Lexa.”  
“Dude, no! Today is her first day off!”  
She waved her hand, nearly smacking me in the process. “Abby has Clarke working brutal hours today, so Lexa ain’t doing anything important.”  
What? Abby was making Clarke work two days after her engagement?  
“Wait, what? Why?” Octavia sounded just as confused as me.  
“Abby hates Lexa more than anyone in the world,” was Raven’s explanation.  
“How could anyone hate Lexa?”   
She shrugged. “Lexa isn’t afraid to tell Abby what she thinks. Plus, Clarke chooses Lexa’s side—with good reason, too—so Abby hates her and she gave Clarke extra hours to prevent her and Lexa from spending time together.”   
“Okay. So, call poor Lexa and ask her to come in—tell her I’ll pay double. And then give me Abby’s number so I can give that bitch a piece of my mind.”  
Raven huffed but walked away from the congested counter to speak without the noise. I edged closer to the counter and pulled out my phone and a pen, writing my ex-wife’s number on the napkin. “Here you go,” I handed the napkin to the frazzled brunette. “Abby’s number. I’m going to give her a call, too. Lexa doesn’t deserve that. She’s a sweetheart.”  
Octavia nodded. “Everyone besides Abby loves her.”  
Raven returned, cramming herself into the tight space. “Lexa’s coming, Harper’s joining her. They were having a movie marathon when I called them.”  
Octavia nodded. “I feel so bad. They both had the day off. But if you would’ve come helped me, then I wouldn’t have to of had you summon them.”  
Raven just rolled her eyes.  
………………………………………………………………………  
Twenty minutes later, I heard Octavia shout in a very relieved voice, “Harper! Lexa! You two are life savers!”  
I immediately searched for the girls, well mainly Lexa.  
“Raven, hold my coat.” Harper stalked over to us, pulling the navy coat off the literally throwing it on Raven.   
“I’m not a coat rack, Harper!” Raven complained.  
“After calling us into work during this snow storm, you are.” Lexa spoke up, appearing behind Harper. Harper laughed and I couldn’t help but grin. Lexa peeled off her coat, tossing it at Raven. Then she pulled off the white beanie off her head, smoothing her hair and tossing at Raven as well. “I swear, you better stay until the end of the day, because I’m not taking the chance of anybody stealing my belongings.”  
“And you’re driving us home. I’m walking in that storm again.”  
With that, the two of them turned and walked away to go help Octavia with the gaggle of people who wanted coffee and hot chocolates and snacks to get them through the storm.   
………………………………………………………………………….  
“Oh my God, that was on hell of a day,” Octavia groaned as the final customer walked out of the shop. She hurried to the door, turning the open sign so it said closed. “Harper, Lexa, thank you so much! I’m so, so sorry to have to call you here.”  
Harper shrugged. “It’s fine. You’re our friend, we’re here when you need us.”  
“Yeah. And don’t worry about having to pay double, you needed help, we were here.”  
Octavia smiled, giving Lexa a big hug. “You are my favorite person right now.”  
“Hey, I was here, too missy!” Harper complained but smiled anyway. With a laugh, Octavia held and arm out and Harper squealed and went in for a hug.  
“Okay, let’s just go,” Raven complained, holding the girls winter attire out. “I want to be able to get home before midnight.”  
“Raven…it’s only just after seven,” Lexa said slowly, walking over to grab her coat and beanie.   
“But it’s dark.”  
“Still early.”  
“Whatever.”   
Lexa gently started pushing Raven towards the door. “Okay, okay! I get it, Lexa, you’re ready to go!”   
I chuckled, following the girls out to the car. “Get in the back, Harper!” Grumbling, Harper climbed way in the back of the minivan, Octavia and Lexa climbed into the middle, while I sat in the front. Raven started the car, driving too fast on the icy road for my liking. And she pulled into a parking garage to what I assumed was Lexa and Clarke’s apartment. Sure enough, they all besides Raven got out. I pulled my suitcases from the trunk.   
“I got it,” Lexa appeared beside me, grabbing one of the suitcases. I wanted to argue, but from the look on her face, I knew better so I just hauled the other one, following them out into the snow briefly, and into the warm lobby. Lexa led us to an elevator and up to their apartment.  
The apartment smelled wonderful—like vanilla—and everything was definitely a mix of both girls. It wasn’t a huge mess like Clarke, but it wasn’t immaculate like Lexa—it was a perfect medium. The walls were a soft maroon, which was definitely Lexa. Leather couches, also Lexa. The marble kitchen was all Clarke, before I moved to Alaska, before she moved out of my house I owned, she always mentioned how the kitchen should have marble countertops because marble looked so much better. The kitchen was well organized, which was very Lexa. Clarke hated order. The table was square, also being Clarke since Lexa had a hatred of cornered tables—she’d walked into too many of them. The huge TV was Lexa, along with the DVR and DVD player. The recliner was very much Clarke. It was a nice little apartment from what I could see of it.   
Lexa headed to a room, opening it and pulling the suitcase in after her. I followed her into the room. It was a nice room compared to what I had in Alaska. There was a bed and heat, that’s all I could ask for.   
“Lexa! I’m hungry!”  
“Then make something, O!” she called back, heading towards the other girl’s voice. Octavia frowned once we reached her. “Seriously, O? You are more than capable to make something to eat.”  
She continued to pout.  
“Fine. I have to make sure Clarke has food to eat when she gets home from Abby Working her to death.”  
She headed to the kitchen and I followed. “You were working all day today, too,” I pointed out.  
She shrugged.   
“Go, sit. I’ll make food.”  
She shook her head. “Jake…”  
“Lexa. Go, sit.”  
With a sigh, she nodded finally, walking over to sit beside Octavia. They turned the TV on and harper joined them on the couch. I smiled as I began cooking. I was happy that Lexa was finally happy. She really deserved it.


	16. The Beauty of Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I really hate Abby.

_Clarke_

I sighed, finishing putting the data in the computer. It was way past the time for me to check out of the hospital—I was an _intern_ for fuck’s sake, not a doctor! But my mom…she hates Lexa with a burning passion, and I resented her for that.

“Clarke, there’s another patient,” I heard her say. I was seething.

_“No.”_

“Clarke…”

I swung around. “ _No,_ Mom. You take care of the patient. I’m a fucking _intern_. I’ve already worked _double_ of my regular times. So guess what? I’m not coming in tomorrow. _At all_. Because guess what? I complete my internship with the amount of time I complete, not the amount of days I do. So I’m not coming in tomorrow.”

“You do not get to speak to me like that, young lady! I’m your _mother_ and your _boss_.”

I laughed bitterly. “I’m _twenty-four years old_ , mother. I’m not an incompetent child, mother. And as for the boss? I’m requesting a change in who I work for, as this is becoming a conflict of interest.”

“Conflict of interest? Really?”

“ _Yes_. And you’re fucking ridiculous! I’m engaged to Lexa, who you hate for no reason, so you’re making me work double time. Plus, Dad came to the house today, so I wasn’t there when he got there! Not to mention that Lexa is going to have to stay up to make sure I eat when I get home. So dammit, mother, just knock it off!” I grabbed my bag from the chair, quickly clicking enter on the screen and powering the computer off. “I’m done, mom. I’m done.” And I stormed past her. She was so ridiculous all the fucking time! 

I was seething the whole drive home, my shaking hands gripping the steering wheel so hard that my knuckles were white. I had to pay attention to my driving, especially with my current mood and icy streets.

I arrived to the apartment safely, shaking hands struggling to turn the doorknob. It took a minute and some deep breathing, but I made it inside. Harper and Octavia were perched on the couch watching TV while Lexa and Dad sat at the table, deep in conversation.

Octavia was the first to notice my presence. “Clarke!”

I gave her a small smile.

“Rough day?”

“Every day with my mother is a rough day.”

“There’s food for you,” Lexa spoke up. She got up and grabbed a plate off the counter, which appeared that she made it not that long ago. I subtly sniffed the air as I moved to the table. I glanced at the plate. Chicken, green beans, and applesauce.

“Did you eat?” I asked.

She nodded. “At the café. Octavia was slammed so Harper and I ended up helping out. Mainly because Raven was too stubborn to help her.”

“She use the _‘I’m a mechanic, not a barista’_ line?”

“That she did,” Octavia answered.

I shook my head, sitting down. Well, Lexa pushed me down in the chair. She grabbed me a can of Pepsi, placing it beside my plate.

“Hey, I want a soda!” Octavia called.

With a chuckle, Lexa grabbed a sprite for Harper, a cherry cola for Octavia, and a root beer for herself and my father. She sat beside me, drawing her legs up onto the chair as she sipped the fizzy drink. I could never drink root beer, there’s just way too much fizz. And the flavor…I can’t explain it, but I hate it.

“Hey, Jake? Do you know how to play Black Ops?” Octavia called out suddenly, holding out one of the PS3 remotes.

My father joined her on the couch, taking on the remotes. Harper laughed, pulling out her phone ready to video them. I sighed contently, finishing my dinner. Lexa ran a hand down my back, then stood, standing beside me, her hands massaging my shoulders. “You’re so tense, Klark.” I tensed up at that. Being tense was…natural to me now. I was so used to the constant ache in my muscles. So when I automatically started to feel my muscles relax to Lexa’s massaging I almost wanted to pull away. Almost.

“Lexa.”

“Hmm?”

I bit my lip, holding back a yawn. “I’m tired. I’m going to bed.” Which mas my way of silently telling her I wanted to be alone. And she understood it. The rare moments when I wanted away from everyone, including her, she understood.

“Do you want a bath?”

I thought about the hot water and my aching muscles and I nodded silently.

“Okay.” She kissed the top of my head, and walked to our bedroom, which had our own private bathroom connected to it. I stood up slowly, stretching, and finally followed her, still sipping my soda. In the bedroom, I could hear the water running. Lexa came out of the bathroom and gave me a small smile. Setting my soda down on the bureau, I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her in a silent thank you.

_Lexa_

I joined my friends after making sure Clarke was settled with her bath. I hated how Abby did this to her. How Abby hurt her in ways that made her close up and want to be in solitary. And I hated that I was the reason for the mother-daughter relationship to be failing. Absentmindedly I sat beside Harper, who was still videoing Jake and Octavia’s video game.

“You okay?” she asked, and even though I was grateful for how caring she was, I silently cursed her as Jake turned to me and he could see through any façade I put up. But he was in the middle of a game and couldn’t bail, so I put a fake smile on my face and answered with “yeah, just tired. Long day today.”

Harper and Octavia nodded, buying. Jake, clearly, did not. He had the ability of reading me like a book, which I loved but was aggravated by at the same time. I got up and went to grab some pretzel sticks and another can of root beer. To tide me over until bedtime. The clock said 8:45, so there was still a while to go.

Jake and Octavia finished their game within a half hour, and Octavia announced she needed a shower and Harper went to rummage through the kitchen politely, after asking permission, which is something Octavia has yet to learn. Jake sat beside me, with a knowing look on his face.

“Okay. Talk.”

I pressed me lips together, not saying a word.

“Okay, fine. I’ll talk then.”

I looked at him, raising an eyebrow.

“You feel guilty.” I was taken aback. He really could read me. But I refused to acknowledge he was correct. “Clarke and Abby’s little war. You feel that it’s your fault, and even though you love Clarke, you wonder if she’d be happier if she had her mother and not you.” I looked away, confirming he was right. “Well, you’re wrong.”

“How am I wrong?” my voice cracked. I don’t get emotional easily, but when it came to Clarke, I could be destroyed with just a few words…or thoughts.

“You chose her. You two have been through so much, yet you stay by her side. Abby…she wants Clarke to choose between herself and you. And you know what? Clarke chooses you, because you don’t expect her to choose one over the other. She wants you, and if she could only have one person in the world, it’d be you.”

“He’s right, you know,” a voice came from behind us. I turned and gave Clarke a sheepish smile. She walked over and tucked a loose curl behind my ear. “It’s getting late.” It was her way of saying she wanted me to be there for her, with her.

“I’m ready for bed,” Octavia complained just in time, exiting the bathroom in a pair of borrowed pajamas. “I’m crashing on the couch.”

“Where am I sleeping?” Harper piped up, munching on a cookie she found.

“I’ve got an air mattress in the closet,” Clarke replied, going to get it and the air pump. With Harper’s help, they set the very noisy bed up after moving the coffee table out of the way.

“Let’s go to bed,” Clarke grabbed my hand, leading me into our room to get a much needed rest.


	17. Lexa's Reason

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next few chapters will have TRIGGER WARNINGS

Chapter 17: Lexa’s Reason  

_“Octavia! There better be a damn good reason you’re waking me up at eight in the morning on a Saturday!”_

She gave me a sheepish grin, perched on the edge of my bed. “December fifteenth. Christmas is ten days away. Christmas shopping. The mall. Now.”

 _“Fuck no!”_ I burrowed deeper into my comforter. “Go away.”

“Is everything okay in here?” Jake asked in a slightly sleepy voice.

“Damn it, O, you woke Jake up, too,” I mumbled, voice muffled by my blanket.

“Actually, Lex, your yelling at me is probably what woke him up.”

I grabbed my pillow, hitting her as hard as I could. She shrieked as she fell off of the bed. I grinned smugly, stuffing the pillow back under my head.

“Get up, Lexa. Christmas shopping!”

_“I hate Christmas shopping! I hate anything to do with winter!”_

“You… _what?_ ” Jake’s voiced was shocked to say the least. _Oh yeah, he doesn’t know about my hatred for the season_. “How can you hate winter? Winter, Christmas, snow, it used to be your favorite thing of all…besides Clarke.”

“She’s got a reason. A good one. Even though it’s a ridiculous one.”

“It’s not ridiculous…” I mumbled as the memory flashed back to me. The memory of why I truly hate winter.

_Four Years Ago, Christmas Eve Night_

_“Come on, Clarke. We’re going to be late to the party!” I was practically bouncing. I loved Christmas. So much. And I wasn’t fond of being late to the Christmas Party. It was Christmas Eve evening and Octavia and Lincoln were hosting a Christmas party._

_“Okay, okay!”_

_Clarke and I had just moved into an apartment together a month before, right after Jake had gotten a job in Alaska. Jake joked that I should move with him because of how much I loved the winter season and snow. Cause Alaska is a place of just snow. Tempting, but no._

_I pulled on my coat and boots and we left the apartment, heading into the snow. I breathed out, loving the way my breath turned white in the icy air. It was cold, sure, but it was so cool! Clarke led me to the garage where her new car was parked. With a groan, I climbed into the car. I might love snow, but I don’t plan on walking the twenty minutes to Octavia’s mother’s house in it. So Clarke started the engine and we drive in a comfortable silence. It was comfortable, until_ it _happened._

_The semi was driving towards us, on its own side. But it was going too fast, and it hit the black ice, the driver losing control, swerving into our lane. Clarke didn’t have time to swerve to avoid the collision completely. Nobody would’ve. She tried, but we didn’t stand a chance. The truck hit with so much force that our car was sent through the air, rolling five times down a slope. All windows smashed, my car on its side. My side was pressed into the snow, the icy mush, covering me. I was cold, no I was freezing, but I couldn’t get away from it. I could hear Clarke calling my name, but I was too cold, too shocked to respond. She told me it would be okay. I didn’t believe her._

_It took a half hour to free us. I don’t remember this part. I was unconscious during it. Clarke got away with just a slight concussion. I had minor scrapes, an arm broken in two places, minor frostbite, and hypothermia. I was in the hospital a week._

_Winter would never be the same to me again._

“A month after you left to Alaska, she was in a car crash. Truck hit black ice, Clarke’s car flipped. Clarke was okay, but Lexa had a broken arm and hypothermia,” Octavia explained to Jake, whose eyes got wider by the second.

“Don’t forget the frostbite,” I said softly.

Jake’s gaze turned to me. I didn’t feel like answering a million questions or reliving that event. So I rolled out of bed, pulling open one of my drawers. “So, are we going shopping or what?”

Octavia nodded, a small smile on her lips. She was glad she was victorious, but she wasn’t too happy with the circumstances. I locked myself in the bathroom to change into jeans and a maroon turtleneck. I exited the bathroom, heading to the living room where Octavia waited. While I was pulling on my winter coat and boots, Jake emerged, dressed. I felt that he would regret coming on a shopping trip with Octavia, but he wouldn’t want to stay in the apartment all day by himself.

“Ready?” Octavia asked, clapping her hands.

“Let’s get this over with,” I grumbled, earning a look form Jake that told me we’d be having a talk later. We headed out to the street below.

“I borrowed my mom’s car,” she explained, walking over to the black SUV. _Great,_ I thought. I saw Octavia whisper something to Jake that I couldn’t make out. And when Jake held the passenger seat door open for me I know she was telling Jake to let me sit in the front so I could see what was going on in the street in front of us. I got slight—okay, a lot—of anxiety if I couldn’t see what was happening around me while in the car. So I climbed in, avoiding the concerned look he was giving me. I was do so good being normal, then Octavia had to open her big mouth. Yeah, I should’ve told him what happened when it happened and not waited four years for my best friend to let it slip, but still.

The drive to the mall was quiet and uneventful. I turned the dial up when _Pentatonix’s Little Drummer Boy_  came onto the radio.

_Come they told me, ba rump a bum rum_

_A newborn king to see, ba rump a bum rum_

_Our finest gifts we bring, ba rump a bum rum_

_To lay before the king! Ba rump a bum rum, ba rump a bum rum!_

_So we’re to honor him, ba rump a bum rum, when we come_

_Little baby, ba rump a bum rum_

_I am a poor boy, too,_ _ba rump a bum rum_

_I have no gift to bring, ba rump a bum rum_

_That’s fit to give a king, ba rump a bum rum,_ _ba rump a bum rum_

_“Shall I play for you”? Ba rump a bum rum_

_Mary nodded, ba rump a bum rum_

_The ox and lamb kept time, ba rump a bum rum_

_I played my drum for him, ba rump a bum rum_

_I played my best for him! Ba rump a bum rum, ba rump a bum rum_

_Then he smiled at me! Ba rump a bum rum! Me and my drum!_

Octavia parked the car and we got out of the deathtrap.

I pulled my coat tighter around me, whipping out my phone as we headed inside.

_Warrior Princess: Help! O has kidnapped me for Christmas shopping…_

“You did not!” She turned, mock glaring at me. I held in a laugh.

“Did what?” Jake asked behind us. Octavia just held up a “wait a minute” hand.

_Blonde Beauty: Sorry, babe!_

_Wrench Monkey: Bwahahaha! RIP Lexa!!_

_Princess Warrior: NOT FUNNY RAVEN!!_

_Wrench Monkey: Fucking is!!_

_Fucking Werewolf: Hey! Me and B are at the mall, too!_

_Coffee Hog: We’re getting coffee, but you’re not welcome since I’m a “coffee hog”_

_*Sword Maniac added Jake Griffin to the group chat*_

_Blonde Beauty: Did you just add my dad to the group chat?!?!_

“What the hell did you just add me to?” Jake asked, looking at Octavia. She sat at one of the tables at the food court. Jake and I joined her.

“You’ll thank me,” was Octavia’s only response.

_*Princess Warrior changed Coffee Hog’s name to Batman*_

_Batman: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! LEXA IS OFFICIALLY MY FAVORITE PERSON IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!_

_Fucking Werewolf: Hey! What about me??_

_Batman: You could’ve changed my name, but you didn’t!!_

_Fucking Werewolf: You could’ve too!!_

_Batman: NO, you know the RULES_

_Sword Maniac: YEAH_ _L_

_Princess Warrior: B!! O JUST HIT ME FOR CHANGING YOUR NAME!!!_

_Batman: FUCK NO. YOU DON’T HIT MY SAVIOR O!! WHERE ARE YOU LEX?!?!_

_Princess Warrior: Food court_

_Sword Maniac: NO_

_*Sword Maniac changed Princess Warrior’s name to B’s Stupid Savior*_

_B’s Stupid Savior: …………Are you like 7 years old, O????_

_Sword Maniac: LEXA HIT ME_

_Jake Griffin: What is the purpose of this? They are sitting next to each other, typing and hitting each other?_

_Blonde Beauty: Just push her out of her chair, Lexa!_

_Sword Maniac: CLAAAARRRRKKKKKEEEE!!!!! FUCKK YOUUUU SHE LISTEBED TO YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_Blonde Beauty: MY MOM IS GOING TO FUCKING KILL ME, I’M LAUGHING TOO MUCH TO ACTUALLY DOCTOR PEOPLE_

_Bob the Builder: Wait, who pushed my sister off a chair in a pubic mall??_

_Sword Manic: LEXA_

_Bob the Builder: LEXA I LOVE YOU_

_Sword Maniac: FUCK YOU BOB THE BUILDER!!_

_Princess Warrior: BELL, YOU’RE SISTER JUST THREATED ME WITH A PLASTIC KNIFE!_

_Jake Griffin: I confiscated the knife._

_Blonde Beauty: Thank you, dad. I kinda like Lexa being, you know, alive._

_Sword Maniac: We’re out. We gotta go do actual shopping, it’s what we came here for._

_Princess Warrior: Somebody save me!_

_Batman: Look behind you_

_Princess Warrior: B you are my savior!_

I stood up, jogging over to Bryan and Miller. “I love you guys,” I said in a relieved voice.

“Alexandria, get your ass back over here!” Octavia shouted, marching over to us, hands on her hips. Jake followed with an amused look on his face.

“Uh-uh!” I ducked behind the boys. “B, tell her.”

Bryan cleared his throat. “We’ll return her at the end of the day.”

“Or…” Octavia stepped up into Bryan’s space. “You and Miller come shopping with us!”

“Girl shopping?”

“Lexa’s a girl!”

Miller shrugged. “Yeah, but her interests are more aligned with us guys than you girls.”

I groaned when Octavia snuck around Bryan, grabbing my arm in a death grip and dragging me back to Jake. “Guys!”

“Sorry, Lex, but she scares me.”

I glared at them, putting my Commander mask on. “You want to see scary?”

“Umm…grounder warrior or grounder Heda?” Miller asked Bryan.

“Heda is scarier,” Bryan answered. “Okay, Octavia, give us our Commander back or else!”

“Or else what?” she asked in an amused voice.

“Or else I use the skills I was taught at the ripe age of five and have been practicing every day since,” I responded.

She growled, releasing me. With a victorious smile, I walked back to the guys. “Oh, Raven texted me, she’s coming to shop with you,” I called over my shoulder. She perked up, and sure enough Raven appeared with a big grin, practically skipping over to Octavia.

“Sneaky, sneaky,” Miller joked.

“I was the Commander, remember?”

Both guys nodded, pulling me away from the group. Jake decided to follow us. Octavia and Raven could be…a little much.

“Let’s get to it!”

“You mean, let’s get this over with,” Miller grumbled.

Bryan laughed. “God, Nate! You’re almost as bad as Lexa!”

We all laughed, especially when Miller grumbled “Don’t call me Nate!” even though it’s his name. Why he prefers to go by his last name, I don’t know. His reaction made us laugh more. Well, all besides Jake who looked like he didn’t find it amusing one bit. Well, I imagine finding out a girl you considered a daughter was in a bad crash and almost died from hypothermia a few years ago would make that joke unamusing. But I’m over it. Clarke tried to convince me to see a therapist, but how would it look, a therapist seeing a therapist? I dealt with it on my own. I cope with it.

“What first?” Bryan asked us. Both Miller and I shrugged, hiding grins. This would be an interesting day, indeed!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next few chapters will have TRIGGER WARNINGS


	18. Broken Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM AND SUICIDE ATTEMPT OF MAIN CHARACTER*****

Chapter 18: Broken Part 1 ***Trigger Warning***

**This chapter is has a TRIGGER WARNING of self-harm!!**

**_Lexa_ **

Jake was persistent. I see where Clarke gets it from. I was doing my very best to avoid him. He wanted to talk to me about the recent revelation, he had even tried to talk a few times, but I was avoiding the topic. And he knew it. Octavia sensed the tenseness between Jake and I, so she bolted once she helped me and Jake get our bags up to the apartment with a hasty “see you later.” Damn the third floor. It went up to ten floors, so the third wasn’t _so_ bad I guess.

“Lexa.” I ignored Jake’s voice, locking myself in Clarke and my personal bathroom. I heard him knock on my bedroom door. I turned on the shower, calling out loudly, “I’m in the shower!”

I shook my head, thinking about that night. The night that destroyed everything. And I couldn’t help the tears. I tried, I really tried. But I couldn’t. So I stripped out of my clothing and stepped into the scalding water. The water burned, it hurt, but I didn’t care. I just needed to feel something besides the crushing weight in my chest and the numbness. I turned the water pressure up, hoping the burning skin would help. It didn’t. Tears poured harder from my eyes, but I wasn’t sure if it was because of the emotional or physical pain. I turned the hot water to cold, soothing my scalding skin. Once I felt…better, I stepped out, pulling my robe on, shaking. I sat on the floor beside the cabinet, opening the door, looking inside and reaching for what I wanted.

I couldn’t stand this, the feelings I was feeling. Anger at myself for everything I’ve done, this world and the last; sadness at how weak I am, at how I couldn’t just hold this all inside; blame for driving a wedge between Clarke and Abby.

I couldn’t stand any of this anymore. Jut holding all of this in…I just can’t.

**_Clarke_ **

“I’m home!” I called, opening the door. Man, I was starved. And it was so weird, not smelling food. Lexa has _never_ not had food ready for us. “Lexa?”

My father met me at the door, looking a bit concerned. “She’s been in her room an hour. She said she was taking a shower, but there hasn’t been water running for a good twenty minutes and she won’t answer me.”

I frowned. _This was so unlike Lexa!_ “Did something happen today?”

“Actually,” he began, “Octavia told me about a car crash you and her had after I left for Alaska…”

I ran away from him, to our bedroom, to the bathroom. I tried the doorknob. _Locked_. “Damn it! Lexa? _Lexa!_ ”

Panic rose in my chest and I continued to pound on the door, trying to get a response from her. _Car crash. She’s been in her room an hour. A good twenty minutes. She won’t answer me._ “Please be okay,” I whispered through tears. “Lexa!” I yelled. My hand was starting to hurt. I drew a deep breath, stepped back, and kicked the door, breaking it open.

“Lexa!”

I knelt beside her, shaking her gently. No response. “Come on, baby.” I gently laid her down from the sitting position she was in, cradling her head on my lap. There was so much blood…I rolled up the sleeve to her robe, reveling the long, deep line. It wasn’t an accident that she cut too deep, I could tell. It was purposeful. _She tried to…no_.

 _“Dad!”_ I screamed. _“Call an ambulance, now!”_ I ran my hand through her hair comfortingly. “You’re going to be okay. You have to,” I sobbed. She didn’t look good, not at all. Her skin was pale, very pale. Her lips were tinged blue, from the lack of blood pumping through her heart…the lack of oxygen. Her skin was clammy, cold, and it was the coldness that scared me. With a shaking hand I pressed my fingers under her jaw. Her pulse was slow, almost nonexistent.

She was dying. She might not make it. _She has to make it_.

“Lexa,” my father knelt beside me, resting a hand on her cheek. “How bad is it?”

 _“Bad,”_ was all I could choke out. “She’s barely breathing.”

“Why?” his voice was shaky. “She was fine all day, she was joking around with Bryan and Miller and Octavia, and she was laughing. She seemed _herself._ ”

“Lexa, she…she hides all her emotions, she tries to stop herself from feeling things. She tries to put stuff out of her mind instead of…instead of dealing with them. With the memory of the car crash and how sick she was and how she almost didn’t make it…”

“It was that bad?”

I nodded.

“Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

I hesitated. “She didn’t want anyone to know. Even our friends…most of them don’t know about the hypothermia. They all think she was hurt badly in the car crash, and that’s why she was in the hospital so long. But it was the hypothermia. Octavia knows, Anya knows, Jasper and Maya knew but they moved away just a few months after. Lexa asked everyone not to say anything. But I almost lost her. I can’t lose her, I can’t.”

I broke, right there. Cradling Lexa’s lifeless body in my arms, burying my face in her hair, sobbing uncontrollable. My father just wrapped his arms around me, around us. We just sat there, me rocking Lexa back and forth comfortingly while I sobbed, my father being there but bot speaking, knowing there was nothing that could help. The only thing that could help would be to see those green eyes open, to feel her warm body, to know she was _okay_.

“I’m sorry.”

The ambulance arrived after what felt like hours. It was like slow motion. She was laid down on the stretcher, strapped down, an oxygen mask placed over her face. Being an intern at the hospital, I see life or death emergencies all the time, but I never imagined I’d be in that situation. The situation where I climbed into an ambulance ten days before Christmas, sitting beside the woman I loved who was hanging onto life by a thread. Where her too sow heartbeat sounded in my ears from the cords attached her to her body. Where flashing lights and sirens sped towards the hospital where just a short hour ago I was working at. This is not how I imagined this night would go.

Just as we pulled up to the hospital, she flatlined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry. Don't hate me.


	19. Broken Part 2

Chapter 19: Broken Part 2 ***TRIGGER WARNING***

_Just as we pulled up to the hospital, she flatlined._

“No, no, no!”

The paramedic held me back as they raced her lifeless body inside. I followed, screaming at the man to release me. “Lexa!”

Someone ran in with a crash cart. _“Clear!”_ I closed my eyes as I heard the thump of the electric paddles trying to restart her heart. Again. Again. _Again_ …

…………………………………………………………………………….

I was staring numbly at the wall, the florescent lights hurting my eyes. Tears, dry and fresh, stained my cheeks. I cried for hours, uncontrollably, until I had no tears left. My father held me, comforting me by his touch, knowing there were no words to possibly say that could make me feel any better.

Lexa was in surgery, repairing her arm. She had cut way to deep, tearing apart the inside of her right arm. She had died and it took nearly ten minutes to get her back. They said that because of the amount of time she was… _dead,_ that there could be substantial damage to her brain. I prayed there wasn’t.

I prayed this was a nightmare, that I would wake up and have her in my arms, sound asleep and safe.

I blame myself, over and over. I should’ve seen through her stoic mask, I should’ve seen the _pain_ she was in.

_She tried to kill herself._

This is _Heda Lexa kom Trikru._ She laughs at danger. The day I met her she was twirling a knife, she didn’t waver when we were attacked by the _pauna_ , she stood at the tree lines as a missile hit TonDC, she kissed me even when she afraid because _love is weakness_ ,  she grabbed the blade of a sword with her _bare hand_ , she fought in a battle to the death and _won_ , she changed the ways of the people, her words after a bullet tore through her abdomen were _“don’t be afraid”_ directed to _me_ , all she cared about as she drew her final breaths was that I would be safe. Even in this world, she survived all the odds. She was a survivor.

_Then why was she lying in a bed, barely alive?_

…………………………………………………………………………..

“Clarke.”

I looked up as my mother strode over to us. My father stood up. “Abby.”

“She made it through surgery. She’s still unconscious, it is unclear when she’s wake up, but you are welcome to go see her.”

I nodded, ushering my mother to lead us to her room. The sound of beeping greeted us, and I was happy because it meant she had a heartbeat. And there she was, on the bed in a hospital gown, pale but looking much better. Her arm was heavily wrapped in gauze and dressing and it brought tears to my eyes.

_She tried to kill herself._

I reached a tentative hand out and stroked her hair gently. “Come back,” I whispered quietly. “I love you. I _need_ you.”

…………………………………………………………………………

The days went by, two, three, four, five. Five days until Christmas. Five days since Lexa tried to take her own life.

………………………………………………………………………….

On the fifth day, with my head resting on the bed beside her, restless but unable to sleep—I told myself I’ll sleep when Lexa wakes up—she began stirring. Her fingers began twitching a little, and with her hand inches from my face, I saw it. I shot up in bed, reaching out and cupping her cheek.

“Lexa?”

Her eyelids fluttered just a little.

_She’s waking up._

“Lexa, honey?”

And finally, those beautiful eyes opened and blue met green.

_“Lexa.”_

I couldn’t help the tears of joy and I kissed her forehead with all the love I had. “Lexa.”

 _“Clarke…”_ her voice was raspy, dry.

I reached for the paper cup on the bedside stand and I gently helped her sit up and held the cup to her dry lips so she could drink. “Easy,” I murmured as she choked, drinking too much too fast. And the cup ran dry and she didn’t even try to mask her disappointment.

“I’ll get you more.”

She barely nodded and I left the room to get her some more when I saw my father, and I heading towards him, breaking into a sprint. “Dad! Dad!”

“Clarke!” worry creased his forehead. “What’s wrong?”

Of course, he was fearing the worse. My mother hasn’t been very optimistic.

“Nothing’s _wrong_. She’s awake.”

He headed to the room and I ran to get more water, my mother standing dumbfounded in the middle of the hall.

…………………………………………………………………………

**_Lexa_ **

_I was still alive. I felt relieved—I hadn’t tried to kill myself, not really. I just wanted the pain to end. Any way it could. So I took the razor, the one hidden under sink. The one Clarke thought she threw away after I began cutting with it after the accident. The one that almost took my life before, the one that almost succeeded again. My hand was shaking, and I cut too deep. Deep enough to see my bone. I wanted to scream to Jake for help, but I was too numb. I didn’t feel the pain in my arm until it was too late, until I was too weak, until I lost too much blood. I head Clarke scream my name. “I’m okay,” I wanted to tell her, but I couldn’t even open my eyes. “Don’t be afraid, Clarke.” But the words didn’t come out.  Sirens blared in my ears, and that’s the last thing I remember._

_Until I heard her voice, crying, telling me she loved me. That she **needed** me. That’s when I started fighting. I starting fighting to live. I couldn’t hurt her. If I died…she wouldn’t recover. And I couldn’t do that to **her**. _

_And so I fought, I fought to live. Not just for Clarke, but for me, too. I **needed** her as much as she needed me. _

_And I did. I tried to reconnect to the world of the living, trying to grasp at something. “Lexa?” That was all the motivation I needed. I slowly opened my eyes, the light blinding me, and a few seconds later, my eyes found Clarke’s_

_Tears of joy rolled down her pale cheeks and she leaned over me, kissing my forehead. I closed my eyes at the contact. “Clarke…” my throat, my mouth, my lips, they were all dry. She realized, grabbing water. It was a strain but I sat up with her help and she put the water to my lips. God was I thirsty! I gulped the water, choking a little. “Easy.” Easy…okay. Much to my dismay, the cup ran dry._

_Clarke laid me back against the pillows. “I’ll get you more.”_

_I nodded, closing my eyes as she left._

“Lexa?”

I opened my eyes to Jake’s voice.

He sat on the edge of my bed, concern evident on his face. He looked so tired, like Clarke did. _My fault_ , I realized.

I said the only thing I could.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“Shh. There’s time for that later. Just focus on getting better.” he took my hand, the one attached to the injured arm. “How’s your arm?”

_“Hurts.”_

“Sounds like déjà vu to me,” Clarke responded, walking in with a much bigger cup of water.

My father gave me a confused look.

She looked at me. “Fell like telling this one?” she was trying to get me to talk, to open up even if it was a story about a goddamn _pauna_.

“The _Pauna?_ ” I asked her.

She nodded with a smile.

“What’s a _Pauna?_ ” Jake asked.

“A fucking gorilla,” I growled.

“Lexa’s still bitter about that,” Clarke laughed at Jake’s surprised expression. “It was a fun day.”

“How was that _fun?_ ” I asked, questioning her sanity and reaching for the water. She handed it to me and I gave her a quiet _thank you_.

“Tell me, what happened that day?” she asked, a slightly challenging look on her face. And I suddenly understood. Being unconscious for days…she wanted to see if my brain was working right. To see if there wasn’t any damage.

“You almost got us _eaten_ by a _gorilla._ ”

“Woah,” she interrupted. “ _I_ almost got us eaten?”

“If you hadn’t stormed out of the room, I wouldn’t have followed, if I hadn’t followed we wouldn’t have gotten almost-eaten,” I was failing to hide my smile and Clarke to see it, so she laughed shaking her head.

“Just tell him the story.”

“Why do I have to tell the story?”

“Because you’re the one who started the whole déjà vu thing, miss _‘hurts.’_ ”

Jake was fighting a smile, even though he still look concerned and weary.

“It’s a boring.”

“I want to hear it,” Jake finally spoke. His eyes met mine and he was practically begging me to speak, to be okay. I took my uninjured hand in his own and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Please.”

 _“Okay,”_ I whispered. Clarke tucked a loose curl behind my ear, stroking my hair back gently, lovingly.

“So, Clarke decided to storm out of the war meeting, and Quint, being the asshole that he was, followed her. He wanted to kill her.”

“And yu saved me.”

“I did. _Jomp em op en yu jomp ai op_.”

“What does that mean? You never told me.”

“Attack her and you attack me.”

“Hmm…so even then.”

 “Even then,” I whispered back.

“Where does the gorilla come in?” Jake interrupted

“Literally out of nowhere,” I laughed. “I had a warrior with me…he was just eighteen. We ran, and we ended up in her feeding ground. The warrior, the gorilla killed him. _Crushed_ him.”

The memory came back to me. What should be a story about how relieved we were to make it out alive turned into a story where yet another life was ended because of me.

“Lex.”

I shook the feeling off. “Clarke jumped off the wall fine. Me? Well it didn’t end so great.”

_Six years ago_

_The pauna roared, standing on her hind legs. Clarke pulled the foreign weapon and shot once, twice, three times. The pauna fell back and I slumped in relief. And then she jumped back up, only stunned from the blows._

_“Go!” I shouted, the two of us racing away from the beast. We reached a wall. Clarke jumped first, landing heavily but alright. I sheathed my sword, jumping, and I landed wrong. I heard the crack of my arm ring through my ears. Clarke back for me, my blonde angel. Crawling through the trap door, however, the pauna grabbed my leg and dragged me back towards her. I grabbed a post, trying to keep myself from the jaws of the beast. But I knew it was inevitable._

_The shots rang out._

_“Leave me!” I yelled._

_“No way!”_

_Stunned from the pain of the shots, the pauna released me. Clarke dragged me through the door and kicked it shut, leading me a cage. She set me down gently and took my sword, using it to lock the door shut._

_“You should’ve left me behind,” I commented as she wrapped my arm in a makeshift sling. “Now two will die here instead of one.”_

_“I’m still new to your culture,” she began, walking away from me, “but when someone saves your life, my people say ‘thank you.’”_

_I rolled my eyes. “I’m serious, Clarke. To lead well, you must make hard choices.”_

_“Hard choices?” she turned on me. “You’re telling **me** that?”_

_“I’ve seen your strength, it’s true. But now you waver. You couldn’t leave me to die. That was weakness.”_

_She glared at me, turning away yet again. “I thought **love** was weakness.”_

_“Mockery is not the product of a strong mind, Clarke.”_

_She turned back to me, blue eyes flashing. “I need you. You may be heartless, Lexa, but at least you’re smart.”_

_I couldn’t help but smile lightly._

_But then the banging began. The pauna found us. We moved to the back wall._

_“Don’t be afraid, Clarke. Death is not the end.”_

_“We are not dying her,” she snapped._

_I stepped forward, pulling out a knife. “Then get ready to fight. It’s coming in.”_

_She grabbed my arm, pulling me beside the door. “Then we let it in.”_

_She pulled my damaged sword out of place, and the pauna crashed in. she pushed me out the door, closing it and locking the beast inside. “Let’s go.”_

_We made it maybe a mile before we were both too tired to move. So Clarke helped me sit and clumsily built a fire for the night._

_“Rest, Klark. I’ll keep watch.”_

_As I watched the blonde beauty sleep, I realized I **liked** her. Not just as an ally, but as a person. As a lover, even though there was no way to know whether she returned the feelings. She couldn’t—I had ordered the death of the boy she loved just a week ago._

_The pauna then roared, loud enough to wake the sleeping blonde._

_“It’s okay,” I said softly to the startled girl. “You’re safe.”_

_She turned to me. “How’s your arm?”_

_“Hurts,” I said, as if it was obvious._

_She stood. “We should go. That cage won’t hold forever.”_

_“Wait!” I struggled to stand. “I was wrong about you, Klark. Your heart shows no sign of weakness.”_

_Man, did I like this girl…_

“That’s the déjà vu moment?” Jake asked.

Clarke nodded.

“Where was the fun part?” I asked tiredly. I could feel my eyelids drooping.

“Later,” she said quietly, leaning over to press her lips gently to my forehead. “Rest.”

And I did.


	20. What's Broken Can be Healed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter focuses on depressing and hopelessness.   
> I've written it from personal experience, a tragic incident like what happened to Lexa--and to Clarke, because it affected her--doesn't just go away. It's a healing process and takes time.   
> Don't worry, we will get our Heda back. And this depression storyline won't drag on forever.   
> It just takes time.

_I was released two days before Christmas._

_Clarke was hoping that me being home for Christmas would be good for me. But it wasn’t. I felt guilty, guilty that I ruined Christmas for everyone._

_I ruin everything. It’ just what I do._

……………………………………………………………………………..

“I love you.”

I closed my eyes, tears escaping.

“How could you love me? I ruin everything.”

She gently grabbed my chin, making me look at her. “Don’t ever say that again. You ruin nothing.”

……………………………………………………………………………

“I need you, Lexa.”

Just another word.

I was broken. I can’t be fixed.

 _It’s part of the depression,_ they say. _You’ll only get better when you want to get better for yourself, and nobody else,_ they say.

Clarke told me that at 11:52 PM on December 23rd.

“What if I don’t want to get better?”

It was the truth.

 _And it broke her_.

………………………………………………………………………………

“Lexa,” Jake tried. I was lying in bed, staring at the wall numbly. I didn’t even feel alive. “Clarke…she needs you. She loves you.”

“She shouldn’t. She should hate me.”

“Why?”

“Because I hate me.” I whispered.”

It was mostly true.

_And I broke him, too._

…………………………………………………………………………….

Christmas Eve night. I should be happy, I should be celebrating.

But I’m not.

I’m standing in the bathroom, holding a razor blade.

Clarke and Jake got rid of everything sharp, everything but this one. This one I hid, _just in case_.

I pressed it to my skin, sliding it across. But no blood trickled out. I didn’t press hard enough to. I didn’t _want_ to. It would break…no, it would _kill_ Clarke if I killed myself, if I hurt myself. I needed to be better for her. No, I needed to be better for _me_ , for _us_. And I _wanted_ to.

“Clarke!” I yelled, hand shaking.

She appeared in the doorway, frozen, staring at the razor in my hand with fear. “Take it,” I whispered. She took it, pocketing it, to throw away far from home. “Help me.”

She understood. She held me, crying into my shoulder.

“I can’t do this without you. I need you, Klark. I need you.”

“I’m not going anywhere, _ai hodnes_.”

……………………………………………………………………………….

“I want to get better,” I told them, Clarke and Jake.

They were relieved, they were overjoyed.

_Tomorrow was Christmas._

………………………………………………………………………...............

Christmas morning, I woke up to the smell of bacon, eggs, and pancakes. Jake’s treat. Clarke led me to the kitchen.

For the first time in two weeks, I ate a whole meal. I drank the juice, I smiled, I was a part of a conversation that wasn’t one sided. I was trying.

We passed out presents, presents bought before my brush with death. Clarke got me the most beautiful necklace with the infinity symbol which was donned with diamonds that must’ve cost a fortune, and Jake got me a beautiful fur lined coat. Clarke got the beautiful earrings she had been looking at every time we went to the mall but never got because of the price. Jake got her art supplies, the good kind. And for Jake, Clarke got him a golden watch, and got him a Nikon camera for him to capture moments with.

“For the both of you…”

He disappeared and reappeared with a large box with air holes.

I was much more excited than Clarke. I peeked in the box and stopped myself from squealing. “A German Shepard puppy!” I scooped the puppy up.

“Dad!” she wasn’t truly mad. But she wasn’t too thrilled about the puppy either.

“Clarke,” I whined, smiling as I put the pup down. I knelt beside him, laughing as he licked my cheek.

“Clarke…this could be good for her,” I overheard Jake say. And I didn’t mind.

……………………………………………………………………….

I made dinner.

I insisted, I had made Christmas dinner every Christmas for five years and I wasn’t going to stop now.

“She needs this,” Clarke repeated her father’s words from earlier.

I did need it. I truly did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to get back to daily or every other day updates. You all know I royally suck at consistency though. I'm trying!


	21. Fireworks and Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New Years Party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gets kind of...sexual?
> 
> I know the whole group chat can be confusing to some people, so here is a "who is who":  
> Fucking Werewolf- Miller  
> Bob the Builder- Bellamy  
> Blonde Beauty- Clarke   
> Princess Warrior- Lexa  
> Sword Maniac- Raven  
> Wrench Monkey- Raven   
> Batman- Bryan

**_Clarke_ **

“Got enough Chinese, Clarke?” Octavia asked, eying the amount of food I had ordered.

“New Year’s Eve tradition, O,” I reminded her. We have to feed me, you, Lexa, my dad, your mom, Bellamy, Monty, Harper, Miller, Bryan, Raven, Anya, Gustus, Roan, and Indra. And you _know_ how much food the guys can eat.”

“True,” she agreed. “Bellamy, Miller, Gustus, and Roan could eat a whole cow _each_.”

We both laughed.

“What’s so funny?” Lexa asked, coming out of our room. It felt _so good_ to see her coming out on her own and communicating, even if it was just a simple question.

“Bellamy, Miller, Gustus, and Roan’s appetite,” Octavia answered.

Lexa smiled, barely, but she did. “I’m taking that conversation started with how much food Clarke ordered for tonight?”

Octavia laughed and I nodded. “You’re eating,” I told her in a serious voice.

“I am.” She automatically brought her hand up, clutching her bandaged arm gently, her face guilt ridden.

“Lexa,” I said softly, walking to her and cupping her cheek gently. “Don’t.” I ever so gently kissed her lips. “You’re okay and you’re getting better, that’s all I care about.”

“I ruin _everything_ ,” her voice and cracked and I swear my heart broke a little. I wrapped my ears around her, fighting tears. “ _No,_ no you don’t, Lexa. You don’t ruin _anything_. You make things **_whole_**. Look at _me,_ look at dad, look at Octavia, look at Bryan, look at Anya. All of us are who we are because of _you_. You are my fiancé, my second half, my _everything_ and you make me happier than I’ve ever been. You’re like a daughter to my father— _our_ father, you’re Octavia’s best friend and you’re one of the few people who keep that girl sane, and Bryan—well he doesn’t have many friends and you always make him feel included, and you’re the most important thing in the _world_ to Anya and Gustus!”

I felt her nod into my shoulder. “Okay,” she whispered.

Octavia made her way over us, throwing her arms around both Lexa and myself. Lexa laughed. Like, _really laughed_. I kissed her cheek lovingly, which made Octavia grumble.

“You two are so _sickly gross_ ,” she groaned. I froze, but Lexa just chuckled.

“And you and Lincoln _aren’t?_ ”

I let her go, trying to stifle my laughter.

“Point taken. But we never had sex on your _counter!_ ”

“Umm, no, but you had sex on our _couch_.”

“You and Clarke were having sex in your room!”

“Yeah, and we walked out to find that. _Scarred for life_.”

“Oh yeah? Lincoln and I are scarred for life from you and Clarke’s sex on _our counter!_ ”

I walked away from the bickering girls and started making popcorn, knowing this would go on for a while. Just as I took the popcorn out of the microwave, my father walked in. I put a finger to my lips when he stared at the two girls in shock in confusion. Of course, Lexa hadn’t really been out of the room, let alone talking, yet here she was standing in the middle of the living room arguing—playfully—with Octavia.

“This is better than TV,” I laughed, shoving a handful of popcorn in my mouth. Dad reached for some, eyes not leaving Lexa and Octavia.

“Okay, how about the time you did it in _our bed?_ ”

“Wait—when did that happen?” I called, forgetting that I was staying out of it.

“Remember your favorite sheets that magically disappeared?” she asked. “Well, I burned them.”

 _“What the fuck, O?”_ my father didn’t even try to hold in his laughter.

“Wait, you fucking _burned_ them?” Octavia was doubled over laughing.

“Fuck yes! You and Lincoln _had sex in our bed, on those sheets!_ Washing them wasn’t enough!”

“Why didn’t I know about this?” I asked.

“Clarke, I tell you that I caught Lincoln and Octavia having sex on our bed, on your favorite sheets, what do you do?”

“Hunt them down and kill them,” I growled.

“That’s why you didn’t know about it.”

I glared at the both of them. I almost growled _I hate you both_ but I didn’t want to take a chance of Lexa backtracking. So I just silently glared.

My father on the other hand, laughed and walked over to them, wrapping his arms around Lexa. She returned the hug, a peaceful smile on her lips.

**_Lexa_ **

I’m trying. I really am. And with moment like this, with Jake or Clarke’s arms around me, makes me think that I really can get better. They give me something to fight for.

“I’m hungry,” Octavia’s voice pulled me from my thoughts. I gently pulled out of Jake’s hold.

“You’re **_always_** hungry.”

Jake and Clarke both chuckled.

 _“Lexa!”_ she whined.

I shook my head. “Go make something to eat.”

_“Lexa!”_

“I just gave you permission to raid my kitchen and eat what you find. You really going to turn that offer down?”

She paused, thinking for a moment. “Nope!” she literally ran to the kitchen.

“I have a feeling we need to go grocery shopping earlier than planned,” Clarke commented, watching our friend have a blast in the kitchen.

“Yep,” I sighed, leaning against Jake’s strong body. And held me. And I was content with that.

……………………………………………………………………………

Six o’clock came around sooner than I thought was possible.

_**Fucking Werewolf:** Yo, is the party still on??_

_**Wrench Monkey:** Yeah!! Is the Chinese fest still on?!?_

_**Bob the Builder:** Considering neither Lincoln or I know where O is…_

_**Blonde Beauty:** She’s raiding our kitchen_

_**Blonde Beauty:** And YES the party is still on._

_**Blonde Beauty:** I THINK_

_**Fucking Werewolf:** You THINK?!_

“Party still on?” I asked.

“Of fucking course!” Octavia yelled.

“Lexa?” Clarke looked at me. “Are you up to it?”

No, I wasn’t. I couldn’t see everyone. They all knew what happened and I haven’t seen them since. I couldn’t. So I swallowed the embarrassing tears and nodded. “Yeah,” but my cracked voice gave me away so I pulled away from Jake and fled to my room.

“Lexa!”

**_Clarke_ **

I really screwed up. I should’ve said that the party tradition would have to be put on pause until next year. Of course Lexa wouldn’t be ready to be thrown in with all our friends.

“I’ll go,” I told my father and Octavia, following Lexa to our room.

I found her lying on the bed, staring at the wall.

“Lex,” I climbed on the bed, lying behind her, holding her to me. I just held her, trying to find the words. “I’m sorry.”

She rolled over so she was facing me. “What are you sorry for?”

“For being insensitive. For pushing you.”

She squeezed her eyes shut, tears rolling down her cheeks. She was shaking her head. “Don’t apologize, please,” she pleaded. “I hurt you again. Like always.”

“No,” I moved closer to her, pulling her so she was laying her head on my chest and she wrapped her arms firmly around my waist. “Don’t backtrack, please. I need you.”

“You don’t.”

“I do. I don’t want anyone else—I want _you._ ”

And she laughed. “Déjà vu, _Klark_.”

I frowned, confused.

“If I remember correctly, that’s what you said when I was on my death bed. _‘I don’t want the next Commander—I want you.’”_

“Yeah. And that’s what it’ll forever be.”

She sat up and I followed. “Forever?”

I nodded. “Who are you?”

“Lexa.”

“Who are you?” I repeated.

She looked confused, then realization dawned on her face and she smiled lightly. _“Ai laik Heda Leksa kom Trikru.”_

I smiled, hugging her. “That you are.”

She locked eyed with me. Then, _“Osir gomplei nou ste oden nowe.”_

I laughed, tears filling my eyes. But they weren’t pained tears; they were happy tears. _Our fight is not over_.

“To answer your question, _Klark kom Skaikru_ , I am ready for the party. I’m ready for _anything_.”

I picked up her phone, handing it to her.

“Do you want to do the honor?”

She smiled, taking her phone.

_**Princess Warrior:** The party is SO on_

_**Wrench Monkey:** FUCK YES_

_**Fucking Werewolf:** I got the drinks!!!_

_**Sword Maniac:** The good stuff?_

_**Fucking Werewolf:** Don’t you know me, O?_

_**Princess Warrior:** you’re going to get us all drunk _

_**Fucking Werewolf:** UH, DUH. Don’t you know me, Lexa??_

_**Princess Warrior:** Greeeaaat _

I heard my father laughing, a relieved laugh, from the other room, obviously having read Lexa’s messages.

“Care to go out with dad and O?”

She sucked in a breath and nodded.

“We’re so getting wasted!” Octavia cheered when we entered the living room.

“God, no,” Lexa groaned.

“Remembering last time, _Sexy Lexi?_ ”

“No.” She looked at Octavia in horror. My father’s mouth literally fell open when Octavia called Lexa _Sexy Lexi_.

_**Sword Maniac:** Let’s bring out the memories!!_

_**Sword Maniac:** New Years. 3 years ago. Lexa. GO!_

_**Princess Warrior:** NO!!!!!_

_**Bob the Builder:** Lexa’s first time getting drunk from Monty’s shit_

_**Monty:** Hey! It ain’t shit!_

_**Bob the Builder:** You know what I mean, dude_

_**Fucking Werewolf:** I remember the stripping _

_**Princess Warrior:** NO NO NO NO_

_**Blonde Beauty:** Wait, what?_

“Do I want to know?” dad asked, horrified. Lexa buried her face in her hands.

“It was fucking awesome!”

_**Fucking Werewolf:** You don’t remember that, Clarkey? _

_**Blonde Beauty:** Never call me that again, Miller…_

_**Princess Warrior:** DON’T NATE. I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DO…UGH _

_**Batman:** I don’t remember this?_

_**Fucking Werewolf:** WHO REMEMBERS THE STRIPPING?!?!_

_**Sword Maniac:** I remember you telling a very drunk Clarke to go to bed and an even drunker Lexa to strip off ALL her clothes _

_**Blonde Beauty:** UMMM_

“YOU BOTH REMEMBER THIS?!” I screamed.

“How could I forget?” Lexa groaned.

“It was fucking awesome!” Octavia laughed.

_**Fucking Werewolf:** And I remember a mostly SOBER Octavia stripped naked as well!_

_**Sword Maniac:** FUCK YES I DID!! It saved Lincoln a lot of trouble after the party _

_**Bob the Builder:** FUCK I DID NOT NEED THAT IMAGE. BLAKE OUT. SEE YOU TONIGHT!_

_**Fucking Werewolf:** OUT TOO_

_**Batman:** ME TOO_

_**Wrench Monkey:** ME TOO_

_**Blonde Beauty:** ME TOO_

_**Princess Warrior:** I’ll hit her for all of you _

_**Bob the Builder:** THANK YOU LEXA_

_**Fucking Werewolf:** THANK YOU LEXA_

_**Batman:** THANK YOU LEXA_

_**Wrench Monkey:** THANK YOU LEXA_

_**Blonde Beauty:** I’ll take a video_

_**Bob the Builder:** THANK YOU CLARKE_

_**Fucking Werewolf:** THANK YOU CLARKE_

_**Batman:** THANK YOU CLARKE_

_**Wrench Monkey:** THANK YOU CLARKE_

“Shit,” Octavia bolted to the door, Lexa followed and I pulled out my phone and followed laughing, grabbing my own and Lexa’s coat on the way. “You won’t follow me into the snow!”

“Yes I will!” Lexa shouted.

And then we were out in the snow. Twenty-nine degrees and two feet of snow with more coming from the sky heavily. And Lexa had Octavia pinned in the snow, thank god I had the video going the whole way or I would’ve missed Lexa go into Heda mode and jump on the former warrior pinning her in a snow bank. Octavia squealed, swiping at snow and getting it all over Lexa.

“Fuck!” I tossed Lexa her coat and gloves and she gave me a grateful smile before she rolled a snowball and hit Octavia straight in the face. Octavia screamed and, with her bare hands, started a snowball war. Soon I was dragged in and we were laughing and screaming, throwing snowballs at each other. From the corner of my eye I saw my father laughing and videoing us. Octavia jumped on Lexa, knocking her down. Lexa retaliated by shoving snow right down Octavia’s back. She let out a blood-curdling scream, vowing revenge. But she was laughing too hard to sound serious.

“Remember, Lex? _‘If you even throw a snow ball at me, Octavia Blake, it will be the last thing you ever throw!’”_

“Lexa threw the first snowball,” Octavia defended. “That threat is void!”

“She’s right,” Lexa groaned before pounced on her.

And it went on and on, full of red faces and laughter.

“Holy crap, what the hell is going on?” Raven’s laughing voice was what finally stopped the three of us from pelting each other with snow.

“Don’t ask,” Octavia chucked.

“Long story,” Lexa agreed.

“Look what we have here!” Miller’s voice boomed, as he appeared with Bellamy and Bryan.

“My sister, who looks like she took a major beating and was ganged up on by Clarke and Lexa.”

“Octavia!” Lincoln reached for his fiancé, pulling his coat off and wrapping it around her. She stuck her tongue out at us. Lexa and I looked at each other, then doubled over laughing. Monty and Harper arrived, eying us, and we all shrugged, heading inside. This was going to be one hell of a New Year’s party.

**_Octavia_ **

“Body shots. We gotta do body shots!”

“O, this is a _New Year’s_ party, not a college party,” Bellamy said, giving me a pointed look. Clarke’s dad is here, _our mother_ is going to be here.”

“So?” I didn’t really care who saw it. We were grown ass men and women for heaven’s sake!

“What about me?” the familiar voice of my mother reached me. I swung around, smiling, and hugged her.

“O wants to do body shots.” Bellamy smirked, ratting me out. Not that I care.

“Oh, God,” mom sighed.

“Don’t expect us to participate,” Jake called.

“Girls only,” Miller responded. “We guys aren’t doing that shit.”

I smirked. “Then you can’t play with us girls,” I teased.

“But—”

“No buts,” I swung around and skipped over to Clarke and Lexa. My mother actually chuckled. “Who’s first?”

“Let the guys go first,” Lexa spoke up. “They want to do it the least, so make them go first.”

“Love you mind, Lex!” I turned to the boys. “Miller, you’re up. Shirt _off._ ”

We all laughed, even Jake and mom who stood to the side, munching on sandwiches Bryan brought. Miller pulled his shirt off, lying on the kitchen counter. Clarke finished cutting the lime and placed a slice in his mouth, sprinkled salt at his pant line, and poured the tequila in his navel.

“Raven? You feel up to it?”

“Fuck yes!”

Like a pro, Raven licked the salt and the tequila, biting the lime out of his mouth, making it look more sexual than it should. And it went down the list of guys. I happily took Lincoln and I was instantly turned on—there would be clothes shedding tonight for sure, Clarke got Bellamy and they were laughing too hard to actually do the shot properly, Harper got Monty and the poor guy was so embarrassed shirtless in front of all of us and Harper was so awkward, and Bryan and Lexa were paired. Poor Lexa definitely had no interest in guys and she looked so uncomfortable doing B’s body shot.

My mom and Jake went outside to talk right after me and Lincoln’s _very_ sexual body shot and they returned right in time for the shirtless girls. I mean, we weren’t _entirely_ shirtless—we still had bras on.

“I’ll go first!”

And in a swoop, I was pulling my shirt off, revealing my lacy black bra.

“I’m out,” Bellamy said, bailing. I heard mom laughing, like really laughing.

“Enjoy your feast, Lincoln,” Raven laughed. Miller laughed, placing the lime in my mouth, the tequila in my belly button, and the salt between my breasts. I swear Lexa, Monty, and Harper paled when they say that breasts were involved. Lincoln wasn’t shy at all. He eagerly went in, tongue grazing between my breasts hungrily, lapping the tequila up, then locking lips before he ate the lime out of my mouth. I held in a deep moan and could feel the wetness pooling in my underwear. _Damn it!_

“Miller and Bryan—who’s the lucky dude?” Raven asked, flirting all the way.

“Gay, Raven,” Miller reminded her.

She groaned, then remember the missing member.

“Bellamy, get your ass out here! I need someone to take a body shot off me!”

“Is my sister decent?”

I just grinned.

“I don’t think she’s going to be decent until _tomorrow,_ honestly,” Raven yelled.

“Damn it!”

But he came out anyways, avoiding looking at my shirtless self. Raven pulled her top off, and jumped up on the counter. Bellamy enjoyed himself. Harper and Monty? They were so cute and awkward and definitely not comfortable being intimate in public.

“Okay, Clarke. Your turn.”

**_Lexa_ **

Clarke was going to be the death of me, I swear it. She kept those blue eyes locked on mine as she slowly pulled her top off, revealing full breasts barely concealed by a royal blue bra. Eyes still on my, she hopped up on the counter, lying down and miller put the lime in my mouth, the salt between her breasts and tequila on her stomach.

“Lexa,” Octavia said with a devilish smile.

I was already _so_ would up, Octavia was making it her mission to destroy me.

 Clarke smirked, knowing how wound up her shirtless body was making me. _Two can play this game,_ I thought.

So when I licked the salt off of her breasts, I sucked a little more than necessary and a little gasp escaped the blonde’s lips. I smirked in triumph. I ran my tongue down her stomach, getting all the tequila, and nipped a little and I felt Clarke shudder. With lips locking for half a second, I sucked the lime out of her mouth.

Her eyes shot daggers at me, but the smug expression didn’t leave my lips. Not when I pulled my shirt off and let Milly shot me up, not when I felt Clarke’s tongue between my own breasts, not when I felt her teeth graze my stomach, not when she ate the lime out of my mouth.

 _Klark kom Skaikru_ had so much power over me, but I was Heda, I was strong enough not to show it to her until we were in bed tonight.

All the body shots were taken, and everyone all dressed, and were all ready to get drunk. Besides Clarke and I. we planned on having on hell of a night, and we weren’t going to take a chance of forgetting a second of it.

I almost felt like myself again.

…………………………………………………………………………..

Everyone was so _drunk_. Clarke and I, who were slightly buzzed at most, were having a hell of a time eating Chinese and laughing at everyone. Sometime after body shots, Roan, Gustus, and Anya arrived. With Jake, Aurora, Anya, and Gustus in the room, there was no stripping completely.

And I thought too soon.

“Who’s going to strip and dance first?” a drunk Miller asked.

 _“No!”_ Aurora and Jake shouted at the same time.

“Come on, mom!” Octavia whined.

 _“NO!”_ Bellamy yelled. Even a drunk Bellamy didn’t want to see his little sister naked. But Lincoln and Miller seemed very keen on the idea.

“Thought you were gayer than gay?” Raven pointed out.

Miller shrugged. “Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate a naked woman.” Then he turned to me. “Feel like carrying out the stripping tradition, Lexa?”

 _“No!”_ Jake, Gustus, and Anya all yelled.

“She’s saving her sexy stripping for Clarke in the bedroom once the New Year’s ball drops,” Octavia commented. Three sets of hands covered ears.

………………………………………………………………………………..

“Ten minutes until a new year,” Clarke said softly from behind me. I jumped slightly. I had escaped the party to stand on the balcony that overlooked the city outside our bedroom a few minutes ago. She tentatively held out a blanket to me. I took it gratefully, not realizing how cold I was. I reached for her, pulling beside me, wrapping the blanket around both of us. I snuggled against Clarke, laying my head on my shoulder. She held me, kissing my temple with as much love and adoration she had.

“I love you.”

I smiled. “I love you, too, _Klark._ More than anything.”

And I meant it with every fiber of my being.

When it hit five minutes, we headed inside. Our friends—our family—were sitting in front of the TV. Clarke squeezed into a spot on the couch, pulling me onto her lap. The chatter quieted as the minutes turned into seconds.

“Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one!”

The ball dropped on screen and cheers erupted in the apartment.

“Happy New Year’s!”

…………………………………………………………………………..

We found the puppy on the bed.

Everyone was leaving, drunk and upset about not being able to see my puppy. Our puppy, technically, but he was more mine than ours.

“Commander, off the bed,” Clarke ordered. The German Shepard whined but obeyed, especially since he heard silence besides Jake putting all the leftover food away. With an excited bark, Commander ran from the room to find Jake.

“He doesn’t like noise,” Clarke commented.

“Who does?” I asked, shrugging.

“You, when I’m screaming your name,” she smirked.

“You’re trouble,” I whispered. She didn’t deny. My lips found her eagerly and we kissed until we needed oxygen. I backed her to the bed and she fell backwards onto it. Right when our lips reconnected, the New Year’s fireworks went off, the world booming in bright colors but the only sight I cared about was the girl in front of me.


	22. Promises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know what the hell this is....

There’s a lot of things I never thought I’d ever do. And walking an energetic German Shepard puppy down a snowy NYC sidewalk was one of them.

I wasn’t too thrilled when my father decided to get Lexa a puppy for Christmas—technically the puppy was for the two of us, but I didn’t want the responsibility of a puppy. Yet, here I am, out in the cold, walking him. Commander. Lexa named his _Commander_. I argued that she was Commander, but in Lexa fashion she looked at me and said _“Ai laik Heda.”_ I love her, but I was seconds away from strangling her!

I phone began vibrating and I smiled at the name on the screen.

“Hey,” I answered with a smile, which faltered when Commander pulled me forward.

_“Hi.”_

“How’d it go?”

She just sighed. _“Okay?”_

“Lexa,” I began sternly. “Did you talk to him?”

_“You told me I had to go to **see** the therapist, you didn’t say I had to **talk** to him.”_

“Lexa!”

_“I’m…I’m not ready, Clarke. Not yet.”_

“Lexa, you need to talk to someone if you’re not going to talk to Dad or me.”

 _“Sorry,”_ she muttered.

“Don’t apologize. Just…get better.”

…………………………………………………………………………….

“Damn it!” I picked up another pair of shoes, chewed by the pup. “Dad!”

He walked into the room, trying not to grin at me. “He ate _another_ pair of my shoes, Dad.”

“He’s a puppy, Clarke.”

“He’s a little shit who chews _everything_ he can get his little mouth on!”

Lexa, who walked through the door, with a scowl on her face, growled “If you want to get rid of him, then just get rid of him.”

“Lexa!” I called, but she ignored me, slamming the door.

“What just happened?” Dad asked me.

I sighed. “I finally convinced her to go see a therapist, it put her in a really sour mood.” I tossed the shoe to the side, the problem of the chewer forgotten. “I’ll go talk to her.”

I walked to the door, opening it slowly. “Lex?”

“Go away.”

I ignored her, sitting on the bed beside her. “You don’t want to talk, then _fine_. But you’re going to _listen_.” She finally rolled on her back so she could see me. “I get that you’re hurting, Lexa, I get it. But you’re not the only one hurting from this. You’re not _alone_ , and it’s _killing me_ to watch you every day like this. I _love_ you, Lexa. I’m going to marry you, I’m going to be with you every step of the way, every single day for the rest of my life. So _please_ , stop pushing me away. **_I need you_**.”

Her chin quivered and she sat up and I wrapped my arms around her, letting her cry on my shoulder. I buried my face in her hair, letting the tears I’ve been holding back for weeks finally come out.

“I’ll talk to him. I’ll talk to _you,_ ” she choked out. **“I promise.”**


	23. Be My Valentine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentines' Day Party

**_Clarke_ **

January and most of February went by in the blink of an eye. Lexa saw her therapist weekly and she talked to me every night. It took a while, and she’s still a work I progress, but she’s gotten so much better at not hiding her emotions, of letting me know what she’s feeling and how I can help. She’s happy again. She left her job as a therapist. Whether she’ll go back to being a therapist again, she doesn’t know. But she’s fixing herself, she can’t handle trying to fix other people’s problems. It was a hard decision for her, but I was proud of her for deciding it, for choosing the best thing for herself. Octavia was officially the owner of the café, and it was changed from The Rosio Café to The Blake Café. The first thing Octavia did when she finalized the sale was make Lexa the manager. A manager with the most flexible hours there possibly could be. Harper got the raise she needed, and when Murphy and Emori moved back to New York, Emori happily took a job at the café, especially since Echo disappeared. A few other people I don’t really know work at the café too, and Octavia’s business was booming. I had a few months left, and then I’d officially be finished with school. I’d be going in as a part-time doctor so I could still be the art teacher for the kids I worked with. Everything was falling into place.

………………………………………………………………………………..

“The world is so disgusting!”

“Murphy, _shut the fuck up!”_ Octavia snapped, arms wrapped around Lincoln’s big arm.

“It’s true,” he grumbled, wrinkling his nose as we walked through the mall.

I chuckled, shaking my head, my fingers laced with Lexa’s. She rolled her eyes at Murphy’s complaints. The world was _far_ from disgusting currently. It was the week of Valentine’s Day, and I hardly found the red and pink hearts everywhere in the mall disgusting.

“It’s the season of love,” I reminded him. I can’t really say I miss him.

“No.”

Lexa shook her head, and I could see her thinking about every possible way she could end Murphy without any consequences. You can take the girl from the Heda, but you can never take the Heda out of the girl. I nudged her shoulder and she huffed.

“We should have a little party or something for Valentine’s,” Harper spoke up. Octavia squealed happily at the suggestion.

“I don’t know…”I trailed off. I kind of wanted Lexa to myself on that day.

“Come on, it’ll be fun!” Octavia encouraged.

Lexa had a thoughtful look on her face. “Okay. But it ends at eleven at the latest,” she responded. I grinned and I’m pretty sure everyone saw the look Lexa and I exchanged.

“Fine,” Octavia agreed, “We’ll be out by eleven so you and Sexy Lexi can have sexy time.”

_“Octavia!”_

………………………………………………………………………………

It was the night before Valentines. Lexa was snuggled up against me, awake but silent. Her head rested against my shoulder, and I was absentmindedly running my hand through her dark curls, occasionally stroking her cheek.

“July 30th,” she said suddenly.

“Hmm?”

“The wedding. July 30th. It’s mid-summer, we could have an outdoor wedding and reception, and that’s five months and Octavia can surely put the wedding together in five months.”

I kissed her. She had really put thought into it. “Then July 30th it is. Though July is so far away…”

“I’m not going anywhere, ai hodnes. I promise.”

“I love you, Lexa.”

“And I love you, _Klark kom Skaikru_.”

……………………………………………………………………………

**_Lexa_ **

I was the first awake. I smiled at Clarke’s face, peaceful as she slept. From the quiet sounds in the apartment, I assumed Jake was still asleep, too. I slipped out of bed and headed to the kitchen, being as quiet as possible and I retrieved the pans. I pulled the pancake mix from the cabinet, and the eggs, strawberries, and bacon from the fridge. I chopped the strawberries into mini pieces and mixed them into the pancake mix and scrambled the eggs before I put them on the stove to cook. While waiting for the pancakes to be flipped, I made coffee—yuck—for Jake and Clarke and pulled out the carton of orange juice for myself.

When I was mostly finished with cooking breakfast and the coffee was ready, Jake emerged from the room, sniffing the air lightly. I made him a plate and set it on the counter beside him and poured him a cup of coffee. He eyed me but didn’t comment. Turning off the stove, I headed to my room to wake the sleeping blonde.

“Clarke,” I stoked her cheek and she began to stir. I gently shook her shoulder and she woke up, stretching.

“Hello, beautiful,” she whispered with a smile.

I chuckled. “You’re so cheesy when you wake up.”

“So I’ve been told.”

“I made breakfast.”

Now she was really up. Clarke is very breakfast-motivated. _Breakfast is the most important meal of the day._ So she needed no prodding to get up and join me in the kitchen.

“It’s good,” Jake commented, a smile spreading on my face.

“Everything Lexa cooks is good.”

Clarke and I sat at the table, eating in silence. I felt Jake’s eyes on me here and there, making sure I was doing okay more than likely.

**_Sword Maniac:_ ** _Party tonight. Where??_

**_Monty:_ ** _Your place?_

**_Eleven:_ ** _I’ve never been to O & Link’s place…_

**_Wrench Monkey:_ ** _None of us have_

**_Sword Maniac:_ ** _Clarke & Lexa’s?_

**_Princess Warrior:_ ** _All the parties are ALWAYS at ours. Why???_

**_Sword Maniac:_ ** _just because_

**_Sword maniac:_ ** _OH_

**_*Sword Maniac_ ** _added **Murphucked** to the group chat *****_

**_*Sword Maniac_ ** _added **Emori** to the group chat *****_

**_*Sword Maniac_ ** _added **Lexa’s Crazy Mentor** to the group chat *****_

**_*Sword Maniac_ ** _added **Big Ol’ Gustus** to the group chat *****_

**_Murphucked:_ ** _The fuck did you just add me to??_

**_Lexa’s Crazy Mentor:_ ** _WTF?!_

**_Big Ol’ Gustus:_ ** _HEDA you a dead girl walking!!_

**_Big Ol’ Gustus:_ ** _What…who the fuck are all these people??_

**_Murphucked:_ ** _Let me take a wild guess…_

**_Murphucked:_ ** _Blonde Beauty is Clarke…Sword Maniac is Octavia…Big Teddy Bear is Lincoln…Monty is Monty…Wrench Monkey is Raven…Bob the Builder is fucking Bellamy…Ice King is the ice nation dude…Jake Griffin is Jake Griffin_

**_Murphucked:_ ** _SO who is Princess Warrior, Eleven, Fucking Werewolf, and Batman??_

**_Eleven:_ ** _I’m Harper, Princess Warrior is Lexa, Fucking Werewolf is Miller, and Batman is B_

**_Princess Warrior:_ ** _O, why all the adding????_

**_Sword Manic:_ ** _Cause I can!!_

**_*Princess Warrior_ ** _added **Indra** to the group chat *****_

**_*Princess Warrior_ ** _added **Aurora Blake** to the group chat *****_

**_Sword Maniac:_ ** _LEXA NO_

**_Indra:_ ** _What…?_

**_Princess Warrior:_ ** _CONTROL YOUR LITTLE MONSTER_

**_Bob the Builder:_ ** _DID YOU JUST ADD MY MOTHER TO THE GROUP?!?!?!_

**_Blonde Beauty:_ ** _DID YOUR SISTER NOT ADD MY FATHER TO THE GROUP?!?!?!_

**_Bob the Builder:_ ** _Fair enough_

**_Aurora Blake:_ ** _Bellamy…Bob the builder???_

**_Bob the Builder:_ ** _WHO THE FUCK CHANGED MY NAME TO THAT?! I’VE BEEN ASKING THAT FOR LIKE A YEAR_

**_Aurora Blake:_ ** _A year?_

**_Sword Maniac:_ ** _a little over 6 months actually, but yeah. No one knows who changed it besides the person who changed it_

**_Bob the Builder:_ ** _I need to fucking know!!_

“I wonder who changed it,” Clarke wondered aloud.

I hid my grin. I know who changed it. **_I_** changed it. But no one knows, and no one will.

**_Wrench Monkey:_ ** _I don’t think we’ll ever know honestly_

**_Sword Maniac:_ ** _What the fuck is with everyone always getting off topic?! We’re supposed to figure out where we’re having the Valentine Party TONIGHT!!_

**_Indra:_ ** _You don’t know where a party you’re having tonight is?_

**_Sword Maniac:_ ** _We wait until last minute. Always._

**_Indra:_ ** _Clearly…_

**_Sword Maniac:_ ** _CLARKE AND LEXA_

**_Princess Warrior:_ ** _Yeah, fine. BUT NO ALCOHOL OCTAVIA I MEAN IT_

**_Sword Maniac:_ ** _FUCK YOU LEXA_

**_Blonde Beauty:_ ** _FUCK YOU O_

**_Wrench Monkey:_ ** _LMFAO!! THIS IS FUCKING GREAT_

**_Sword Maniac:_ ** _7?_

**_Blonde Beauty:_ ** _Yup_

**_Sword Maniac:_ ** _Okay, guys! Let us know who’s going so we know how much fucking food to bring! Lincoln, Jake, Clarke, Lexa, and I are all going obviously_

**_Eleven:_ ** _Monty and I will be there_

**_Bob the Builder:_ ** _Do I have a choice?_

**_Sword Maniac:_ ** _No_

**_Bob the Builder:_ ** _Then I guess I’ll be there_

**_Wrench Monkey:_ ** _For sure!_

**_Batman:_ ** _Nate and I will be there_

**_Ice King:_ ** _I’ll be there_

**_Sword Maniac:_ ** _MOOOM, INDRA COME_

**_Aurora Blake:_ ** _…okay?_

**_Indra:_ ** _Sure…_

**_Sword Maniac:_ ** _Murphucked, Emori, Anya, Gustus??_

**_Murphucked:_ ** _I guess_

**_Big ‘Ol Gustus:_ ** _we’ll be there I guess_

          …………………………………………………………………………

          “She’s going to bring alcohol. You know it,” Clarke pointed out as we unloaded the groceries. We had just over two hours until they all arrived, though they all had a habit of being fashionably late.

          “Don’t remind me,” I groaned as we stepped onto the elevator that led us to our apartment. Jake set down his newspaper, giving us a smile as we entered the apartment.

          “Prepare for an onslaught of crazy twenty-something year olds,” Clarke warned him, her eyes sparkling.

He chuckled.

“You mean, prepare for Octavia and Murphy,” I joked.

“Who’s Murphy?”

Clarke laughed. “Prepare yourself,” was all she said. She led me to our room. “Damn it. I was so looking forward to having you all to myself tonight.”

I grinned. “There’s still plenty of time until they all arrive you know.”

“Two hours.”

“Two hours is plenty of time.”

She shook her head. “Just gotta put a sock on the door. O’s orders.”

I chuckled and she was quick about socking the door, telling Jake that she was going to be taking a nap and not to disturb us (which I tried not to laugh at—and failed miserably). “All set.”

_“Perfect.”_

**_Clarke_ **

Her lips met mine and we didn’t stop until we needed oxygen, and taking a breath, our lips collided once again. I pushed her back onto the bed, climbing on top of her. And then all our clothes were on the floor, just how I wanted it. My eyes roamed down her body, unbashful. _God, she was beautiful._ My lips moved from her kissable lips, trailing down her jaw, sucking and nipping at her neck, nipping gently at her pulse. She shivered beneath me. My mouth found her breasts, and her back arched slightly, and she moaned quietly, obviously holding back since my father was in the other room. After giving each breast equal attention, I trailed kisses down her toned stomach. She gasped when I reached her center.

Very slowly, _tortuously_ slowly as Lexa pointed out later, I ran my tongue through her folds and I could see her struggle to stay quiet. She tangled her hand on my hair, keeping me in place, her other hand grasped the sheets. Her breathing erratic, back arching. I slid two fingers inside her, pumping in and out and she moaned, losing her battle to keep quiet. I wanted to shush her, but I loved the sound of her moaning for me.

Shivering, she gasped in a surprisingly quiet voice _“Claaarke!”_

She rode through her orgasm, and I climbed up to lay beside her as her breathing returned to normal.

“That was… _amazing._ ” She sat up after a moment, moving so she was straddling me. “My turn.” From the devilish grin on her face, I knew she would show no mercy.

………………………………………………………………………………

Right when Lexa finished with me, the front door banged open. “Perfect timing.” 

We got dressed, eyes glancing at each other, disappointment seeping through when we were both fully clothed. I rolled my eyes when someone—probably Octavia—began persistently knocking on the door.

“Save the fucking for after the party, lovebirds!” Octavia shouted.

“Shit. She knows what the sock means,” Lexa laughed.

“Of course, it was her great idea.”

“I heard that, Griffin,” she shouted back.

We exited our room, and saw that almost everyone was already here. Gustus and Anya walked through the door and Lexa’s perked up. And then—“why’d you yell at them to get up? Clarke was sleeping.”

Octavia burst out laughing. “Sleeping my ass. They put a sock on the door—which is what I told them to do when they have sex so I don’t walk into anything. So yeah, they were having sex in there.”

Lexa’s face turned bright red, confirming what O said, and she ducked behind me and headed to the other side of the room where Jake, Gustus, and Anya weren’t.

          I looked up and saw that all three of them were staring at me. “What?”

“How was your nap?” was all that Anya said.

I swung around. “Alexandria, get your ass back over here! I’m not dealing with this on my own!”

All three of them burst out laughing, especially after Lexa shouted back _“fuck no!”_ I shook my head, stomping away to find someone nicer. Like Monty and Harper, who were more than happy to include me in their conversation of dog breeds. Odd, I know. But it’s Monty and Harper.

**_Lexa_ **

I know, hiding from Clarke was low. But I wasn’t dealing with Jake, Gustus, and Anya. But Anya, like usual sought me out anyways.

When I saw Anya walking towards me, I sent Octavia a quick message. I’m going to fucking kill you.

“Nice nap?” I turned away from her. “Come on, Lexa. Don’t get pissed at me, kid.”

I felt arms wrap around me, and I couldn’t help but smile, leaning into her. Little did I know what she really wanted to talk to me about.

“How are you doing, Lexa. Really.”

“Fine.”

“Really? I talked to Jake he told me about…he told me that you tried to kill yourself a few months ago.”

“I didn’t. It was an accident,” I growled, pulling away from her. “I don’t want to talk about it.” I stormed away from her and out of the apartment. I didn’t know what I was thinking when I stepped outside in a thin long sleeved shirt and slippers. It was below freezing and the snow was being whipped around by the wind.

“Lexa.” Clarke appeared behind me, slipping my coat around my shoulder, wrapping a tentative arm around me. “Honey, come back inside.” She saw my doubt. “Anya’s just worried about you.”

“I’m fine.”

“Talk to her,” she pleaded. I sighed, nodding.

She led me back to the party, nobody besides Jake, Gustus, and Anya noticed anything was wrong. Clarke nodded to them, letting them know I was fine. For now. I walked over to Anya, not really wanting to but prepared to talk to her.

……………………………………………………………………………

“Let’s play _spin the bottle!”_ Raven shouted.

There were plenty of groans, but plenty of cheers.

“Raise of hands—who wants to play?” she eyed the adults. “You five gotta vote too.”

Raven, Octavia, Emori, Miller, Bellamy, Bryan, Roan, Gustus, and Anya raised their hands.

Clarke, Lincoln, Murphy, Monty, Harper, Jake, Aurora and I kept our hands down.

“ _Yes!_ Majority rules! Sweet democracy!” Raven cheered, grabbing an empty beer bottle.

“This is a game for twelve year olds,” Murphy argued, sitting beside Emori.

Someone knocked on the door. “We aren’t even loud yet, so better not be a noise complaint,” Octavia growled. I gave Clarke an uneasy look. I knew who it was. Clarke invited her mother—I agreed, cautiously, as did Jake—but know it’d be awkward. She got up an answered the door with a nervous but happy smile. “Mom!”

“Hey, Abby!” Raven shouted in a very Raven manner. We all chuckled and Abby nodded to Raven. She eyed us, all sitting in a big circle, but eyed Jake and myself more than the rest of the group.

She gestured to the group on the floor. “What’s going on?”

“Spin the bottle,” I groaned. “Raven had everyone vote. Majority won. _By. One. Vote._ ”

“Yeah, we’re playing so suck it up _Heda._ ”

Clarke drug Abby over to the circle, Clarke sitting across from me with Abby beside her.

“Okay, we keep going until everyone has spun at least once, no matter how long that takes,” Raven told us. “Who goes first?”

“I’ll go,” Bellamy declared. “If it lands on my sister or my mother, I’m spinning again.”

He spun and when the bottle slowed to a stop, it was pointed to Miller. “Well then.” They chuckled. They had a bromance going on, so a quick kiss between them didn’t seem too awkward between them.

Miller spun, landing on Monty. Monty chuckled nervously but kissed Miller quickly without a problem. Monty spun and, what do you know, he landed on Harper. He pecked her on the lips, both of they not a fan of public affection. She spun and it landed on Roan. Another awkward kiss.

“Let’s do this!” He spun the bottle and it landed on… _me_. I could feel Clarke’s tension. Both of us were well aware of how Roan felt about me. He had a crush—more like infatuation—with me, though the feelings were definitely not reciprocated. So it wasn’t a surprise when, instead of giving me an awkward peck on the lips like everyone else had done, he locked lips with me, lingering and making it as steamy as he could. When he moved back to his place, Clarke was fuming at him.

“If this thing lands on Jake, Gustus, or Anya I’m spinning again,” I told the group, like Bellamy had. Nobody protested. And, of course, when I spun it, it landed on Anya who just laughed so I spun again, and it landed on _Abby_. Before anyone could say anything, I spun again, content when it landed on Octavia. We were close enough that it wasn’t awkward at all. Octavia spun and it landed on Lincoln.

“All clothes stay on,” Clarke commented and everyone besides the Blake’s laughed. Octavia flipped us off, lip-locking with her fiancé. They kept it quick but sweet. Lincoln spun, landing on Bellamy. Octavia fell over, laughing her head off. It was the most awkward kiss in the group so far. Bellamy spun and got Roan, another awkward kiss. Roan spun, getting a fiery Clarke. I was very relieved she didn’t bite him or something when he kissed her.

Clarke spun, and it landed on me. “All clothes stay on,” Octavia repeated and both Clarke and I flipped her off before locking lips. Clarke was in a very dominant mood, and definitely kissing longer than Lincoln and Octavia, but just a little longer. She was telling everyone **_this girl’s mine_**. And I didn’t mind one bit.

I spun, and it landed on Murphy. Our kiss, well, it was the second quickest kiss in all existence. Murphy spun, landing on Anya and it was my turn to be on the floor laughing. I think that kiss was actually quicker than mine with him! Anya got Gustus and the couple weren’t afraid to kiss, Gustus got Abby and they both looked uncomfortable as hell and had a very awkward kiss, Abby spun and got Jake. Now that was awkward. I felt bad for Jake, and from the look on Clarke’s face, so did she. Jake spun and got Aurora and they appeared to have no issue kissing. No issue, at all. I shared a look with Octavia. Was something going on between them? Aurora spun and got Lincoln, and Octavia was _rolling on the fucking floor laughing_ and soon half of us joined her. Once they quickly kissed, Lincoln spun and got Raven, who got Murphy and that was hilarious, Murphy got Emori and that couple wasn’t ashamed to lock lips. Emori got Bryan who got me and after we kissed, applaud followed.

Everyone had spun the bottle at least once.

“We did it!” Raven and Octavia cheered.

That was as eventful as it got. Much to Octavia’s dismay, there was no drinking involved. And around eleven, everyone left. Lincoln and Octavia were bound to be up for hours more. It’s Valentine’s Day, after all.

“Where did we leave off?” Clarke asked me, leading me to our room.

It’s Valentine’s Day, the day of love. And loving we would do all night long.


	24. Cantering Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fellow horse people will love this.  
> Other people, maybe not so much.

**_Lexa_ **

“It’s been _forever_ since we’ve all been to the barn together,” Octavia said as Clarke drove us to the barn which was about forty minutes from the city.

“Yeah, it’s been years since the four of us have,” Clarke grinned. Of course, Clarke, Octavia and I go to the barn together all the time but it isn’t the same without Roan. Although Clarke still hasn’t forgiven him from Valentine’s Day last month.

In this world, people care about breeds and colors, and even heights. Horses are measured by _“hands”_ which I still don’t get. My horse, _Arya_ , was given to me from Anya when I ascended as Heda. In the other world, she was just my white horse. But in this world, she’s a _grey Arabian_ , and there’s no such thing as a true “white” horse—just grey horses with white fur which makes no sense. Clarke’s horse _Charmer_ was a gift from me to her shortly after I met her. The big brown horse with site legs and face is apparently a chestnut Warmblood with socks and a blaze. Octavia’s horse _Helios_ was a gift from Lincoln, and the brown horse who has very similar markings to Charmer, is a chestnut Quarter Horse. And although I don’t know Roan’s horse backstory, I do know that they’d been together for a long time and that his name is _Gona_ , and a flea-bitten grey Arabian/Thoroughbred mix. But to us, they were just our horses.

They saved many horses from the Phantom World when they rescued those who never died—like Clarke, Octavia, and Roan—and they managed to rescue many horses. Dozens. Some were claimed by their rightful owners, and the rest were adopted out as companions or riding horses. We all got very lucky to get our horses back.

Clarke steered into the yard of the barn and we all got out, breathing in the sweet scent of horses, hay, and feed. Our horses were kept in the same paddock, so it was easy to grab them.

“Damn it, Arya!” Grey horses are not fun. At all. She had rolled, her once white fur brown and grass stained. Octavia laughed, hugging Helios, thankful he wasn’t dirty. Clarke left Charmer in his stall and came to help me brush Arya as well as we could. After a half hour, she looked decent enough.

“She clearly enjoyed the fact that the snow in her pasture melted and turned to mud,” Octavia laughed, sliding a gloved hand down Helios’ leg and lifting it up, scraping mud from the hoof. I did the same with Arya.

“Let’s tack up!”

The three of us girl all rode English while Roan rode western. I smoothed the hunter green saddle pad on Arya’s back, placing the fleece half pad on top, then lifting the English saddle on her back. I tightened her girth, thankful she didn’t bloat like Gona did. I attached her breastplate and then grabbed her bridle. I coaxed her opening her mouth for the bit, pulling the bridle over her ears and buckling all the straps. I turned to see how everyone was doing. Roan was done and waiting patiently, Clarke was fussing over Charmer’s dressage saddle and girth and Octavia was adjusting Helios’ figure 8 bridle. Within a few minutes, we were all ready.

“Let’s go on the trails,” Roan spoke up as we led the horses from the barn. “The snow all melted.”

“It’ll be muddy,” Clarke pointed out.

“If we stick to a rather flat path, it won’t be too bad,” I told her. “I’m tired of riding in the stuffy arena. I want to ride through the woods and gallop through a field like old times. Like the old world. That’s what I’m used to. That’s what Arya’s used to.”

“I’m with Lex,” Octavia chimed in. “I want to be free, to be able to go cantering home across a field instead on trotting along a wall on arena sand.”

“Same,” said Roan.

Clarke sighed. She was a dressage princess, and loved the spacey arena. But she wasn’t like Octavia, Roan, and I. We were _Grounders_. Trikru and Azgeda. Octavia may have been Skaikru like Clarke, but she was a true Grounder at heart.

I led Arya to a mounting block and got on her back. One by one the others mounted. Arya lived to be in the lead, so I led the way. I could feel her quivering under me, wanting to stretch her stiff legs. She didn’t take too kindly to the New York winter. None of them did, but the sassy Arabian made it loud and clear when she was unhappy. And with the ears back slightly, the head bobbing, and the swishing of her silky silver tail, it was clear she wasn’t a happy camper. But she listened anyways and stayed at a comfortable walk as we entered the woods. We were all quiet, enjoying the peacefulness of birds singing and the sound of hooves on the soft wooded ground.

After ten or so minutes, we reached a small clearing. The small clearing was still much larger than the indoor arena, and the horses picked up the pace, snorting happily. I gave Arya another inch or rein and clucked quietly. She picked up a floaty trot—she didn’t need to be asked twice! I head the rhythm of trotting hooves behind us. Arya’s ears were pricked forward, chuffing happily and she jogged around. Her dainty Arab legs picked up high, almost suspending her in the air with ever step. Her slender neck stretched downwards a bit as she stretched out her back. I scratched her withers with my knuckles and I rose with ever step. She pulled on the reins, asking for more. So I shouted “cantering!” and let her go. She picked up the canter, her speed increasing. The ground wasn’t too bad, so a quick canter wouldn’t be dangerous. Her little legs carried her quickly, and I could bet that her tail was flagging. When she was excited or running, she would lift her tailbone in the air, and her tail would flag behind her. Helios cantered up beside us, matching our pace. Octavia grinned at me and I laughed. Like really laughed. This was the freedom I deeply missed.

……………………………………………………………………………

Octavia

“Only four months, huh, Sky Girl?”

I shivered, but not because of the cool air. _Four months_ until the wedding. _Four months_ until I could officially call him my husband.

“To be honest, I’m really nervous. My mom’s planning most of it, so I don’t have to worry too much about it, but…we’re really doing it.”

“And you’re planning most of our wedding,” Clarke pointed out. “ _And_ you won’t tell us _anything._ ”

“Duh! Jake and I want it to be special. We’re planning everything. All you’re gonna have to do is the easy stuff. Choose the cake, the color scheme, the dresses—bridesmaids _and_ wedding gowns. And choose you’re bridesmaids.” I told them. And it was true—I was throwing myself into planning their wedding and I refused to tell them anything. I had dreamed of doing this for so long, and I was finally doing it! Though if you told me five years ago that I’d be going crazy planning a wedding, I wouldn’t have believed you. But I changed. I went from “don’t bring that dress near me!” to “the dresses and shoes have to match!” This world has broken me. Not that I mind…

“And bridesmen.”

I swung around to look at Lexa, nearly falling off Helios. He tossed his head in annoyance and I pet his neck as an apology. “Brides _men_?”

Clarke nodded from her spot beside Lexa. “We’ve decided we’d each have a maid of honor, a bridesmaid, and a bridesmen.”

“Oh?” that definitely peaked my interest.

“For me,” Clarke began, “I want to ask you to be my maid of honor.”

I nearly fell off Helios again. “Lexa wanted you to be hers, but Anya…”

“I’d love to.” I thought I might _actually_ cry.

“Raven, if she says yes, will be my bridesmaid and Bellamy my bridesman.”

Lexa nodded. “Anya’s my maid of honor, I’m asking Emori to be my bridemaid…and Roan, would you do I the honor and be my bridesman?”

“Of course, Heda. I’d be honored to.”

Octavia brightened up. “Lexa, will you be my maid of honor? And Clarke, be my bridesmaid?”

“Of course!” they said together, huge smiles on their faces.

_This is why I love them._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there’s a lot of horse terms, so here’s a quick note on what some of the stuff means:  
> Hands: horses are measured by hands. One hand is 4 inches.   
> Arabian: a breed, they are known for their dished face and flagged tail  
> Flea-bitten grey: white fur with grey “freckles” all over the body, said to look like flea bites, where the color got its name   
> Paddock: an area, usually a small fenced in field, where horses are put out during daytime to play and stretch their legs   
> English: a style of riding; English riding does dressage and jumping along with other sports  
> Western: a style of riding, known for the saddle’s saddle horn; does barrel racing and roping along other sports  
> Dressage: is said to be like “horse ballet” the horse performs and intricate dance with the rider’s cues so subtle and accurate that the audience can’t see them ask  
> Trot: a 2-beat gait, a jog (the gaits go walk, TROT, canter, gallop)  
> Canter: a 3-beat gait, running (the gaits go walk, trot, CANTER, gallop)  
> Video of trot & canter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pq0Q7lIXw8c


	25. Christmas Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback chapter, basically a deleted scene from the first part of the series, "Death is not the end"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a filler chapter, it's also kinda leading up to present day events of next xhapter

_Five years ago_

_It was two days until Christmas, we were all getting into the holiday spirit. Or, at least, trying to. Thankfully my mother and Kane got jobs and were living in their own apartment, away from Lexa, Dad, and I, but they would be here for the holiday. My mother was…well, my mother. And she and Lexa just didn’t get along. At all. After she almost smacked Lexa at dinner last month, which led to Lexa threatening to cook her (she has a terrible sense of humor…though I think she was dead serious about killing her), dad and I went through great lengths to keep them apart as much as possible._

_……………………………………………………………………………………_

_Christmas Eve, and mom and Kane arrived. Dad bribed Lexa with hot cocoa and sugar cookies, and Lexa promised to try to keep the peace. That’s all we could ask._

**_Princess: I need all the courage I can muster! Mom’s coming!_ **

**_Commander: Please! Hot cocoa and cookies can only get me so far!_ **

**_O: Drink. That’s what I’m doing. I got whisky. Strong as fuck, but it gets me through the holiday. Mom has a shit load of co-workers that view Bell and I like a display._ **

**_Bell: Share the whiskey, little sis_ **

**_O: Meet in my room, big brother_ **

**_Commander: I found vodka_ **

**_Princess: Good enough!_ **

**_O: See ya, if you survive the next few days_ **

**_Commander: Back at ya_ **

**_Bell: If I never see you again…I love all of you_ **

**_Commander: Take pics and vids so we can compare our psychotic holidays after it all dies down_ **

**_O: will do!!_ **

**_Commander: Shit! The witch just walked through the door! I repeat, the witch just walked through the door_ **

**_O: hide behind Jake or Kane, best advice I can give_ **

**_Princess: May the odds be ever in our favor!_ **

**_Commander: You did not just quote The Hunger Games…_ **

**_O: LMFAO! That was priceless, C!_ **

_“Clarke!”_

_I sighed, getting up, Lexa following suit after pouring literally half a bottle of vodka in her cup of coke._

_“Want some coke with your alcohol, Lex?” I whispered._

_“It only has 20 percent alcohol, Clarke.”_

_“Smartass.”_

_We reached mom and Kane and she gave me a big hug, and after what felt like forever, she passed me to Kane. When Kane released me, I saw her and Lexa having a stare-off. Why couldn’t she separate Lexa from the Commander?_

**_Lexa_ ** _didn’t kill Finn._

**_Lexa_ ** _didn’t let a bomb drop on TonDC._

**_Lexa_ ** _didn’t abandon us from Mount Weather._

**_Lexa_ ** _didn’t kidnap me to save me from Azgeda._

**_Lexa_ ** _didn’t put up a blockade._

_That was all the **Commander.**_

**_Lexa_ ** _gave us a truce when we were about to go to war._

**_Lexa_ ** _got us to the doors of Mount Weather._

**_Lexa_ ** _made us the Thirteenth Clan._

**_Lexa_ ** _bowed before me._

**_Lexa_ ** _gave me unwavering love._

_Even death couldn’t keep Lexa and I apart._

_Kane, sensing the tension, cleared his throat. He gave Lexa and short but loving hug. Unlike my mother, he never really had any issue with Lexa, even when she was the Commander. He always respected her and understood that even when she did some horrible things it was because she had to what was right for her people. And then she made **us** her people._

…………………………………………………………………………………

_“What are your plans for the future?” Kane asked us as we sat in the couch later. He was only trying to keep light conversation, but my mother had other ideas._

_“Yes, girls, what are your plans?”_

_“I want to pursue art,” I told them. I sighed when she glared at me. “And maybe be a part-time doctor.”_

**_“Part-time?”_ ** _her voice rose. “Clarke—”_

_“Leave her alone!” Lexa snapped. “It’s **her** life, not yours, so cut the crap, Abby.”_

_“I don’t like your attitude, young lady. Not one bit,” she seethed. “You think you’re all high and mighty kid, but guess what? You aren’t. You’re a child.”_

_“I’m more grown up than you in some way, so tread carefully and remember, you’re a guest in this house.”_

_“You do not get to talk to me like that. I am older than you, therefore you cannot talk to me like that!”_

_Lexa just rolled her eyes. I grabbed her elbow gently. “It isn’t worth it, ai hodnes,” I told her. I didn’t even try to lower my voice. My mom glared at me, angry beyond belief. But I just ignored her. She really didn’t want to try to make me choose between Lexa and her. If she did…she wouldn’t like the answer one bit._

………………………………………………………………………………

_“That girl’s nothing but attitude, Jake!” I heard my mother shout. “And she has a terrible temper! I mean, she’s a Grounder. She can’t be trusted! The stuff she’s done…”_

_“The only time she has attitude is when you’re around Abby. I think that speaks more about you than her!”_

_I turned my radio on, rubbing Lexa’s back. Thank God she’s asleep and couldn’t hear what my mother was saying about her…about her people. Grounders can’t be trusted…I thought she was above that! After **all** we went through on the ground, I thought she realized Grounders weren’t all bad. That **Lexa** wasn’t bad._

_“I love you,” I whispered. “And merry Christmas.”_

_…………………………………………………………………………………_

_Christmas Day started off worse than Christmas Eve ended._

_“Mom, just stop. Please.”_

_She was very…persistent. “Clarke, you really need to think about your future! You’re eighteen years old, not eight.”_

_“Mom!”_

_“I have a really good job as a surgeon at the hospital. You could, too! Finish this year of transition school, go in as an interned transitioned doctor! You can go to a regular community college and take the classes needed to be an intern at the hospital and become a doctor!”_

_“Mom, I am not you!” I yelled. “I don’t want to be like you! I want to be me!”_

_“You mean you want to take the easy way out so you can spend all your time with your hopeless Grounder girlfriend!”_

_Lexa stood up abruptly. Kane and my father backed away. The fury on Lexa’s face…if I didn’t love her to death and know one hundred percent that she would never harm me, I would’ve booked it, too._

_“What did I ever do to you to make you hate me so much, Abby?” she shouted, her voice shaking with anger. My mom stood up too and I swallowed hard._

_“You’re the **Commander.** You killed countless of my people.”_

_She was seething. “ **I** killed them?” she laughed bitterly. “ **I** didn’t kill them, **others** did. And only because of provocation.”_

_“ **You** left us to **die** at Mount Weather.”_

_“I had to save my people. I was offered a deal, and I took it. I was guaranteed that **every single one** of my people held captive there would be released if I walked away. So I walked away, with hundreds of my people.”_

_“You kept Clarke **hostage** in your capitol, away from me.”_

_“Skaikru needed an ambassador, Clarke was perfect for the title. And she wasn’t a captive. Did I want her to stay? Yes I did. But did I force her to stay after you became the thirteenth clan? No. I would **never** hold her hostage. Because I gave her a **home** , and I **loved** her. Which was more than she would’ve had at Arca_ dia, _since Arcadia is what she ran from in the first place! She left Arcadia and everyone in it, she didn’t leave Polis, because it became home to her!”_

_I jumped up, resting a hand on Lexa’s arm._

_“Clarke! After what she just said, you’re defending her?”_

_“You just attacked her, mom! I’m comforting her. Because I love her!”_

_“Well, you can’t have us both.”_

_I really didn’t want it to come to this. “Lexa would never ask me to choose. Which is why I will choose her, always and forever. I **love** her and I choose **her**.”_

_It happened so quickly, I couldn’t stop it. My mother, full of rage, swiftly and harshly slapped Lexa hard across her cheek, hard enough to throw her off balance and cause her to fall to the floor._

_“Abigail!”_

_I crouched beside her, pulling the shaking girl into my arms. Dad was beside us in a flash. “I’m fine,” she said in a shaky voice. I didn’t believe her._

_“We’re leaving.” Kane literally drug her out of the room._

_“I’ll call you later, Marcus!” dad called to his friend. He gave us an apologetic smile as he pulled his girlfriend out to the car._

_………………………………………………………………………………_

_It took days to coax Lexa out of her shell. She was really shaken up. Dad convinced her to go talk to a therapist. She hated the idea at first, but eventually she seemed to actually look forward to it to an extent. One day, while lying in bed, she told me that after college, she wanted to be a therapist, too._


	26. The Meadow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some fluff

One month later…

“Where are you taking me, Klark?”

I was leading Lexa through a trail in the woods. I tied a bandana around her head so she couldn’t see, which she protested about, but I told her it’d be worth it. I smiled, rubbing my thumb over her hand as I led her up a gentle slope. We arrived at my destination and I smiled, leading her through the grass.

“We out of the woods?” she asked, sensing the clear air.

“Yes, we are.” I released her hand, spreading a blanket on the grass. I know, picnics are so cliché, but I don’t really care. I placed the cooler on the blanket, and guided her down on the blanket. She automatically felt the ground beneath her, testing the blanket, sliding her hand until she had a fistful of grass. I laughed, untying the bandana. She squinted at the bright afternoon light, but her gaze turned to wonder once her eyes adjusted. She looked around in awe.

“It’s so beautiful. And quiet.”

I nodded. “I love it here. This is where I go when I need inspiration to paint. Which is when you’re not around, honestly.”

A blush colored her tan cheeks and she dipped her head. I took the opportunity to lean in and press my lips to her cheek. She smiled, and turned her head so my lips connected to hers. I pulled away when I heard her stomach growl. She frowned.

“I’ll kiss you later, silly,” I laughed, unzipping the cooler and pulled out the sandwiches and sodas. “Right now, eat.”

She nodded, saluting me. “Yes, ma’am.”

I mock-glared at her. “Mockery is not the product of a strong mind, Lexa.”

She laughed, “That’s my line, ai hodnes.”

“Not anymore, Lex.”

I held up my can of soda and gently clinked it against hers. “To a good life.”

She gave me her most beautiful smile. “It is a good life.”

………………………………………………………………………….

The sun was beginning to set, the sky turning a beautiful pink and purple color. Lexa’s head was lying on my lap and I ran my fingers absentmindedly through her curls with one hand, rubbing lazy circles on her back with the other. She hummed contently.

“Lexa, honey, it’s going to get dark soon. We have to go.”

“Do we have to?” she asked in a quiet voice. “I want to just stay here forever. It’s so beautiful and peaceful here, nothing like the city.”

“I know, ai hodnes. But I don’t want to try to walk through the woods in the dark, and I don’t think you want to, either.”

“Not really,” she sighed, sitting up. I pressed a quick kiss on her lips before standing, pulling her up with me.

“When we get home, I’ll make you a nice, steaming cup of hot chocolate with lots of whipped cream, then we can watch a movie or something.”

She gave me her million-dollar smirk. “Does ‘or something’ involve lack of clothes.”

I laughed. “It can.”

She chuckled. “Good.” She began walking away. “We can watch a movie too, only we won’t be paying attention much.”

“Much? With your body beneath me, I won’t be paying attention at all.”

“I probably wouldn’t pay attention to it even if we weren’t have sex.”

I smacked her arm lightly. She pouted. Then, “let’s just hope Octavia doesn’t decide to walk in on anything she wouldn’t want to see.”

“Lexa!”

“We could put a sock on the apartment door.”

“And announce to the world that we’re having sex?”

She shrugged. “I’m pretty sure everyone on our floor knows we have sex. It’s not like you’re quiet.” She skipped ahead of me as I grabbed at her.

“Take that back, Lexa!”

She just laughed and I shook my head, determined to make her pay in the most wonderful way possible. To show her that she was just as loud as me.


	27. Maybe We Can Change the Future

_Incoming Call: Unknown Name_

“Abigail Griffin.”

“Hello, Abby.”

“Lexa.”

“Can we talk? Like, really talk?”

“……”

“Please?”

“I get out of work at seven, there’s a small restaurant and bar down the street from the hospital-Mason’s I believe it’s called. Meet me there at seven-thirty.”

“Alright. Thank you.”

“I’m doing this for Clarke.”

_Call Ended_

 

I sighed, placing my phone down. It was time to confront Abigail Griffin, if not for my own health, then for Clarke. It’s killing her, not being able to see her mother without her bashing our relationship or me in general, and it kills her that she can’t bring up her mother to me without it affecting me somehow. Clarke assured me that it was her mother’s fault and only her mother’s fault, but I still felt guilty. It’s her mother, her own flesh and blood.

Jake walked through the door, but I was staring at my phone, barely giving him a glance. “Did it break?”

I jumped. I shook my head.

“Then why are you staring at your phone like that?”

I shrugged.

“Lexa.”

“I called Abby.”

He walked over to me. “Why did you do that?”

“Clarke deserves her mother.”

He frowned. “With how Abby acts, I’m not sure Abby deserves Clarke for that matter. Why would you want to talk to that woman? She’s done nothing but make you miserable the past several years.”

“Because she’s Clarke’s mother.” I grabbed my bag and jacket, brushing past him. “I need to get to work.”

“I can drive you, Lexa.”

I shook my head vigorously. “I’d rather walk, but thank you.”

………………………………………………………………………

“You made a meeting with Abby?” Octavia screeched.

I clapped a hand over her mouth. “Jesus, O! I told you to keep it between you and me!”

She pulled away, hazel eyes bulging. “It’s Abby. Clarke’s mom from hell.”

“I want to make things right,” I told her with a shrug. It was simple. Only it wasn’t.

“Lexa. Why now? And why keep it a secret?”

I hesitated, trying to find the right words. “Clarke…she’s been hurting. And I know I’m responsible for a lot of her pain. If I can get her on good terms with her mother…it might help her, it might make her happier.”

“And if it goes wrong, you’ll start backtracking and Clarke will need to know so she can pick up the pieces and I’m pretty sure that will hurt her even more because she’ll feel responsible for the pain you’ll be in. Abby won’t ever change, Lexa.”

“You don’t know that,” I told her stubbornly. “There’s a chance…maybe there’s just a big misunderstanding between us?”

She shook her head wildly. “No fucking way it’s just a big misunderstanding. That woman is Satan incarnate.”

“She’s not that bad.” I don’t know why I’m defending that woman, I should be agreeing with O, but for some reason I felt the need to defend her.

“I can’t remember a time when you two exchanged words that didn’t end up with you in tears. So I stand by my words.”

…………………………………………………………………………

Seven came by too soon. I turned to Octavia with a pleading look on my face. “I’m meeting Abby at Mason’s by the hospital in a half hour. Can you drop me off?”

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” she sighed deeply. “Fine. But I don’t want to hear about it if she tears you up in a million pieces.”

“Public place, remember? Plus, she picked the place, so maybe she knows she loses her cool and wants to be civil for once.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’ll believe it when I see it”

I followed her out to her car and she drove the fifteen minutes to the restaurant in silence.

“Good luck.”

It was my turn to roll my eyes. I entered the restaurant, drawing in a deep breath. I glanced over to the bar. I’m not a big drinker, but I think I might need one. But I’m sure Clarke wouldn’t appreciate it if I came home drunk.

“Lexa.”

I jumped slightly as Abby appeared behind me. She strode past me to find a table and I followed anxiously. I was really starting to regret reaching out to her. It couldn’t go bad in a public restaurant, could it? She found an empty table away from everyone else and we sat across from each other. She folded her hand on the table, raising her eyebrows and beckoned me to speak.

“I know you don’t like me,” I began and she scoffed, “but we need to work through this. Clarke needs her mother in her life.”

“Clarke chose you.”

I sighed. “The only reason she chose me was because you made her choose. If she didn’t have to choose, if she could have both of us, she’s be so happy. Can’t you see that? Don’t you want your daughter? Don’t you want your daughter to be happy?”

“Is she happy with you?” she finally asked after a long, contemplative silence. “Is she really happy?”

I nodded. “Happy enough to propose. She wants to spend the rest of her life with me and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. But I know Clarke, and she’s going to want you in her life. Our life.”

The waiter stopped by and we both ordered salads and waters. Once the waiter left, I sat up straight, my hands folding, mirroring hers. “I know you don’t like me, Abby. And I know that I haven’t been your biggest fan. But we hardly know each other! I think…I think we should give each other another chance, if not for us, then for Clarke.”

After a long pause, she finally nodded, a small smile playing at the corners of her mouth. I gave her a small but shaky smile. The waiter brought us or food and we ate in silence.

As we got up to go our separate ways, I turned to her. “I’ll be sure that you and Marcus get a wedding invitation.”

“Thank you.”

And she gave me a genuine smile, and I couldn’t have been happier about reaching out to Abby Griffin.


	28. Family Dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another one for today!  
> Wow. There are only FOUR chapters left!

**_Lexa:_ ** _We’re having a family dinner tonight at six. I want to invite you and Marcus. Now might be a good time to start to get back into the family._

_**Abby:** Really? You think it’d be a good idea?_

_**Lexa:** Yeah. You’re family, it’s a family dinner._

_**Abby:** Who’s attending? Marcus wants to know. He specifically asked if Octavia will be there…_

_**Lexa:** obviously Clarke and myself, Jake and Aurora (O and Bell’s mother), Lincoln and Octavia, Bellamy and Raven _

_**Abby:** We’ll be there. But please give at least Jake a heads up._

_**Lexa:** I will. Promise. _

          “Jake?” I called. Even though he had moved out—with his girlfriend who just happened to be my best friend’s mother—he had spent the afternoon here to get everything ready for the monthly family dinner we held.

          “Everything okay, kiddo?” he walked out of the kitchen and over to me.

          “I, um, sorta invited Abby and Kane to the dinner tonight?”

          He stared at me for what felt like an eternity. “I’m taking it your talk with her went well yesterday?”

I nodded happily. “Very well, actually. I doubt we’ll be spending much time together, but she understands that Clarke needs us both in our lives and to do that, we need to get along. I don’t think there’ll be any fights. We agreed we’d try to actually get to know each other before any more talking down.”

He wrapped his arms around me, kissing the top of my head. I leaned into his hug contently. “I’m so proud of you, kid. Not just for reaching out to Abby, but for everything.”

“I just did what was best for Clarke.”

“And that’s why I’m proud of you. You put her first, that’s a huge part of being in a relationship. Sometimes you have to put your partner first to have a happy relationship. You love her unconditionally, as she loves you. You two are made for each other.”

……………………………………………………………………………..

Aurora arrived early, as usual, to help Clarke, Jake, and I. Octavia, with Lincoln in tow, arrived shortly after because Octavia is…well, Octavia. At exactly six Bellamy and Raven, who were _finally_ together, arrived.

“You okay, Lex?” Clarke asked.

“Huh? Oh, yeah, just thinking.”

She shook her head, walking over to Raven.

The doorbell rang.

“Clarke, can you get the door?” I asked, reaching for the plates so I had an excuse why I couldn’t get the door so she would. She glared at me, knowing full well what I was doing. But she didn’t know **_why_**.

“Mom! Kane!”

Abby and Kane entered the apartment. Clarke didn’t hesitate when she grabbed her mother in a hug. I smiled. I definitely made the right call by inviting them. Someone grabbed me from behind, dragging me to the back of the room.

“Um, what the hell happened yesterday?” Octavia asked.

“Abby proved you wrong, she wants to give it another try.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.” I walked back towards everyone else with a shocked Octavia on my heels.

“I love you, mom, so don’t take this the wrong way. Why are you here?”

“Lexa invited me.” Clarke swung around, eyebrows raised, staring at me. “We met up yesterday and we talked about our future with you. She’s willing to give me a second chance. I only hope that you can.”

“Of course I can,” she hugged her after a very grateful smile to me.

“I can’t believe it,” Octavia muttered so only I could hear.

……………………………………………………………………………

“This meal is wonderful, Lexa,” Aurora told me as we were finishing the dinner.

“Thank you. Jake helped me a lot with preparing it.”

Jake shook his head. “Lexa did most of the work.”

“Oh my god, you two are so terrible at taking a compliment,” Clarke laughed. Everyone at the table chuckles, knowing how true it was. “Especially you, Lex.”

I ducked my head and Octavia punched me in the shoulder. I didn’t hesitate in pinching her back.

“Seriously, you two?” Clarke complained. “How the hell can you two be the best of friends and mortal enemies at the same time?”

“How can you and Raven be the same way as we are?”

“Clarke and I are nowhere as bad as the two of you,” Raven pointed out.

“True,” Octavia laughed and I nodded in agreeance.

“ _Girls,_ ” Bellamy said, looking at Lincoln. The two of them chuckled.

“How are the wedding plans going?” Raven spoke up.

Octavia swallowed nervously. “Ours is June 10th. We chose the wedding color theme: royal purple and black. Purple dresses for the girls, purple shirts with black jackets and ties for the guys. I’m letting the girls pick their style of dresses—the girls are obviously you three,” she said as she pointed at Raven, Clarke, and I. “And you have to wear a dress, Lexa and Raven.”

We both groaned.

“Lexa, you’re my maid of honor so you better wear the most goddam beautiful dress. Just not as beautiful as mine.”

Everyone chuckled.

          “We’re looking at dresses next month. So you two,” she pointed at Clarke and me, “have to have a color theme by then.”

“We already do,” I told her.

She raised her eyebrows.

“We’re doing blue and gold.”

Octavia perked up. “I’m thinking round tables with simple white tablecloths with gold plates and blue chairs—maybe blue silk or some kind of silk-like fabric—over the chairs! Blue invitations with gold lettering! A white cake with blue flowers—don’t give me that look, Lexa, the cake has to be pretty!—blue dresses with gold accents.”

“This is what happens when you put Octavia in charge of your wedding,” Raven grumbled, giving me a pointed look.

“If Lexa was in charge, we’d be sitting at _picnic_ tables with _paper_ plates, a birthday cake that said _‘happy wedding,’_ plain invitations, and everyone would wear jeans and t-shirt.”

“True,” I agreed and everyone burst into laughter at the confession.

She turned to her mother. “What is our wedding like, Mom?”

“Tell us,” Lincoln urged, “Or I won’t ever hear the end of it!”

Aurora smiled, folding her hands on the table. “Well, we’re doing round tables with royal purple table cloths, glass dishes, and black chairs, with flowers on every table. Vanilla and chocolate cupcakes with the purple frosting that shimmers and the sparkly jimmies that go on top. The cake—you have to pick it out, but I have ideas—white frosting with black designs and purple flowers. I need to go over details with you closer to the day though.”

Octavia beamed, ecstatic about her wedding. I got nervous when thinking about ours, which was set for July 30th.

July was coming too fast but too slow at the same time.


	29. Dresses and Shoes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THREE  
> CHAPTERS  
> LEFT

**_Octavia_ **

_“Holy fucking shit!”_

We walked into the wedding store and I was in Heaven! Bridesmaid and wedding dresses were _everywhere!_ Shoes and jewelry made it even better!

Clarke and Harper were as excited as me, but we had to practically drag Raven and Lexa into the shop. My mother, Anya, Indra and Abby were going to meet us here in fifteen minutes, which gave us enough time to gawk and decide. Without the parents, we wouldn’t get anything done. Raven and Lexa just wouldn’t look and Clarke, Harper, and I would look at _everything_.

Fifteen minutes later, they arrived. Mom arrived first, then Anya and Indra arrived together a few minutes later, followed by Abby.

“Anya, Indra, you’re on _Lexa Duty_. Make sure she gets a fucking dress. Scratch that, **_dresses_**. A wedding dress and a bridemaid dress. Bridesmaid dress first, we’re getting together everything for mine first, then we’re getting together everything for Clarke and Lexa’s after. _She. Needs. A. Dress!_ ” I ordered. “Bridemaid dress: has to be along the purple and black theme. All purple is okay, but no plain black. So a purple dress or a black and purple dress. Style doesn’t matter, but it is an outdoor wedding with a reception indoors.”

We all split off. Harper and Clarke went their own way giggling, Abby took it upon herself to make sure Raven actually looked at and picked out a dress, Indra and Anya went with Lexa as she’s be the most difficult to work with, and with a very nervous breath, my mother guided me over the wedding gowns.

……………………………………………………………………….

“We’ve been looking at dresses for two hours, Mom! I’m not going to find one, this is hopeless.” I was beginning to become frustrated and slightly annoyed.

“Octavia. Breathe. We’ll find a dress,” she out her hands on my shoulders. “Weddings are stressful and crazy, but once you’re on that alter, baby girl, it’ll be worth it.”

I nodded, wrapping my arms around her as I buried my face into the crook of her neck. She rubbed my back lovingly.

“Octavia,” she whispered. “I think I see a perfect one.”

I pulled away and she led me to the dress. “Wow,” I breathed out, reaching the beautiful gown. It was a strapless dress, a shimmery white that hugged tight around the upper body and hung loosely yet slender at the skirt. It was perfect.

“This is the one.”

……………………………………………………………………………

I ended up easily picking a pair of white heels.

My veils hung to the floor, a simple hair clip one. I had already decided to have my hair pulled into an up-do, so it’s work perfectly. My mom helped me pick out a beautiful necklace and earrings. I almost had a heart attack at the prices but she waved it off, telling me she had it covered.

We met up with everyone. We were all measured and I looked at what everyone picked out. Raven had a simple black dress with a purple bow and neckline and black kitten heels. Harper had a long purple gown with short sleeves and purple heels. Clarke had a beautiful floor length deep purple dress with one inch sleeves and black heels. And Lexa—thank God!—has a beautiful knee-length black dress that was sleeveless with a beautiful lavender bow and purple sandals with a small heel.

“Good job, Anya and Indra.”

Indra walked over to me. “Show me the dress, child.” I smiled hesitantly and handed her the dress—that fit perfectly and needed very little adjustments—and she looked in awe. “Such a beautiful dress.”

………………………………………………………………………….

**_Clarke_ **

“There’s so _many_ of them!” I gawked at the wedding dresses. My mother chuckled as I pawed through them. Like Octavia, it took a while. I was on the verge of giving up. Now I see why Lexa didn’t want to come dress shopping. Like, _damn!_ This was so _hard!_

“Lexa!” I called desperately after an hour.

She walked over with a smirk on her face. “Having trouble, Klark?”

“Well, yeah! This is so… _difficult!”_

“No, it isn’t.”

Wait— _what?_ Lexa wasn’t having trouble with this at all? What the hell?

“It isn’t?”

“Lexa found her dress within the first ten minutes,” Anya told me, walking over to us. “Shocked the hell out of me, but she did. Took her minutes to pick out the fucking shoes and jewelry, too.”

I placed the back of my hand over Lexa’s forehead. “You okay, there?”

Mom and Anya laughed. “Yes, Clarke. I just had better luck than you and O.”

“Show me.”

She shook her head, grinning. “It’s bad luck.”

I folded my arms. “Since when are you superstitious, Lexa?”

She shrugged.

“At least help me find one.”

“Oh, that’ll be easy.”

Mom huffed. She’d been looking with me for an hour and neither of us could find anything. But Lexa? Not even five minutes later, she was calling me over to see a dress that’s she said was perfect.

And _holy crap_ , she was right.

The dress was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. It shimmered under the lights. A lacy strap went around the neck, the upper part was tight but not constraining, and the skirt puffed out—not like in the movies when it was puffy as hell, but just enough puff so it wasn’t overdoing it or making it impossible to move—and the skirt was almost swirled. It was… _gorgeous._

For someone who hated dresses, Lexa definitely had an eye for them!

I got a pair of simple silver sandals with a heel and beautiful diamond jewelry. I didn’t see a veil I liked, but mom said we still had some time before I had to find one.

……………………………………………………………………………..

**_Lexa_ **

I was in love with my dress. Indra and Anya were both very shocked when I picked out a dress after only ten minutes of looking. It was lacy. Very lacy. But I loved it. The whole upper part was all lace and showed off the skin in between the lacy parts, the skirt was long and layered with the top layer being lacy. The two inch sleeves were also lace. But it wasn’t so lacy that it was overdoing it. Not at all.

It did take a bit for them to convince me to wear heels, even if it was a very small heel. The sandals with a small heel were gorgeous, and so were the jewelry. I honestly didn’t care so much on how the dresses or shoes looked like. All I know was that I was going to be marrying the most important person in the world to me. _Klark kom Skaikru._

………………………………………………………………………………

“How’d it go, girls?” Jake asked as Clarke, Aurora, Octavia, and I walked through the door.

“Very well,” Aurora responded.

“We have the perfect dresses. And Lexa, believe it or not, had the easiest time shopping for dresses.”

Jake turned to me. “You were all overthinking it. Of course, I had it easy. I knew what I was looking for and found it, you guys were on the verge of panic attacks.”

“On the verge?” Aurora interrupted. “Octavia started to have one.”

“Mom!”

“Sorry, sweetheart, but it’s true!”

She just rolled her eyes and Clarke laughed. “It was a very…interesting day.”

“Interesting, indeed,” I agreed.

“Who wants cookies and hot chocolate?” Jake asked suddenly.

With a small cheer, we all sat around the table, enjoying one of our last times being together before everything changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter:   
> Lincoln & Octavia's wedding!!!


	30. The Best of Our Lives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Linctavia's Wedding!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just two more!

It was June 10th. The wedding day. I was up at 6 AM, in my mom’s car as she drove me and the girls to get our hair done. We had our nails all done yesterday—sparkly silver for me and sparkly purple for the rest. I was a bundle of nerves.

I’m getting married today.

And I was terrified.

The stylist began teasing my hair right away, twisting it up so it was pinned up in a French twist. My foot was tapping anxiously and Lexa and Mom both gave me encouraging words though you could say they fell on deaf ears. I was too anxious to actually comprehend the words.

“Breathe, Octavia,” my mother tried again and I sighed, finally hearing her and nodded. The hair stylist walked away and I waited for the makeup artist to come get me ready. I looked around the room. My mother had her long brown hair in shiny curls, Harper’s hair was in a fishtail with a flower clipper, and Raven’s hair was loose and straightened with a few small braids keeping hair from falling in her tan face. I turned and looked in the opposite side of the room, were Clarke’s long blonde hair was in curls and Lexa’s brown curls were straightened and pulled into an intricate braid.

Lexa turned to me. “Remember: **_breathe_**. When it comes to the service, don’t pay attention to anything or anyone. Don’t look at all the guests, don’t even look at us in your wedding party if we’ll overwhelm you, pay attention to _Lincoln_.”

I nodded, careful not to shake my hair loose. This was going to be a long day. Especially since I was far too nervous to even speak.

“You’ve got this, O.”

……………………………………………………………………………….

“Tell us the whole _Lincoln and Octavia_ story,” Harper pleaded as we drove to the hall where the wedding and reception was at.

“Yeah, I think Clarke is the only one of us who know the full story!” Raven agreed.

“Seriously?” I squeaked.

“Seriously,” Lexa repeated.

“I hate you guys.”

They all just chuckled but waited for me to tell the story of my love.

“Okay, okay. Fine.” I closed my eyes, thinking to the day I met Lincoln and our journey after that. “I met him the day you came to the ground, Raven. Bellamy had snuck off to your pod to trash the radio like an ass, and I followed him and I got lost when he sent me home. I had tripped on a rock and fell down a steep hill. That was morning. When I woke up that night, Lincoln was there. He carried me to his cave and mended to my wounds. When I escaped, he saved me again from getting speared. And when he brought me to his cave he chained me up. Little did I know he was going to get Bellamy. And my idiot brother brought him to the dropship to torture information out of him.”

“I remember that,” Clarke said softly. “When Finn got poisoned, you cut your own arm with the poison laced knife because you trusted that he wouldn’t let you die.”

“And he didn’t. I had to sneak up to see him because Bellamy and Miller wouldn’t let me near him. And then I set him free and visited him every day after. He would leave a trail of flowers for me to follow to find him. And he trained me to fight, to defend myself.”

“That is so romantic,” Harper gushed.

“Finn followed me one day and caught us. Set up a meeting at the bridge that went awry. He just wanted peace. And when the hemorrhagic fever came, you, Clarke, sent me for the antidote and he asked me to run away with him to Luna’s clan by the sea. I agreed but when Bellamy got sick…I couldn’t leave him. But Lincoln never left, he couldn’t leave me to die. So he gave Finn his sword for me. and when I got hit by a poisoned arrow during the war, he came back from me and was taking me to sea; that’s when he found out the arrow was poison and brought me back to his village, where he was a natrona. He was willing to sacrifice his life so I would be cured.

When Nyko gave me to medicine instead of Lincoln and he admitted Lincoln was caught, I kinda ended up taking Nyk as my hostage and led him to the village. That’s where I met Indra. _‘Ai laik Oktevia kom Skaikru, and you have something I want.’_ Right when I got him back, Reapers took him. Turned him into one.”

“My mom turned him back,” Clarke whispered.

“She did. He brought Bellamy to Mount Weather and they got to him. I found him a second time right before the missile hit.”

“He helped us save those being pinned down by the sniper.” This time it was Lexa that recalled a memory.

“He turned his back on his people to try to save me at the mountain. He lived in Arcadia. Then Pike came into power. Lincoln almost died, we barely stopped his execution. But we did. And those long months of the radiation, he was here. And then we came into this world.”

“Now that’s a beautiful love story. Almost makes me sick,” Raven laughed.

We all laughed at that. And we pulled into the lot of the hall and my butterflies were back. Lexa steered me put of the car and into the building, to the room where us girls would be getting ready. “I’m going to be sick.” Lexa rubbed my back soothingly, telling me to focus on my breathing. “Deep breath in, deep breath out. Breathe with me, O.”

“Mom? What time is it?”

She looked at her watch. “It’s eleven. The wedding starts at one.”

……………………………………………………………………………

“I can’t do this.”

I actually tried to take off but Lexa literally held me down. “No. I’m not letting you be a runaway bride.”

“You’re _a lot_ stronger than you look,” I growled at the brunette pinning me to my chair.

“There’s an hour until the wedding. You need to get into your dress, O.”

“Yes, you do.” My mother walked over to us, nodding to Lexa to let me go. She reached out a hand and I took it after a long moment. She pulled me up, putting a hand on each shoulder. “Remember what I told you when you were just a child, Octavia?”

I closed my eyes, nodding. “That fear is a demon. To close my eyes and tell myself _‘I’m not afraid.’_ ”

She smiled at me. “Good girl. Remember that. When you get overwhelmed, just close your eyes and tell yourself that you aren’t afraid. Keep your eyes on Lincoln and only Lincoln if you must, honey.”

I nodded, drawing in a deep breath. “Okay.”

She passed me to Lexa who led me into the massive changing room to help me into the wedding gown.

“You can do this, O. You bought and opened your own café, you cater to major events like the town’s winter ball, you can surely get married to the love of your life. It seems scary, but after today you’ll be _married_.”

“Thank you, Lexa.” I really don’t know where I’d be without this girl. She was my best friend. I had good friends before, but I never knew what a _best friend_ was like until this world, until Lexa. To have a friend that I’d do _anything_ for, who I could be myself around, who I knew like the back of my hand and she knew me as well. A friend I could tell anything to and she’d listen to and then say exactly what I needed to hear. That’s what a best friend was. I have that in Lincoln, too, as Lexa has that in Clarke. But it’s nice, having someone like that who isn’t a romantic interest, who’s just a best friend.

Lexa helped me into her dress and, because we didn’t really acre so much about modesty today, she changed into her maid of honor dress. She led me out of the room and I saw that my mother and Harper were dressed and in the room, Clarke and Raven nowhere to be seen but probably in the bathroom getting dressed.

“You look so _beautiful,_ Octavia.” Mom walked over to me, looking my dress over. She was teary-eyed as she wrapped her arms around me.

“Don’t smudge the make-up,” Lexa joked but her voice was strained too as she was trying not to cry as well.

 _“Damn,”_ Clarke said as she walked out if the bathroom in her dress. “Octavia, you have got to be the most beautiful bride in existence—until our wedding, of course—and Lexa, you’ve got to be the most gorgeous maid of honor.”

“Watch—O will somehow find a way to be the most gorgeous maid of honor when it comes to our wedding.”

“And all the dudes bailed,” Clarke laughed and we all joined in.

“Not Bellamy and Roan!” Lexa laughed. “Then again, Bellamy is loyal as fuck and Roan thinks I’m the best thing ever.”

“We need to set him up with someone,” Octavia laughed.

“ _Please._ I’m tired of him flirting with Lexa. I mean, me and Lexa are _engaged_.”

“And I’m never going to be with anyone besides you,” Lexa promised.

…………………………………………………………………………….

“Oh, God. I’m going to be sick,” I whined. Fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes until the wedding. Bellamy walked over to us, a big grin on his face.

“All the guests have arrived, or at least I think all. Lincoln is ready. Calm as can be. But you look like you’re going to play runaway bride any second, O.”

“She’s already tried—I wouldn’t let her,” Lexa informed him and he chuckled, unsurprised.

My mother was going to be walking me down the aisle. The grooms and bridesmaids would be side by side. Bellamy would be walking with Lexa as he was the head groom and she was the maid of honor. Monty was walking with Harper, Roan with Clarke, with Raven walking with one of his co-workers and good friend, Miquel.

All too soon, the wedding march sounded.

Side by side, they began walking down the aisle. I almost balked. _Almost._

_Keep your eyes on Lincoln._

And that’s what I did. My eyes found his and he held my gaze. And I barely noticed all the people on both sides of me. All I paid attention to was the wonderful man who I was about to call my husband. When we reached the front, my mother, teary-eyed, passed me to Lincoln and he took my hands in his own.

 _“So beautiful,”_ he said quietly, only for my ears.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join this man and woman in holy matrimony,” the pastor began, giving Lincoln and I a smile.

“Lincoln of Trikru, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to live together in holy matrimony, to love her, to honor her, to comfort her, and to keep her in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?”

His loving brown eyes met mine. “I do.”

“And do you, Octavia Blake, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to live together in holy matrimony, to love him, to honor him, to comfort him, and to keep him in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?”

I smiled at him and I could feel the water building up in my eyes. “I do.”

We had both said that we would not say _“til death do we part”_ since, like Clarke and Lexa believed, that death would not be the end of **_us_**.

“I, Lincoln of Trikru, take you, Octavia Blake, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live.”

I had to work to keep my voice strong. “I, Octavia Blake, take you, Lincoln of Trikru, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live.”

Lincoln took the ring that was handed to him by Bellamy, and slid it onto my finger. “I give you this ring as a token and pledge of our constant faith and abiding love.”

Sniffling, I took the ring handed to me by Lexa, and repeated Lincoln’s words to me.

The pastor gave us both a happy smile. "By virtue of the authority vested in me under the laws of the State of New York, I now pronounce you husband and wife.” She turned to a beaming Lincoln. “You may now kiss the bride.”

Lincoln pressed his lips to mine and I didn’t even bother to stop the tears from flowing. Cheers erupted all around us and I laughed, resting my head on his strong shoulder.

**_We did it._ **

…………………………………………………………………………….

I couldn’t be happier. We were officially married. My mother held me and cried. As did Bellamy. But it was happy tears. Bellamy got choked up during his toast to us and Lexa took the best friend role seriously and made everyone laugh at stories about me—and thankfully she didn’t say anything embarrassing about me!

It was now time for the first dance. I was nervous, but the second Lincoln led me to the dance floor, his warm hand in mine, his brown eyes staring into mine, all the fear slipped away.

_The day we met, frozen I held my breath_

_Right from the start, I knew I found a home for my heart_

_Beats fast, colors and promises_

_How to be brave! How can I love when I’m afraid to fall?_

_But watching you stand alone_

_All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow_

_One step closer…_

_I have died everyday waiting for you_

_Darling, don’t be afraid_

_I have loved you for a thousand years_

_I’ll love you for a thousand more._

Applaud followed the dance and Lincoln and I didn’t leave the dance floor. Others filled the rest of the space, dancing the night away. Bellamy and Raven. Monty and Harper. Murphy and Emori. Clarke and Lexa.

But the only thing I cared about, was that it was Lincoln and I, together until the end of time.


	31. Are You Ready?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Bachelorette Party

**_Clarke_ **

“Are you ready, Griffin?”

Raven smirked, twirling the bottle of vodka in her hand.

“Last few days as an unmarried lady!” she cheered.

Raven, Harper, and Emori decided to go club hopping, their goal to get me completely hammered by the end of the night.

“I’m ready for bed,” I joked, backing away as Raven tried to smack me.

“I hate you, Griffin. Although, you don’t be Griffin for much longer! Clarke Woods!”

I chuckled, shaking my head. Raven was already buzzed. The only one who wasn’t was Harper, who didn’t drink much and was also designated driver. Designated driver for a club-hopping bachelorette party. Raven handed me a new drink and I internally groaned and I tilted my head back, drinking the liquid. I’d much rather be spending the night in my bed with Lexa, but Raven and Octavia decided that we had to have a night, separate from each other, to enjoy freedom before we tied the knot in three days.

I whipped out my pone when Raven wasn’t looking.

**Clarke: Raven’s trying to get me drunk!**

It took a few minutes before I got a response. I thought O had swiped her phone, but apparently she hadn’t.

**Lexa: Same. O is pulling out the hard stuff.**

**Clarke: We’re club hopping**

**Lexa: There’s strippers here. O wants to go full out…**

**Clarke: STRIPPERS?!?!**

**Lexa: Pole dancing, lap dancing, O said I need the full effect before I become a married woman.**

**Clarke: Well damn!!**

I chuckled. Of course Octavia would bring in strippers to try to get Lexa wound up. But Lexa wasn’t a drinker, at all. She didn’t even like caffeine. And strippers isn’t really her thing either. I wished that I could have seen Lexa’s face when she saw Octavia’s plan.

**Clarke: Raven’s giving me vodka. Kinda feeling…funky**

**Lexa: I haven’t had a single drink yet. O is pissed. Says I’m fucking stubborn**

**Clarke: You kinda are**

I hid my phone as Raven came back with yet another drink.

“Fell up for beer pong?”

I nodded. “Give me a few minutes.”

“Okay, but hurry the hell up!” with that, she danced away towards a table where Emori a girl I didn’t recognize were filling red cups and situating them in the beer pong triangle.

**Clarke: No defending yourself?**

A few minutes went by.

**Clarke: Lexa???**

“Clarke, get your ass over here!” I groaned loudly but got up, stiff legs carrying me over to the girls. Raven decided to split us into two teams. Emori and I against her and the blonde girl who was helping set up.

“Let’s do this!”

Raven was trashed so she was a terrible aim, but the blonde made up for it. She threw a ball, making it in our cups perfectly. I groaned as I removed the ping pong ball, tipping my head back as I swallowed the beer, then replacing the cup, upside down. It wasn’t the traditional rule, but that’s what we were doing. Emori and I were both sober enough to make almost every shoot.

We won by two cups, though the blonde put up a good fight. She bid us farewell and turned to leave.

“Wait! Blondie! What’s your name?”

She turned around with an arrogant smirk and looked me right in the eye. _“Costia.”_

……………………………………………………………………………

**_Lexa_ **

Octavia, Roan, and Anya were determined to make my life hell. Roan insisted on going out with us, not caring that t was a bachelorette party. He didn’t care. Not only was Octavia desperately trying to get me to drink, she had strippers come because she wanted me to live a little before I tied to knot with Clarke.

“Seriously, guys?” I frowned.

Octavia folded her arms over her chest. “Fuck, yes! This is your _last time_ to get out as a free woman! Take it from me: being married is awesome, but this is _forever_ and it binds you to that person. No more admiring other babes, no more strippers, no more trying out people.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” Roan asked.

“Yes, what does that mean?”

“It means that once you’re married, you’re Clarke’s. One hundred perfect. No more window shopping.”

“ _Window_ —I don’t want to know.”

Anya laughed, dragging me to the bar. “The sky girl may confuse the hell out of me, but I agree with her. Enjoy your last taste of freedom. You’ll still be the same with Clarke, but like your friend said, she’ll be _yours_.”

“Ugh!”

My phone dinged and I made sure nobody else heard it. “I’m heading to the bathroom.”

**Clarke: Raven’s trying to get me drunk**

**I laughed. Of course she was.**

**Lexa: Same. O is pulling out the hard stuff.**

I shuddered at the thought of the alcohol waiting for me when I returned.

**Clarke: We’re club hopping**

**Lexa: There’s strippers here. O wants to go full out…**

**Clarke: STRIPPERS?!?!**

I thought of the sight I was greeted by when we entered the club twenty minutes ago. I tried to book it, but Anya and Octavia wouldn’t let me bail on my own bachelorette party.

**Lexa: Pole dancing, lap dancing, O said I need the full effect before I become a married woman.**

**Clarke: Well damn!!**

I laughed. I could picture a red-faced Clarke, getting jealous of the fact that, whether I enjoyed it or not, other people trying to impress me with their bodies and dances.

**Clarke: Raven’s giving me vodka. Kinda feeling…funky**

**Lexa: I haven’t had a single drink yet. O is pissed. Says I’m fucking stubborn**

**Clarke: You kinda are**

I huffed, knowing all true that she was right but also knowing she was joking. I went to type a response, but suddenly my phone was plucked from my hand. “What?”

“Going to the bathroom my ass. Get out here,” Octavia groaned, dragging me out to where Anya waiting. She waved my phone. “She was texting Clarke.”

“Give it back.”

She shook her head stubbornly.

“Give it back, or so help me I will leave right now, even if I have to fight you to get out of here and considering I’m the only one completely sober, I could take all three of you at once.”

Sighing, Octavia handed the phone to me. “No using it unless it’s a life or death emergency. Got it?”

“Fine.”

“Good!” she rubbed her hands together. “Now that that’s settled, let’s get down to business! Come on, Sexy Lexi, we have some strippers to go see.”

I rolled my eyes but let her drag me over to the stage where the dancers were performing. I felt like it was going to be a long night and I almost wanted to get wasted so it’d be bearable, but I wasn’t going to give in that easily.

A few hours into the party, I decided to check my phone and saw I had three messages from Clarke.

**Clarke: No defending yourself?**

A few minutes later.

**Clarke: Lexa??**

A half hour ago.

**Clarke: Costia’s here. She’s been…oddly friendly? She said she wishes us the best and gave me her number to give you…I’m really fucking drunk so idk if I’m even making sense. Raven finally got me to cave and let me say: this is so much more fucking fun when drunk!!**

“Well, fuck.”

Anya looked at me. “What’s with you?”

I handed her my phone and she choked on her drink. “Fucking weird. But you should listen to your babe.” She was shaking her head.

I eyed the glass in her hand and took a deep breath. If Clarke was running around having a good time, then I should, too.

“Fine. Give me some of that shit.”

For the first time in my life, I was absolutely, without a doubt as drunk as could be. And Clarke was right. I had the most fun in my life.

Though odds are, neither of us would remember what happened tonight when tomorrow came.


	32. When Someday Came

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. What a ride this has been!   
> When I started Death Is Not the End, I never imagined this story would end up being told throughout 2 fanfics, 63 chapters over the course of several months. DINTE started as a way to “fix” Lexa’s death for me and hopefully help others. It ended up as more than that.  
> DINTE became something I was so attached to that I couldn’t say goodbye, there was still more story to be told. So Maybe Someday was born, bringing those beloved characters from teenagers scared, excited, and confused in this new world to young adults accustomed to our world and their struggle as they spread their wings.   
> This story became almost like therapy to me. It was my way out of the world for a little while when I was writing. It gave me hope. And I hope it helped some of you, too.   
> I hope I did this story justice, and I hope you enjoyed it, all 63 chapters that ranged from making you laugh to making you cry. And I most of all hope that I did our beautiful ladies justice!   
> I want to thank all of you who have been on this journey with me, whether you’ve been here since the first chapter of DINTE or joined in somewhere in Maybe Someday.   
> So, thank you.

**_Clarke_ **

Dad, Raven, Emori and Aurora were driving me to the stylist, it was one I’d never been at before but Aurora knew the place well and told us that it would offer nothing but the best. My mother was meeting us there. I was a ball of nerves. Now I see why Octavia was freaking out on her wedding day. It’s very nerve-wrecking!

Octavia had the bright idea to keep Lexa and I apart until the wedding itself. Lexa agreed, very reluctantly. Probably to make Octavia happier since she had to be with her until the ceremony. So I can’t really blame her. But I can blame O.

“You know, eloping isn’t sounding so bad an idea,” I squeaked.

“No, no, no,” Raven growled. “ _Fuck!_ Why can’t O be here? She’s so much better at dealing with people problems than I am!”

“I’m going to tell you the thing I told my daughter on her wedding day last month. _Breathe_. Just think of Lexa. This afternoon, you’ll be married to her. It might seem stressful, it might seem scary, but just think of Lexa. And when it comes time to be in front of all those people, look at Lexa and _only_ Lexa. It certainly helped Octavia, and she was a lot more freaked out than you are! Just think of what I said and you’ll be fine, Clarke.”

I shuddered but nodded. “Okay. I’ll try.”

“Good.”

We arrived at the stylist just after seven-thirty. When we were climbing out of Aurora’s mini-van, my mother’s car pulled up beside us. She got out and gave me a smile and I shakily returned it.

“She’s two-seconds from a complete break down,” Raven told her and I hit her arm. “What? It’s true!”

“Worse maid of honor ever,” I joked.

She laughed and shoved me. “Jerk.”

“Let’s get you girls ready for this big day,” Aurora told us, separating Raven and I before one of us could pounce on the other. Mom grabbed Raven’s arm, pulling her back with her. The two of them had a mother-daughter bond, despite the fact that they weren’t related and had only met six years ago when Raven was eighteen.

The stylists, Emma, Leila, and Ashleigh, met us with big smiles. Emma led me over to my chair to get to work on me, Leila took Raven and Emori to work on the both of them while Ashleigh took Aurora and my mother. Dad pulled out a book, sensing that he’d be sitting here for a while. I was beyond grateful that he came. Bellamy, Roan, and Lincoln took the responsibility of making sure everything got to the hall on time. While the wedding itself was outdoors, the reception would be held indoors. And I trusted the guys—at least Bell and Lincoln-to make sure that today would be perfect. While Lincoln had originally turned down the option of being a bridesmen which is why Roan got the job, he was still a trusted friend and he made sure that we all knew it.

Emma chatted with me during the entire hair styling and I was grateful for the distraction.

“Who’s the lucky person you’re getting married to?”

I smiled. I loved talking about Lexa. She was my _everything_. “Her name’s Lexa. She’s my best friend and the love of my life.”

“She sounds pretty special.”

“She really is.”

“Where is she now?”

“No idea, probably at another stylist. Monroe’s, probably, since my other best friend is with her and that’s where she got her hair done for her wedding.” I saw the curious look on Emma’s face in the mirror. “Lexa and my best friend’s, Octavia and Raven, decided that it’d be a good idea to separate Lexa and me until the wedding. Octavia held Lexa hostage last night and Raven stayed at my place to make sure I wouldn’t try to sneak out and see her. And they’re determined to keep us apart until the actual wedding ceremony.”

She laughed. “Sounds like you have very interesting friends!”

 _“Interesting_ is one thing to call them!”

We both chuckled. She put the finishing touches to the up-do in my hair and sprayed it with holding spray. “Perfect.”

………………………………………………………………………

**_Lexa_ **

“Is this really necessary, O?”

“Um, yes!” she gave me a look as if it was obvious. “You are not laying eyes on Clarke until you’re both up on that alter. And I mean it, Alexandria.”

I huffed when she called me that and Anya laughed. Gustus was driving me, O, Harper, Anya, and Indra to Monroe’s to get our hair and make-up done. I tried to argue that I didn’t need make-up or even my hair done and O whacked me telling that I was hopeless. Anya, being the asshole she is, had agreed with a laugh.

I was more annoyed than I was nervous. Being the Commander, I had done scarier and more nerve-wrecking things than getting married, and in front of bigger crowds than I would be today. If I was nervous about anything, it was the first dance since I absolutely hated dancing. But that was more nerves about falling on my face than it was actually dancing in front of everyone.

Gustus parked and Octavia dragged me out of the van and Anya and Indra were unable to contain their laughter.

“Jeez, O! You’re bossy as hell today!”

“I’m not going to let you ruin this wedding that I spent _months_ planning!”

“It’s **_my_** wedding!”

“I don’t care!”

I sighed, knowing it was hopeless to fight with her today. I shot Anya a _“help me!”_ look and she shrugged her shoulders. Indra shook her head at the sight of her former mentee dragging around her former Heda. She dragged me inside and we were met with the smiling faces of the stylists, the same people who did our hair the previous month.

I was led to a chair and my stylist, Maya, got to work on my hair. Kasey went to work on Octavia’s hair and Wynn got to work on Anya. Gustus and Indra sat to the side. Indra didn’t want her short hair touched and Gustus was fine with his chin length hair slicked back like it was. Lucky them. Maya straightened my long curls and began the braids that led to a beautiful, intricate up-do. She moved on to make up and she kept it to the minimal, and I loved her for that.

……………………………………………………………………………

**_Clarke_ **

There was two hours until the ceremony when we arrived at the building. I got my room to get ready in and Lexa had her own down the hallway. But I wasn’t aloud out of the room I was in. Mom handed me a small can of ginger ale and some crackers to munch on to calm my nerves and to hopefully keep me from expelling my breakfast.

“Are you sure I can’t just elope?”

Dad shook his head. “No. Your wedding is in two hours, you aren’t going to play runaway bride.”

I groaned and rested my head against the arm of the chair I was sitting on. Everyone chatted quietly. Harper, Aurora, and my mom all got dressed in their dresses. I didn’t look up as they all took turns getting dressed.

“Okay, Clarke,” Raven announced after a while. “Hour and a half left. You need to get dressed.”

“No.”

She groaned. A knock on the door sounded and she walked over to answer it. “Thank God. Deal with her!”

Octavia entered the room and marched over to me. “Okay. One chance. Let’s get you dressed for your wedding.”

I wanted to tell her no, but this was Octavia. If I told her no, she’d drag me to the bathroom kicking and screaming and dress her herself completely. And I’m sure she wouldn’t be gentle. “Fine.” I got up and let her lead me to the bathroom, my wedding gown in tow.

“How the hell did she get her to go willingly?” I heard Raven exclaim.

Octavia laughed at that and Raven shouted _“shut up!”_

“Okay, look at me, Clarke. _Look. At. Me_.” I looked over to her, hazel eyes meeting mine. “ _Breathe_. Lexa is as calm as can be. So there’s nothing to worry about.” I just stared at her blankly. She sighed. “Has Lexa seen your dress before?” I nodded. “Have you seen hers?”

“No. She said its bad luck.”

She groaned but stood up. “Stay there. I’m gonna go get her so she can calm you down and help you get dressed, but she can only stay for a few minutes, got it? Cause she needs to get dressed too and she doesn’t want you to see her in her dress.”

“Okay,” I whispered.

She walked out of the bathroom.

“Is she ready?” Raven asked.

“Nope. Going to get Lexa.”

“I thought the whole point was to keep them apart.”

“It was but…Jake, your daughter is a piece of work, ya know? She’s impossible.”

…………………………………………………………………………

**_Lexa_ **

Octavia came back to the room and pointed at me. “Got to Clarke. _Now_.”

“What?” Octavia went through all this trouble to keep the two of us apart. It made no sense why she’d send me to Clarke after all that.

“She’s like three seconds away from a panic attack. I thought **_I_** was bad on my wedding day! So go calm her down, make sure she gets dressed, then come right back. Got it?”

“Yes, ma’am.” I saluted and ducked when she threw a cushion at me.

“Wise ass.”

I rushed out of the room and down the hall before Octavia changed her mind. I didn’t bother knocking, I just walked into the other room and Raven immediately pointed to the bathroom. “O says she’s being impossible.”

“O always exaggerates,” I shot back. Jake and Aurora chuckled.

I slipped into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. Clarke was a bit pale but didn’t seem panicky at all. “Hey.” She threw her arms around my neck and I held her tightly.

“I feel sick,” she admitted after a long moment.

I pulled away from her. “You feel sick as in you’re coming down with something or you feel sick because you’re very nervous?”

“Nervous, I think.”

I pressed my lips to her forehead, then rested my head against hers. “Just an hour left, Clarke. Breathe in, breathe out. Good girl. It’ll be okay. I promise. When we’re up on the altar, just keep your eyes on me. Okay?”

She nodded, swallowing hard. “Okay.”

“Good. Now let’s get you dressed.” Her gown was absolutely stunning. I helped her into it, zipping up the back for her. “Raven can help you with the shoes and jewelry, right?”

“But—”

“Hey. I need to get dressed, too, silly.”

She giggled, nodding. I kissed her cheek quickly. “I’ll see you at the alter.”

She gave me a small smile and I left. “Raven, she’s all yours.”

I disappeared out the door—with a cushion—before anyone could say anything to me. I needed to get back to my room and get dressed. I entered the room and Anya burst out laughing when I chucked the cushion at Octavia, hitting her in the back of her head. The hit threw her off balance and she fell on top of Indra, who was giving me a less-than-pleased look.

“Sorry,” I told Indra with a laugh. She just shook her head with a glint in her eye as Octavia climbed off of her.

“If it wasn’t your wedding day, I’d kill you right now,” Octavia groaned. She grabbed my dress and ushered me off to the side room. “Let’s get you ready.”

I had fallen in love with my dress the moment I saw it in the store. Octavia helped me into the backless dress. Anya, Octavia, and Indra loved that the dress showed off my entire back, making my tattoo visible. Not many people know I have a tattoo down my spine. I don’t even think Jake knows. The intricate design down my spine I got the day I became _Heda_ , and a tribute to the other novitiates who died that day. It was a reminded to me of who I am. I may no longer be the Commander in this world, but I will always be _Heda_.

Octavia basically kicked me out of the room so she could change into her bridemaid dress. “Holy crap!” Anya walked over to me, circling to get a view of the whole dress. “I’m in love.”

Indra and Harper both loved the dress, as well.

“You have a _tattoo?_ ” Harper yelped. She was staring at my exposed back. “Holy shit, _that’s so freaking cool!”_

……………………………………………………………………………

“Twenty minutes.”

My heart was thumping in my chest. All the nervousness I didn’t have earlier came onto me full force and it was terrifying. “Anya, I can’t…I can’t do this.” I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I grabbed my throat, panicking because I couldn’t breathe. _I couldn’t…_

“You pick a fine time to have a panic attack,” Octavia growled.

“You aren’t helping!” Anya shouted.

One minute Anya was talking to me, next I was in Jake’s arms and he was talking to me in a soft, comforting voice. I felt his hand rubbing my back rhythmically. “It’s okay, you’re okay, Lexa.”

Once I felt I could breathe again, I took deep breaths of air. “I’m okay.”

He pulled away, cupping my cheek, his eyes searching mine.

“Are you sure?”

I nodded. “I can do this.”

_Ten minutes._

…………………………………………………………………………

The order was set for Gustus and Anya both to walk me down the aisle, then Octavia with Bellamy, Raven with Roan, and Emori with Harper. And then Clarke would be walked down the aisle with Jake and Abby.

……………………………………………………………………………

_Here comes the bride began playing right on cue._

“Just hold on to me, kid.” Gustus told me and I wrapped me arm around his tightly.

“Don’t let me fall.”

“Never.”

We walked down the sunny aisle and everything seemed slow motion. The minister greeted me with a smile. Everyone else filed down the aisle. It was a beautiful summer afternoon. I was glad that we had decided to do our wedding ceremony outdoors.

Jake and Abby walked Clarke down the aisle and Jake gave me an encouraging smile when they passed their daughter off to me.

_Blue met green._

…………………………………………………………………….

**_Clarke_ **

_Keep your eyes on Lexa_. That’s what I was doing.

_Blue met green._

I tightened my grip on her hands. This was really happening. I was getting married to Lexa Woods. And even though I was so nervous, I was happier than I’ve ever been.

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join these wonderful women in holy matrimony,” the minister announced. I snuck a look at the audience and found my father in the front row and he gave me a smile, nodding my head. I was terrified by excited at the same time.

“Lexa Woods, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to live together in holy matrimony, to love her, to honor her, to comfort her, and to keep her in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?”

Her green eyes met mine and she had the smallest hint of a smile on her lips. “I do.”

“And do you, Clarke Griffin, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to live together in holy matrimony, to love her, to honor her, to comfort her, and to keep her in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?”

I couldn’t stop the smile that spread across my face. “I do.”

Like Lincoln and Octavia, we decided that we wouldn’t say _til death do us part_ since even death couldn’t separate us. _Death is not the end._

“I, Lexa Woods,” she began, nearly choking on her words. Lexa wasn’t good at emotions, but she was fairing pretty well. “Take you, Clarke Griffin, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live.”

I had to fight to keep my voice strong, as emotions that threatened to spill were choking me. “I, Clarke Griffin, take you, Lexa Woods, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live.”

Octavia handed Lexa a ring and I bit my lip. This was it. “I give you this ring as a token and pledge of our constant faith and abiding love.” She slid the ring onto my ring finger and I held back the happy laugh.

I repeated her words with the ring handed to me by Raven ad slid the ring on her finger.

"By virtue of the authority vested in me under the laws of the State of New York, I now pronounce you married!” the minister announced in her booming voice. “You may now kiss.”

_Blue met green._

Her lips connected to mine and the audience erupted into cheers.

_This was the best day of my life._

………………………………………………………………………………

**_Lexa_ **

“Oh, my girls!”

Jake reached out to us when we left the alter. He wrapped an arm around each shoulder, hugging us close. He pressed a kiss to the top of each of our heads.

Anya appeared behind us and she wrapped an arm around me, holding me close. “Took the two of you long enough!” we all burst out laughing, even Abby who was now standing beside Clarke.

“Holy fucking shit! You have a _tattoo_ , Lexa! And it’s fucking awesome!” Raven yelled.

“Wait, your tattoo is visible?” Clarke asked, walking behind me. “Woah, yes it is. All three of them.” Of course, everyone knew about the tattoo on my arm. At least, most people did.

“A third…? _Oh!_ You have one on your neck, too!”

“What tattoo?” Aurora asked.

Raven grabbed my shoulders and spun me around for Jake, Abby, and Aurora to see the tattoo that went down my spine and the infinity symbol on the back of my neck right below the hairline.

“Woah,” Aurora breathed.

“Where’d you get those?” Jake asked.

“The one on my back is from my ascension day—the day I became the Commander—and a tribute to the novitiates who died that day. The one on my back was the scared symbol of the commander.” I turned around so I was facing them. “I’m pretty sure everyone is inside waiting for us.”

“Right, the reception party!” Raven looked around. “Where the fuck is O?”

Clarke laughed. “Probably making sure that Lincoln, Bell, and Roan didn’t mess up. And to make sure everything she cooked arrived. How she balanced getting married, completely planning our wedding, catering the wedding, and being the maid of honor I will never understand. That girl is skilled.”

“She is,” I agreed.

We made our way inside where everyone was gathered. Octavia raced over to us, moving faster than I thought was possible in her heels. “There you are!”

………………………………………………………………………………

“No.” I shook my head stubbornly. It was time for the first dance, but I was not planning on dancing in front of all these people.

“You are the most stubborn person I’ve ever met, Lexa!” Octavia groaned, exasperated. “Go dance with your wife.”

“No.”

Clarke was laughing and Octavia shot her a _“you’re not helping!”_ look. Actually, our whole little group was laughing.

“Anya, stop laughing and drag her to that dance floor.”

Anya shook her head. “She’s all yours, maid of honor.”

“Jake!” she swung around, eyes pleading. I shook my head at Jake. He avoided my stare and I knew I was screwed. “Thank you!”

He took a hold of my arm and started pulled me to the dance floor. “Let’s go, kiddo.” He held a hand for Clarke and she took it happily. “You can be stubborn after you dance to one song.”

“It’s a really cheesy song!” I protested, even though I absolutely adore the song and it was my choice.

“You picked it out!” Clarke exclaimed.

“I know, but—”

“No buts, Lexa,” Jake interrupted. He shook his head with a chuckle. “Some things will never change.”

He walked away and left Clarke to gently coax me onto the floor. “Just keep your eyes on my, _ai hodnes_ ,” she whispered.

_Blue met green._

The beautiful melody began to play and I couldn’t stop the smile that appeared.

_Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you_

_That is how I know you go on_

Those nights in Polis filled my mind. When she finally became mine.

_Far across the distance, and spaces between us_

_You have come to show you go on_

“I did it for my people.” The moment I lost hope.

_Near, far, wherever you are_

_I believe that the heart does go on_

_Once more you opened the door_

_And you’re here in my heart and my heart will go on and on…_

When I saw the drawing she did of my sleeping form, the moment I regained hope that maybe someday, we’d be together.

_Love can touch us one time and last for a lifetime_

_And never let go ‘til we’re gone_

_Love is when I loved you_

_One true time I’ll hold to_

_In my life we’ll always go on_

The last night of my life in the old world, where we were together. We were happy. We were peaceful. And I knew I loved her more than anything in the world.

_Near, far, wherever you are!_

_I believe that the heart does go on_

_Once more you opened the door_

_And you’re here in my heart and my heart will go on and on…_

“Maybe someday, you and I will owe nothing more to our people,” she said, kindling hope. “I hope so,” I whispered.

_You’re here, there’s nothing I fear!_

_And I know that my heart will go on!_

The fight to the death. I was lying on the ground, accepting my fate as Roan was about to plunge the spear into my heart. Then I saw the look on her face, the look of defeat and of pain and I knew that my fight was far from over.

_We’ll stay forever this way!_

_You’re safe in my heart and my heart will go on and on!_

Then everyone else joined us on the dance floor. Clarke went to leave the dance floor and I grabbed her wrist. She frowned. “I though you didn’t want to dance at all?”

I gave her a smile. “I don’t care anymore about dancing in front of everyone. All I care about is that I’m with you.”

And we danced the night away.

_“Ai hod yu in, Klark kom Skaikru.”_

_“Ai hod yu in, Heda Leksa kom Trikru.”_

**_Maybe someday, you and I will owe nothing more to our people._ **

Someday came, and we owed nothing more to anyone besides ourselves and each other.

_I swear fealty to you, Klark kom Skaikru. I vow to treat your needs and my own, and your people as my people._

 Little did I know that those words I had said to her many years ago, in another world, in another time, would still be here today. I swore more than just fealty to her. I swore love, and I still love her. But it’s double sided now. We both take care of each other. We both need each other. We brought out the best in each other.

Today was the best days of our lives. It was the end of one era, and the beginning of another. We had a long past and many memories. But in all honesty, **_our story has just begun._**


End file.
